There are marriages that are ruined by being too familiar with each other; there are marriages that are ruined by the lack of a basic understanding of each other.
Emotional writer Zhang Defen said: "The truth of marrying a person is the integration of a person and a family, and in this process of integration, the role of the mother-in-law cannot be ignored, or even pivotal." ”
No matter what age we are, don't rush marriage, don't get married for the sake of getting married. For the road ahead that you can't see clearly, you must carefully examine it and understand it clearly before you can move forward.
Marriage is not only about the integration of two people, but also about looking at each other's families. Know that women are having a bad time in marriage and are in a more difficult situation than when they are single.
At the urging of her parents, Wen Jia entered into marriage with Song Liang, who had only been acquainted for four months at the age of 33. Song Liang was 35 years old, 2 years older than Wen Jia.
After more than a year of marriage, Wen Jia successfully gave birth to a son at the age of 35. Wen Jia thought that this was the beginning of her happy life, but she did not want to be caught off guard by life.
Before giving birth to a son, Wen Jia once felt that she was very happy. The husband is honest, and although the mother-in-law is not very satisfied with herself, she is not the kind of person who wants to provoke a small family dispute, and she helps her from time to time.
But I didn't expect that after giving birth to a child, it would be different.
Before the mother-in-law wanted to move into a small family of two people, Wen Jia was not good at cooking, the mother-in-law said that the newlyweds who were not at home to open the fire, to move in to teach Wen Jia well.
Every time the mother-in-law brought it up, Wen Jia was concerned about him, and coupled with Wen Jia's pressure on her husband Song Liang, the mother-in-law always did not move into this small family as desired.
After Wen Jia gave birth to the child, the mother-in-law did not say hello and moved in in a big bag. Wen Jia fixed her mind, thinking that her mother-in-law was coming, she could help herself with her children, after all, she was a novice mother who didn't understand a lot.
In the month, Wen Jia asked yue jia to take care of her, and the realistic scene after the confinement was: Song Liang and her mother-in-law did not care about the child, and the two people were lying on the bed, one brushing mobile phone, and the other was also brushing mobile phone.
Wen Jia was too busy to come alone, sometimes washing the child's clothes by hand here, and the child over there was crying. When the child is awake, Most of the time Wenjia is trotting at home.
Only the child sleeps, Wen Jia can take a break, or busy with other chores or tidy up the child's things, or disinfect the utensils, or purchase daily necessities from the Internet to supplement the daily necessities.........
The mother-in-law also cleaned up the guest room on the grounds that Song Liang was busy at work and had to drive the next day, afraid that the children's crying at night would affect their rest, and let Song Liang move out of the master bedroom.
During that time, Wen Jia often felt depressed, and as soon as her mother-in-law instructed Song Liang not to move herself, her mother-in-law also said coldly: "You take good care of your son, I manage my son well, this is the right reason." Legally, the elderly are not obliged to take care of their grandchildren. ”
During that period of busy hands and busy days, Wen Jia often hid in the toilet and cried, and also thought about letting her mother-in-law move out.
Originally tired, I turned my head to see these two women leisurely eating melon seeds, watching TV, playing mobile phones, and my heart was not generally blocked.
However, the mother-in-law said that now Wen Jia only cares about the children, and she can't take care of her son at all, if she moves out, her son can't even eat hot food, unless Wen Jia can take care of Song Liang, or she will resolutely not leave.
Sometimes, when the child was crying, Wen Jia was angry, so she sprinkled the anger on the child, and then regretted it to death.
After such a period of time, Wen Jia calmed down. When Wen Jia made up her mind to divorce, her son was already more than 2 years old. Although Chang Liang does not care much about children, he also occasionally teases, buys some toys and the like.
Wen Jia asked her son if he wanted to move out with his mother in the future, and the child said that he wanted his father and not to leave. After repeatedly pulling with her son a few times, Wen Jia compromised. Just when this family does not have this mother and son, the son is getting bigger and bigger, and it is getting better and better.
The days went on without direction, and Wen Jia gradually adapted to such a life. The mother-in-law cooked for Chang Liang in a different pattern, and occasionally left some scraps for Wen Jia to be cold. Wen Jia does not eat.
In order to pick up and drop off her children from school, Wen Jia quit her promising job and found a job to spend her days. Once when Wen Jia's son was in the second grade, the mother-in-law who said that "not helping the daughter-in-law is the right thing to do" suddenly wanted to help pick up her grandson from school.
The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law were awkward, and they actually spent ten years together. The mother-in-law is 69 years old, her health is not good, and she is taken care of by Chang Liang. It's not that I didn't think to let Wen Jia help, and Wen Jia said that Wen Jia was not annoyed or angry or did not reach out.
When Chang Liang was 47 years old, he suffered a stroke and fell ill, but he did not need to stay in bed, but he could only be regarded as semi-self-care. At this point, what the mother-in-law said about the people taking food as the sky cannot be implemented at all.
Mother and son biscuit milk, instant noodles... It can only be eaten at a variety of speeds. Wen Jia takes her children to extracurricular classes every night, returns home at 7 or 8 o'clock, and is only responsible for herself and her children's daily life. Wenjia also has arrangements on weekends and is rarely at home.
Once, the mother-in-law was hospitalized, and Chang Liang took care of her for two days and two nights in a row, and then she couldn't eat, so she asked Wen Jia to help. Wen Jia refused in front of everyone in the ward, saying that she could help run errands and had done her best.
The people in the ward did not have a good look for Wen Jia, as if they had identified Wen Jia as an evil daughter-in-law, and the two mothers and sons in the ward were vulnerable groups. But Wen Jia didn't care, she wasn't at all moved.
The mother-in-law wanted to say something to Wen Jia, but opened her mouth, but still did not say it.
Tu Lei once said: "Marriage is husband and wife, and life is between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law." ”
The mother-in-law who knows how to hurt her daughter-in-law is the mother who really hurts her son; how big the pattern of the mother-in-law is, how high the starting point of marriage is.
In fact, isn't Wen Jia a victim of this marriage? The small days that should have been warm, even if they were small days, Wen Jia had never obtained them, and only a heart chill was left.
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law do not have to be as good as one person, and realistically, this is not possible. But if you want a stable family, you must at least respect each other and be considerate of each other.
Grandma Wenjia was right, the old man had no obligation to help take care of his children and grandchildren. But compare your heart to your heart, help if you have the ability, and don't want to help and don't add to others.
Your son is a baby, and someone else's daughter is also pregnant with a baby in October. Now most of them are dual-career families, and the old thinking has long been unsuitable for the development of this society.
Men in marriage should understand that housework is two people, children are also two people, want to enjoy filial piety in old age, and have to take on obligations when they are young.
Women, don't be in a hurry in the face of marriage, carefully screen, don't step into it in a vacuum, miss a lifetime.
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The world is so big, thank you, you can see me!
[Wen | Wei Wei'an: the pen has temperature, for the voice of emotion, an atypical writer who loves words, invites you to perceive life together]