"Every child is a seed of a flower, but everyone's flowering period is different. Some flowers will bloom brilliantly at the beginning, and some flowers will require a long wait. ”
I don't know when it began, Chinese parents are more and more respectful of their children, more and more advocating happy education. But it is often misinterpreted as: freeing children, going with the flow, ignoring the fact that every bouquet of flowers from planting to blooming is inseparable from the bathing of the sun, the moisture of the rain and dew, and the silent cultivation of the figure.
In life, we can often see such a scene:
When the child is interested in dance, art, etc., the parents do not say a word to the class. However, when the child is impatient after a period of learning and wants to give up, the parents follow the child's decision.
They often think, is it that my child is not talented, should I let him learn the strengths he is good at to do more with less?
As everyone knows, what seems to be respect for the child is actually laissez-faire to the child, which is an extremely irresponsible performance of the parents.
01 Giving too much freedom to children is irresponsible in a sense
Liu Huan once talked about his daughter's education in an interview, full of regret:
"My daughter has a very high musical taste, her musical perception is particularly good, and children with talents in this area can still push it."
My wife and I felt that we should educate our children happily from an early age and not force them to do things they didn't like, so we never forced her to learn these things, and now I feel a little regretful. ”
There is no regret medicine in the world, and the best age for children to learn is missed, and they will never come back. Cai Kangyong once said a passage, very well, he said:
5 years old feels that swimming is difficult, give up swimming, 18 years old meet a person you like ask you to go swimming, you have to say "I will not yay";
18-year-old finds English difficult, gives up English, and at 28 years old, there is a great but English-speaking job, and you have to say "I won't yay."
The biggest regret in the world is that I could have.
A while ago, I was chatting with a friend who worked as a delivery man, and every day the wind and rain came and went, and the salary was low. He said he regretted it and often complained about his parents. Because, since he was a child, his parents did not have any requirements for him, and only wanted him to grow up healthy and happy, so he was never forced to learn anything.
It doesn't matter if your academic performance is not good; you can't draw, you can't play the piano... It doesn't matter. I couldn't get into college and had to go out to work; I had no good skills and could only work as a delivery man.
Learning itself is a long-term accumulation of knowledge, and the accumulation of knowledge itself is a boring process, and there are few happy times. At this time, many children have thought about withdrawing and giving up, because they do not have enough ability to grasp the direction of life.
As a parent, you should give some advice, guidance and encouragement, so that your child understands the meaning of learning and persistence. Instead of resigning to it, let it go and wait for the flowers to blossom.
If you don't want your child to regret it when he grows up, parents must take responsibility, walk ahead, and become the child's guide.
02 Education, never expect children to be self-conscious
I often hear parents say, "The boy in my family is always unconscious in doing things, and he must supervise him in everything." ”
Recently, my girlfriend is also often worried about educating her son, and she always tells her: "My son's self-consciousness is really too poor, and he always has to stare at him." ”
Take ice cream, for example, which has already eaten an ice cream in the morning and is guaranteed not to eat it again for a day. I didn't expect to see him secretly hiding in the room eating ice cream in the afternoon, and I thought that my parents would not be discovered if they hid.
I told her that on the road of educating children, never expect children to be self-conscious.
In the past, I used to think that the child should be freed so that she could have more freedom to do what she wanted to do. However, I slowly discovered that it is a long process to educate a good and self-conscious child.
When the child is still young, parents must not expect him to be self-conscious, you do not restrain the child, that will only make him more and more indulgent.
The reason why some children are "unconscious" is because of the "inertia" in them, and this "inertia" comes directly from the parents themselves.
I have a good friend, her son is in the first grade, her son refuses to go to school, she gives him leave, or talks to him about various conditions, so that he can obediently go to school.
I told her, "You can't do this kind of education, and after the child learns to talk to you about the conditions, he will not be conscious and will not listen to you." ”
She said no way, when I was a child, I was used to spoiling, and now the more I grew up, the more disobedient I became, and he didn't realize that I could only coax him in various ways.
I believe that if she has been educating her child in this way, he will be more unconscious and more willing to do whatever he wants in the future. I have always recognized a saying: good children are managed, and bear children are used to it. It is very simple to raise a bear child, from love to doting, the child is pampered and indulged for a long time, it will become a bear child.
And if you want to cultivate a good child, it is very simple, then you must give him just the right discipline!
03 Excellent children are inseparable from the efforts behind their parents
Excellent children are inseparable from the silent support and dedication of their parents behind their backs.
A few years ago, there was a wrestling book! "Daddy" swept the country, the father in the film is very "ruthless", forcing the sisters to practice wrestling every day, many people are distressed by the child, but ignore the efforts made by the father. It is this "ruthless" effort that allows the two girls to escape the fate of being with pots and pans for life.
The father's vision and the daughter's hard work have given them a chance to choose their future. There is no success in the world that can be achieved effortlessly, and so is raising a good child.
When you envy other people's children's well-written essays, but do not know that the parents behind them began to read together as early as the child's age, fluent language expression is the result of hundreds of children's books;
When you envy other people's children to learn without worrying, but do not know how much effort the parents behind them have put in order to cultivate their children's good learning habits;
When you envy other people's children's proficiency in piano, chess, calligraphy and painting, but do not know how many times the parents behind you pick up and drop off rain or shine, how many nights they are holding back their temper and patiently sparring.....
Education also requires the care and efforts of parents.
Tao Xingzhi once said: "We have two extreme psychology towards children, both of which are harmful to children. One is neglect; the other is that expectations are too sharp. Neglect allows it to fend for itself like thatch; too much expectation will inevitably help but cause it to die. ”
Cold persecution and blind indulgence of children are two extremes. The hardest part of parenthood is to find a balance between the two so that children can still embrace joy in the face of tremendous academic pressure.
The real waiting for the flowers to blossom is not to really let the child go and care about nothing, but parents should maintain hope in their mentality, believe that growth is a slow process, observe and accept the different rhythms of children's growth, and teach according to their aptitudes.
It can be harsh, but it can be patient, it can be loving, but it must be authoritative, and it will be watered with heart, and there will always be a day when flowers bloom.