Hello everyone, I'm Cocoa.
Many friends around me complained to me, hey, the mother-in-law of the family is used to spoiling the children to heaven, and they don't listen to what they say, what to do? Let's start with a story.
Komatsu is a freshman in the first year of elementary school. On this day, when the lunch break came, the teacher said to the whole class: "Please put away everything on the desk and get ready to rest." ”
The classmates all collected their things, but he was motionless. The teacher asked, "Did you hear what the teacher said just now?" ”
Komatsu said, "I heard." ”
The teacher then asked, "Then why don't you do what you're asked to do?" ”
Komatsu then said, "It's too much trouble to collect things, everything in the family is collected by grandma, and I never need to collect it." ”
Later, the teacher talked to the parents and learned that because his parents were busy at work, Komatsu grew up with his grandparents.
Komatsu is the only seedling in the family, grandparents are more spoiled children, everything depends on Komatsu, the whole family is basically transferred to the child's will, so Komatsu is more self-ego, but also more conceited with other children, at home and often with their parents to do, temper is also very large.
How should families of intergenerational education cooperate with each other in order to accompany their children to grow up healthily?
Coco's mother asked a lot of friends, summed up 5 tricks, friends with this aspect of trouble to see, package you harvest full.
The first trick is that young people are more close to their children
Have you found that families with generational education problems are young people who are very busy at work, or parents rarely accompany their children, and most of the time they let the elderly take their children.
Therefore, this first and most critical trick is that parents themselves should be closer to their children.
Many children do not listen to their parents, more listen to the elderly, the surface reason is that the elderly rely on him, follow him, the fundamental reason is that the children think that the elderly love him more, usually grandparents or grandparents accompany, and the elderly are closer.
Because love is mutual, the child can feel if you love him with your heart.
There is no time to accompany the child all day, as soon as I go home and see where the old man loves the child, he begins to preach, empathize with it, you are a child, what do you feel? You might not like your parents too, right.
Therefore, to solve the problem of intergenerational education, we must start from repairing the parent-child relationship.
When you get home, put down your phone, spend more time with your children, play games, listen, and tell stories. The more time you spend with, the less time the elders spend, and the children are naturally closer to you and more willing to listen to you.
For example, if you want to tidy up your home today, you can say: "Come, baby, Mom is going to clean up the bookcase today, such a big project, I hope you can help me, you are very important, you must help me." ”
The child will feel: Wow, this home needs me a lot, and then in the process of cleaning up with his parents, there are many pleasant experiences, at this time, he will feel that the family can bring him more growth.
As you become closer to your child, you can say this to your child: "Mom and Dad love you very much, grandparents love you very much, and the elderly may have a softer heart, so they will often be particularly accommodating to you." ”
"But Mom and Dad know that in this society, only by becoming better can you be valuable and win the respect of others, so Mom and Dad sometimes ask you to be strict because we want you to grow up to be better." 」
Then, guide the child to say: "Mom and Dad hope that you can work with me to make you better!" ”
What is this for? Allies? You and your child simply become a team of people.
The child will feel that the parents are strict, because he may hope that I will have a better future, and if I want to work hard with them, then I feel that he is the master of his own life, as long as he has a sense of autonomy, the child's self-restraint ability will increase with age.
Some parents said that I was very busy at work, I didn't have time to spend with my children, and those who said this were irresponsible.
How busy is it that you go home every night to play a game with your child for 20 minutes, or don't have time to talk? Are you busy, is the president of the United States busy?
Obama was very busy as president, in fact, the busiest was the campaign, but even in the 21-month campaign, he never missed a parent-teacher meeting for his children, and every week he would take time to spend with his children.
He said: "I will not be president for the rest of my life, but I will be a good father for the rest of my life." "This dad, who was once the busiest in the world, gave his children the best quality companionship.
Accompanying the child is not a question of whether there is time or not, it is a question of whether you want to accompany or not, but Coco's mother always thinks so.
If your significant other, especially the dad, rarely spends time with the kids, send him this article, especially Obama's stories and words about accompanying the kids, and let him fulfill his duty as a parent.
The second trick is to understand and respect the elders
I have such a point of view: the elderly with children is responsible for love, and young people with children in addition to love, but also to establish a sense of rules for children.
Therefore, when we deeply understand this truth, we will think that the elders have raised us as adults, and now they are helping us to bring the next generation, in addition to gratitude or gratitude, there will not be too much complaint and blame.
Only when we realize from the bottom of our hearts that the elderly have no obligation to help us with the baby, respect and understand the elderly, so that we can calm our minds, and when there is a problem of pampering children, we can communicate with the elderly with gratitude, so as to achieve better results.
Home is a place of love, not an arena for winning or losing. If there is a problem, communicate well, find a way to solve the problem together, and don't argue.
Therefore, whether it is to our own mother or to our mother-in-law, when our elderly people are sharing any child's situation with us, we had better say in front of the child: "Mom, you have worked hard, thank you so much!" ”
In this way, the elderly feel comfortable in their hearts, and give the children a model education of respecting the elders.
The third move is to clarify the scope of responsibilities
Here, you can also solve the problem of spoiling children by clarifying their respective responsibilities and delineating the scope of responsibility.
For example, the elderly are mainly responsible for the care of children's lives, and parents are mainly responsible for their children's learning and growth. Once the boundaries of responsibility are drawn, the elderly can both worry less and avoid some differences.
You can also try to hold family meetings from time to time to solve the problems that usually exist in this family meeting.
Here, do not say that the old man is wrong in front of the child, nor do you say in the grandparents' ears that the child can't do this or that.
The ultimate principle should seek the same, save the small difference, many principled issues to achieve the whole family unified implementation of the rules, to maintain the consistency of family education, some detailed problems, I think you can not go deeper, grasp the big and let go of the small, the healthy growth of children can be, each generation has a method of each generation.
The fourth trick is that the elders keep pace with the times
If you are a young person, you can send this paragraph to the elderly to see.
If you're already with a baby, take a closer look and think about whether I'm right or not, and whether you need to keep up with the times.
Many of the generation gaps in parenting pets are concentrated in aspects such as eating, drinking, and sleeping.
For example, some elderly people think that the more children eat, the better, the thicker the better, the more diligent the better, the longer they sleep, the better.
In fact, this is no scientific basis, we all need to grasp a degree, the child's physiological development is regular to follow.
For another example, many elderly people are too doting on children in terms of self-care, always like to feed children, help children wash their faces, brush their teeth and bathe, carry school bags or tidy up school bags for children, these are things that children can do themselves, rushing to do it for children.
Here, I would like to ask the elders who always work for their children: "Can you help your children for a lifetime?" Don't you want your children to go to society to be more independent and better? I believe that you also hope, if you really hope, let the child do more. When you are young, you don't eat the hardships of life, and when you are old, you have to suffer from society. ”
Besides, doing what you should do is not much pain!
Therefore, here is a sincere suggestion to the elders, to keep pace with the times to learn a little, the current era, has been with decades ago has a world of difference, before a lot of the older generation of unscientific parenting experience, to resolutely give up, now learning is very convenient, short videos are easy to understand, brush more, keep up with the pace of the times.
At the same time, it is also recommended that the elderly learn to let go, let the children do it themselves, enjoy their own blessings at the same time, but also exercise the younger generation.
The fifth trick is to borrow external forces appropriately
As the saying goes, foreign monks chant.
In front of the elderly, what others say is often much more useful than what we say ourselves, especially the words of some authoritative people, such as doctors, teachers, experts, and so on.
In order to make the elderly change their concepts, we can completely borrow external forces to help solve the problem.
For example, once recently, Cocoa was always hungry before going to bed, and Grandma cooked dumplings for the child to eat, so I found a doctor to say that eating before going to bed, short videos that affect sleep and growth hormone secretion were sent to the group at home.
After the grandmother read it, she told the child that she should not eat again before going to bed, and that she should eat early. You see, isn't this cleverly solved! It's a hundred times more effective than I would say directly about mother-in-law.
Sometimes the communication with the elderly and the communication with the child, there is a similarity in the way, the "old child" statement is extremely reasonable, you say yes?
What are your thoughts on solving the problem of the elderly doting on children? You have confusion or incomprehension in this regard, you can leave a message in the comment area, cocoa mother to help you answer Oh!
This article is original by Coco Ma, welcome to pay attention, take you along with long knowledge!