Friends, I am a psychological consultant of the Gansu Provincial Women's Federation, a national second-level psychological counselor, Zhou Zhiling, and the president of the Gansu Women's and Children's Psychological Counseling Association.
Recently, several parents have left messages saying that their children are obsessed with games all day long, and day and night are reversed. It affects learning, but it also affects interpersonal communication. Persuading him and scolding him will not help, what should I do?
Long-term addiction to online games, the biggest impact on children is the damage to self-function and social function; in the stage of learning and mastering knowledge, when it is time to work hard, choose to "fall behind" and miss the best learning stage of life's "sponge absorbing water"; through self-attack (wasteful stumbling) way to complete the attack on others (parents' expectations are disappointed), the cost is too high.
A reality is in front of us - post-00s, post-10 children, born in the digital age, which reminds parents rather than strict prevention, it is better to think rationally: why do your children become addicted to online games, in the end is there a solution?
The biggest reason why the child is addicted to mobile phone online games is that he is not more interested in things. The more you ask him not to play, the more he wants to play. The way to really make him quit garbage games is also very simple, you have to let him understand that there are many interesting things in this world, there are many good games, encourage children to watch more, play more, touch more, let him have comparisons, and then he can indulge in interesting things or good games.
As parents, we need to see the positive significance of online games for children, otherwise we will stand against children. In many psychological counseling cases, we found that a considerable number of good people who play online games often have deep depression, which is not equivalent to "depression", but more of an unspeakable "depressive state". This depressive state can be ignored or not seen by "playing online games", because most of the time, when he is idle/lonely/bored/helpless, he can gain a sense of control by playing games, and he is not free from facing this helplessness, boredom or time with himself. If playing a game is playing with or against a group of people, getting the attention and attention of the team at this time, or cooperating with the team, will make you feel the feeling of being recognized and belonging without being lost or abandoned. The maneuverability, simulation, and reproducibility of the virtual world are unmatched in the real world.
The vast majority of addictions have both positive and negative sides. In fact, to some extent, many people have addiction, and there are also times when we chase after the drama and don't want to sleep, and we also have times when we hold the phone and don't want to put it down. Even when we treat our children, sometimes like addiction, we want to control him, we want him to listen to us, no matter how many times the experts say to trust the child, but it is difficult for us to do it. Therefore, even if the child is really addicted to online games, even if it has reached the level of addiction, it does not mean that the child has a problem and is hopeless. He was only temporarily obsessed with a certain game, did not come out for a while, and needed our love and support.
There are several reasons why children are addicted to online games:
First, online games satisfy children's sense of accomplishment. Online games are exciting, and every challenge you complete is rewarded. It is particularly attractive to children who lack a sense of accomplishment at home and at school. He may be humble in school, but he may be a big hero in online games. Schools and families are certainly unattractive compared to games. If you want your child not to go to the virtual world to find a sense of accomplishment, you usually have to create more opportunities for your child to experience a sense of accomplishment in life.
Second, online games meet children's social needs. Children have the need to connect with others, many children come home very lonely, no small partners to play with, no parents to accompany. Especially middle and high school students, if the classmates are playing, he does not understand anything, how do you let him find his place in the group and have a good relationship with his classmates? You have to accompany him, you have to let him have something to do, you have to let his emotions have a place to sustenance.
Third, it satisfies the child's cathartic emotions in reality and completes the events that he cannot complete in reality. The more restricted the children are at home, the more they like to control others in the game. The more repressed the child in the family, the more he likes violent online games. Especially for a child who grew up in a violent family, playing games is a journey of spiritual healing for him.
Fourth, if the child is very young, if the parents use TV and mobile phone games to accompany the child, the child will get used to that kind of sound and light stimulation, and it will not be able to stand it when it is quiet. Some parents are afraid that their children will not play, they will be outdated, and they are afraid that their children will play too much and be addicted, how can we be satisfied with the children? If we are such parents, we really need to heal ourselves before educating our children.
When children are forced to be bearers of their parents' inner anxieties, online games are a way to get out of touch with reality. When "hatred", "complaint", "grievance", "helplessness" and so on bind the life of parents and children together, becoming an important hair-making element of depression, the price to bear is that the child is difficult to obtain the vitality of life and the abandonment of self.
Friends, in the new year, the intention of love should be expressed in a loving way, and some children are difficult to get out of Internet addiction no matter what method they use, and they are lonely and "happy" in the virtual world. Only by letting the child feel that life is his, life is his, he lives for himself, he does things for himself, he is responsible for himself, can he solve the problem.
Contributed by the Rights and Interests Department of the Provincial Women's Federation
Propaganda Department of the Provincial Women's Federation
Produced by the Provincial Women's Federation Network and New Media Center