Guide
Educating children is like a thick book, parents should not be anxious, but should slowly and carefully read page by page, thinking and even understanding, too hasty or inattentive will understand the wrong intentions, resulting in bad results.
Accompanying children in the process of growing up is like leading a snail for a walk. Only by slowing down and quieting down can we understand the beauty of the child's world.
1
A few days ago, a fifth-grade parent brought his child over for counseling. Mom seemed to be very educated, and as soon as she came up, she talked to me about the education style she had always adhered to:
Free-range, loose, respectful of the child's autonomy, never tuition for him, nor value his academic performance...
Well, that sounds good, very thoughtful parents. Thumbs up.
Then I asked: Did the child have any problems with his math?
"He can't understand what the teacher says in class, and he basically doesn't do his homework at home, and now he not only has mood swings when he talks about this subject."
Our parent-child relationship has caused many problems because of his problems in learning mathematics, and soon to the beginning of the primary school, our area does not have good educational resources.
We are still facing a school choice, and I don't know how to do this math now..." I saw that bright mother seemed to have suddenly faded.
When communicating with children, I found that in the fifth grade, he did not even reach the level of math in the third grade.
At the end, the mother asked me. Teacher, can you help us make a holistic plan for my son's situation?
In the face of her anxiety, I really want to say to the mother: You know anxiety now, you know that you have to plan as a whole, so what have you done in all these years.
That's right, you said that you respect a relaxed, free upbringing environment, respect for the child's autonomy, respect for his hobbies, equal dialogue, encourage him to live out himself... I agree.
You said: you don't care about grades, because the process is more important than the result... I agree.
You said, don't interfere too much with the child, don't interfere in the child's life, give the child independence... I agree.
But, dear, if that's the case, then why should you be anxious?
That being the case, isn't it nice that the only thing you have to do is wait, wait for him to grow up, wait for him to grow up to be what he should have grown.
2
I remember that some time ago an article blew up the circle of friends, roughly speaking:
"Every child is a flower, it's just a different flowering period. Some flowers bloom in the spring, and some bloom in other seasons.
When someone's flowers bloom in the spring, don't be in a hurry, maybe your flowers bloom in the summer; if they don't bloom in the autumn, don't be in a hurry to stomp his feet.
Maybe this one in your house is a plum, and it will be more moving. If your flowers have not yet bloomed in winter, don't be angry, maybe your flowers are an iron tree.
Iron trees do not bloom, and the blossoms are stunning and dazzling. The real gardener does not care about the time when the flowers bloom, but only works silently and waits for the flowers to bloom..."
What a beautiful passage. But I think many parents don't really understand the meaning of this sentence.
They only see "waiting for the flowers to bloom", but ignore "silent cultivation".
When you envy other people's children for their strong expression ability and good writing. Please don't overlook that people begin to insist on parent-child reading when their children are young.
Take your child to life as soon as you have time, smell the colors of the flowers, watch the trees dance in the wind, see the sky full of stars, listen to a pool of frogs...
When you envy other people's children have good physique and strong athletic ability. Please don't overlook, people take their children to swim as soon as they have time.
On the weekend, a family of three climbed the mountain, camped, rode a bicycle to the countryside, hiked to the top of the green mountain, saw the clouds on the edge of the sky, and the tall buildings of the city in the distance...
When you envy other people's children's good math scores and great logical thinking, please don't ignore that people are very young when their children are very young.
Take your child to play math games, build blocks, and consciously let your child allocate dishes and chopsticks according to the population of the family when eating.
Talk about math picture books, play Sudoku with your children, or find a good teacher for your children to lead the way.
When you envy other people's children for being so thoughtful, so planning, so creative, you ignore it.
When he was a child, you never opened a window for him to see the richness of the world, and you did not plant a seed in his heart.
Let him have expectations and expectations for his future. You have not given him a little guidance when he is confused, so that he can see the road to be taken, and you are closer to her dream...
We are used to saying "other people's children", but which other people's children are born so "good"? Every "ideal child".
They have been cared for by their parents at every stage of their growth and transformation of life... As a parent, how to lead is the more important topic behind the "ideal child".
As an independent living individual, the child cannot design and intervene in his life, but at every key station in their early stage of growth, we should be there, do not make decisions, only tell him: About this matter, our advice is...
When the child's vision and pattern are not big enough, he needs our guidance. Only when he has enough vision, enough power.
What kind of road he chooses and how far he chooses to go is his business. And what you have to do at that time is to turn around and silently bless and miss.