Lately, I've been a little anxious! In a large number of adolescent counseling cases, the state of adolescents is not optimistic, and the anxiety of parents has also been passed on to me to a large extent. Every parent wants their children to grow up healthily, and they are thinking about their children and pouring love into their children. But in fact, sometimes it is not necessarily conveyed to the child's heart. "Love" will develop in the opposite direction under certain conditions, and sometimes it will cause adverse effects on the child's body and mind. Become the "obstacle" to the growth of life.
Freud said: "The main motivation for growth comes from separation from parents. "Every child is a flower. Before he bloomed, the responsibility of parenthood was to awaken.
Every child is a flower, but the flowering period is different, some flowers bloom in the spring, and some bloom in other seasons. When other people's flowers bloom in the spring, don't worry, maybe your flowers bloom in the summer; if they haven't bloomed in the autumn, don't be anxious to stomp his feet, maybe this tree in your house is a plum, and the blossoming will be more moving. If your flowers have not yet bloomed in winter, don't be angry, maybe your flowers are an iron tree, the iron tree does not flower, the blossoms are stunning, and the flowers are gorgeous. The real gardener does not care about the time when the flowers bloom, but only works silently and waits for the flowers to bloom.
Studies have found that even if a baby is just born, it is also affected by the mother's psychological state. When a mother is impatient, she will often lose her temper with a baby who does not know anything, or treat the child coldly. If this happens frequently, "the child will become a person with a bad heart, easy to get angry, and paranoid in nature in the future." Children who grow up in anxiety are doomed not to be happy, nor can they feel the joy of learning and progress, they can only feel invisible pressure and constraints, and over time, children will only become more and more unconfident, and less and less know how to enjoy the joy of growth. "You can only educate others if you are constantly committed to educating yourself." Therefore, waiting for a flower to bloom is the true respect for us and our children.
A letter from a death row inmate to his mother reminds us:
Mom, your son is going to the execution ground tomorrow. I don't know why I got to this point today, I can only let the scenes of the past come to mind...
3 years old: I ran too fast and got rocked. You hurriedly lifted me up and kicked me twice into the stone while comforting, "Baby don't cry." Stinky stone! Look at putting our baby bumping. Hearing this, I wanted to hold back my tears and cried in your arms for more than half an hour. You let me know that I fell on the wrong stone, but I didn't know that you were just trying to coax me not to cry anymore.
When I was 4 years old: I didn't want to eat dinner because I was watching TV, so you brought the meal to me and fed it to me. You let me know that I could enjoy life like this, but I didn't know that you were just afraid that I would have to wash myself by spilling my food on my clothes.
When I was 6 years old: You took me to the toy store to buy gifts, saying that you could only buy the same. But I bought a Transformer and I still want a model airplane, and if you don't agree with me, I'll lie on the ground and cry until you pay for it. You let me know that you tried and tried to use this trick against you, but I didn't know that you just didn't want to embarrass yourself in front of others.
When I was 8 years old: I want to try to wash my socks, you are afraid that I will not be able to wash them; I want to learn to brush the dishes, you are afraid that I will break the bowls; I want to serve my own rice, you are afraid that I am hot. You let me know that there were so many difficulties and dangers in my life that I couldn't face, but I didn't know that you just didn't want to let yourself rework what I had done.
When I was 10 years old: You signed me up for 3 tutoring classes and 2 interest classes, and when I was tortured and exhausted, you said how to be a good person without suffering. You let me know that studying and taking interest classes was such a painful thing, but I didn't know that you just wanted me to make a splash in front of my relatives and friends one day.
When I was 13 years old: I played football and broke the window of my neighbor's house, and after you lost money, I apologized to my neighbor. You let me know that a "sorry" after the accident was fine, but I didn't know that you were complaining that your neighbors had blackmacked us with a lot of money.
When I was 15: I said I wanted to learn piano, and you lent me money to buy one, but after a month I never touched it again. You let me know that you can be very willful without money, but I don't know that it took you three years to pay off your debts.
When I was 19 years old: I volunteered, and you said that being a lawyer not only makes more money but also has status, but also makes me study law. You let me know that you just had to follow the path you had drawn, but I didn't know that you just wanted me to make up for your failure to be a lawyer.
When I was 20 years old: I wanted to change my phone and tell you that I would be able to contact you often. You don't say a word to call me 3,000 yuan on the card. But apart from calling my girlfriend every day, I haven't called you several times a year. You let me know that you were my free-to-use CASH machine, but I don't know how many times you've had birthdays and you've been expecting me to call you.
When I was 24 years old: After I graduated, you paid me to get me into a public institution. You let me know that the university was a mess and could hold an iron rice bowl, but I don't know how many people you begged behind your back.
At the age of 27: Watching me talk about a lot of people who couldn't get along, the girls said that I had no sense of responsibility and was still a child who hadn't grown up. You said that the marriage had not yet arrived, and that they did not deserve me. It was you who made me think that missing me was a loss for those girls, but I don't know how many blind dates you carried me on your back.
At the age of 32: I had a high gambling debt, and you were very angry, but in the end you helped me pay off my debts. You let me know that no matter what I do, you will help me carry it, but I don't know that I squeezed out the money you are ready to retire.
35 years old: When I could no longer ask for a penny from you, I killed someone for robbery. The moment you heard the death sentence, you cried and scolded God for being unfair to you, and you suffered all your life in exchange for this result. I finally know that in the name of love, you have robbed me of the opportunity to grow, snuffed out my ability to survive again and again, and deprived me of the right to take responsibility for my own life again and again...
It turned out that at the moment of death, I had never grown up at all...
It turns out that paying for children in the wrong way is reaping the pain of two generations...
It turns out that education has no chance to start again...
It turned out that you personally sent me to the guillotine... Originally......
Mom, take care of yourself! I'm leaving tomorrow. Hopefully, in another world, I can learn to take responsibility for myself and find my own happiness.
Friends, what a painful realization. There are no children who can't manage well, only parents who can't manage their children. The child is the mirror of the parent, and the parent is the role model of the child. Educating children well is destined to be a long and arduous process that requires the patience and sense of responsibility of parents. Life is long, why panic. The biggest problem with education for many parents is their reluctance to wait. Every child is a beautiful landscape, and the parent-child relationship is a deep fate in life, a love without complaint, and a long journey of heart and wisdom. Instead of setting a distant goal for the child, it is better to encourage the child to be a happy ordinary person.
Contributed by the Rights and Interests Department of the Provincial Women's Federation
Propaganda Department of the Provincial Women's Federation
Produced by the Provincial Women's Federation Network and New Media Center