I have a lot of young women around me who have been single for a long time, and they all have one thing in common: they are very eager for love on the one hand, and they are cautious about love on the other.
Whenever a boy shows affection, they will quickly become addicted, but while indulging, they are also constantly criticizing boys, thinking that being picky about each other can make the other party value themselves and protect themselves.
And due to the lack of their own sense of security, they often constantly ask boys for emotional value.
Therefore, although such a girl is kind-hearted and simple and cute, it will always make boys discouraged in a very short time.
I'm not trying to teach girls how to do something or how to behave so that boys fall in love with themselves quickly, because it's impossible.
And unfortunately, romantic and lifeless love often only appears in fairy tales or Korean dramas.
Psychologically, it is extremely difficult for a person to make a change.
It is difficult for a sensitive and suspicious person to immediately become warm and open, and it is also difficult for a person who does not know how to love himself to immediately learn to love himself and learn to love others in the same way.
Therefore, those who learn to love themselves reap their own happiness.
Just as money will only flow to those who are not short of money, love will only flow to those who are not lacking in love.
If you want others to fall in love with you, you should first learn how to fall in love with yourself and how to make yourself happy.
Only by doing this premise is you qualified to talk about how to make others fall in love with you.
When you learn to love yourself, you will find that getting others to fall in love with you is really a simple thing.
01
How to fall in love with yourself
Before talking about how to make others fall in love with you, let's talk about how to make you fall in love with yourself, because this is the most crucial secret about love.
When a person knows how to love herself, her world is secure, peaceful, and powerful.
I've always liked to use "water" as a metaphor for a woman, because "water" is not only gentle, but also powerful.
When "water" is willing to stop for you, it is a puddle of incomparably peaceful water, but when it is unwilling to stop for you, it has the courage to rush into the sea.
It seems to be able to accept all things, and it seems to be able to overturn all things, and everything is inseparable from it.
If a woman can live to this level, then her love life will be extremely happy.
When a woman has this kind of power, she has the confidence and self-confidence to move forward and backward freely in love.
Accept when you should accept, reject when you should refuse; be petite when you should be petite, be angry when you are angry; give when you should give, and be gentle when you should be gentle.
Then again, how exactly can you love yourself?
(1) Accept all your shortcomings
Some girls will feel fat, some girls will feel that their looks are not perfect, some girls will feel that they are not good enough...
In fact, gold has no feet, no one is perfect, and everyone has their own dark side.
Instead of constantly fighting and making yourself more and more inferior, it is better to try to accept it, first learn to be friends with your shortcomings, and then slowly and subtly change it.
There was once a client who consulted with me after falling out of love.
At that time, I felt her lack of confidence, and she thought that the ex left because she was not good enough, and she must have done something bad.
She feels that she is so bad, and even thinks that her boyfriend left because she is not in good shape enough, and she does not earn as much as the other party.
But in my eyes, she is a very independent, beautiful, intelligent woman.
Among girls of the same age, whether it is talking temperament, work ability, or self-awareness, she is much better than other girls.
It can be seen that her biggest problem is not the shortcomings in her own mouth, but her lack of self-confidence, and she does not know how to love herself.
Everyone has flaws, and there are no perfect people in this world.
Personality, character, and even a person's strengths and weaknesses, all people are created equal.
Although there are so many differences in judging conditions, despite the fact that someone is richer, more powerful and more powerful, and more beautiful than you.
But as "people," we are equal, and we all share the goodness and meanness of human nature as much as we do.
(2) Don't make decisions that make you uncomfortable
On the road of loving yourself, the second very important point is to learn to care about your feelings and not make decisions that make you uncomfortable.
If this relationship makes you feel wronged, painful, very weak, and there is really no way to endure it, please believe me, it is your body that is calling you.
At this time, you should stop the loss in time and be brave enough to say no.
There was once a client of love brains who also felt that he would not live without each other.
But after experiencing several relationships, he not only did not "die", but also lived well, living more and more positively.
It can be seen that Sai Weng lost his horse and knew that it was not a blessing.
In fact, many times, we have the power and the right to live more easily.
Even if it is a life pursuit, it is completely okay to stop and take a break when you are tired.
(3) Establish a sense of rules for yourself
Many people will ignore this point, thinking that loving themselves is to be by themselves, but this is not the case.
To love yourself is also to set yourself a life goal that you want to achieve, and to update the short-term goal in time and complete it.
You can be short-term decadent, but not long-term indulgence, only then will you shine more and more and eventually become a sparkling self.
02
How to make others fall in love with you
After learning how to love yourself and make others fall in love with you, it will become very simple.
(1) Treat your lover peacefully
You learn to love yourself, you will no longer rely on each other to feed your emotions and even your heart like a baby waiting to be fed, you must be peaceful.
So when your lover wants to leave you, you'll let him go;
When your lover quarrels with you, you will not argue with him more and more fiercely, but will wait for him to calm down and then rationally consult with him.
When your lover exposes his needs to you, you will accept his needs and meet them.
When your lover expresses his displeasure to you, you don't blame yourself for it, but ask him what he needs you to do.
When your lover does something wrong, you will also tolerate him and be considerate of him.
When he feels tired and tired, you will also support him in a timely manner, without accusation, without sarcasm.
These points, often you only need to do a few of them to make him respect you and cherish you.
(2) Maintain your independence
You must maintain your independence, and when he says something like "I will raise you in the future, and with me, I will protect you", you must not be foolish enough to think that men really think so.
No man would ever like a little princess who wouldn't do anything, and all he said was just love words.
You must be self-reliant, you must remain mentally and financially independent, so that when he does something that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can also firmly refuse.
Because you are the best version of yourself, you are a person who knows how to love yourself and protect yourself.
(3) Keep the mystery
In fact, what makes men most addicted is the mystery of women, which is the push-pull tactic commonly used by green tea.
If you want a person to be curious and fresh about you, let him not know you, so that he never knows what you will do next.
Because only in this way will you have unlimited possibilities in his heart.
In the early stages of the relationship, you can try to provoke the other party, do not insist that the other party respond, and send him some ambiguous signals at the right time.
Not too much, not too little, and the occasional addition of seemingly "unintentional" physical contact is enough to confuse him.
By the middle of the relationship, you have to have your own life, do what you want to do, and have to have something that you do on your own, or with your friends.
Don't make him feel like he's stuck all day long, don't make him feel like you can't live without him.
In the later stages of the relationship, you know how to add a little fun to the ordinary life at the right time, which is the finishing touch in love.
These little tricks and methods sound very simple, but it is difficult to fully achieve them without people who love themselves from the bottom of their hearts.
Because people who do not know how to love themselves cannot adjust their emotions, and they cannot get along with their lovers in a measured way.
I hope that my readers can learn to love themselves first on the road of learning how to make others love themselves more.
The author |, Master of Xidian University, has long studied psychology and focuses on topics such as self-awareness, emotional management, intimate relationships, and native family. It can help readers analyze emotional mysteries and improve themselves.