Psychologist Frank Kadler said: "One of the most unfortunate facts in life is that the first major tribulation we encountered came mostly from the family, and this tribulation is heritable. ”
The most terrible thing about being born a woman is to meet a patriarchal family. For a child, the love and care of parents is the most indispensable resource, and it is also a resource that deserves to be obtained.
After all, we can't choose the original family, but whether to become a parent or not, whether to have children or not, we have a choice, since you choose to become a parent, choose to bring a small life to this world, you should take on your own responsibilities, whether he is a boy or a girl, whether he is healthy or disabled, he deserves your love and care.
However, as psychologist Wu Zhihong wrote in "Why Families Hurt People": "The biggest lie in the world is that there are no parents who do not love their children."
Those who have carved the idea of son preference into the marrow of their bones do not love their children, but only love their sons, do not love their daughters, because in their eyes, daughters are the stepping stones of their sons, that is, outsiders, and what they do is right, so there is no need to correct them.
In the eyes of these parents who have long recognized the idea of favoring sons over daughters, the daughter's resistance is not called fighting for her own rights and interests, it is called filial piety, and it is called a white-eyed wolf.
Today, my elementary and junior high school classmate Aunt Su came to my house and asked me if I knew Sun Xiao's specific address or the name of Sun Xiao's company. Although I do know where to find Sun Xiao, I can guess what Sun Xiao's mother wants to do, after all, her mother is patriarchal and well-known, so I can only answer that I don't know.
Aunt Su didn't believe it, even asked me several times, but didn't get an answer, so she complained to my mother about the pain, scolding her daughter Bai Yang: "She earns 10,000 a month, tell me 3,000, just to not help her brother buy a house, you say, how did I raise such a daughter who is not filial piety, selfish, and does not look like a sister?" ”
01. The meaning of the daughter's existence is to help the son reduce the burden, and my parents told me;
Sun Xiao's mother has a serious patriarchal mentality, and everyone around her knows it.
When Sun Xiao was 4 years old, his mother ignored the policy requirements and bore her a younger brother. Sun Xiao's parents are busy making money to support the family, Sun Xiao learned to do housework at a young age, not only can not go out to play after school, but also to go home to cook, mop the floor, look at his brother, do not let his brother run around, otherwise the person who was beaten was not her brother, but her.
My mother felt envious when she saw Sun Xiao's well-behaved and sensible appearance, and when she saw her being beaten by her parents, she felt distressed and persuaded Sun Xiao's parents many times, but Aunt Su did not deny that she preferred sons to daughters, only because she did not think that she was at fault.
"I have two older sisters, a younger sister, a younger brother, from childhood to adulthood, they are also sisters who do housework and take care of their younger brothers, and my brother is in trouble, and my father beats us and does not beat my brother." When our three sisters got married, didn't my father ask for money and build a house for my brother and marry his wife? The meaning of the daughter's existence is to help the son reduce the burden, and my parents told me. ”
"Besides, my parents are responsible for their pensions by my brother, and our married daughters can't always take their parents to live at home!" When a daughter gets married, it is someone else's family, and the pension can only rely on the son. ”
"Don't talk about me, but you, hurry up and have another one, otherwise, Xiao Juan will marry out, and you will be pitiful when you are old." No matter how much the bride has a chance, it is not as good as a finger of the son. ”
My mother did not listen to Sun Xiao's mother's so-called "advice", and Sun Xiao's mother also went her own way, continuing to treat her daughter as a free nanny and her son as a heart and liver baby.
02. The daughter has to go to college, the salary is only 3000, and it is really a white study;
7 years ago, Sun Xiao was admitted to a university, if it is someone else's parents, they have long been happy to show off everywhere, to prepare for their daughter's enrollment, but Aunt Su only replied to her daughter with a sentence: "No money, work to go, make money for your brother to marry his wife." ”
"If you don't let me read, I'll die in front of you." Sun Xiao is not a person who is rebellious and obedient, and has a fight with his parents. Just when they were in a stalemate and did not give in to each other, Sun Xiao's aunt successfully made Sun Xiao's mother change her mouth and agree to let her daughter go to college.
"It doesn't cost much to go to college, let her do student loans, and earn living expenses part-time." It is important to go to college, and now this society does not have a good diploma, and it is impossible to find a high salary when it comes out to work. When she graduates and has a good job, can't she help her brother more? ”
Therefore, Sun Xiao worked part-time, studied hard, completed his studies, and after graduation, stayed in the city and found a job.
Aunt Su thought that the opportunity to ask for returns from her daughter had arrived, but what she did not expect was that her daughter's salary had been around 3,000, only enough to support herself, and she could not give much money to the family, let alone help her brother save money to marry his wife.
"You graduated with a book, the salary is only 3,000, not as good as a relative in my hometown, after graduating from high school, you can get eight or nine thousand in a month, what is the use of me raising you?"
"You resign!" Find another job, why are you so uncompromising, 3000 is satisfied? You are satisfied, what about your brother? We don't have any money in our family, so we expect you to save money for your brother to marry his wife. ”
Sun Xiao's mother hated that iron was not steel, and she started the idea of her daughter's bride price and began to find an object for Sun Xiao, so Sun Xiao rarely returned to her hometown.
03. She cheated on me, the monthly salary of 10,000 told me 3,000, shouldn't she make up for me and take the money to buy a house for my brother?
What Sun Xiao's mother did not expect was that Sun Xiao told her a "big lie", and her income was not 3,000 at all.
"I heard one of your classmates say that the girl has a monthly salary of more than 10,000 yuan, and she is comfortable, and she goes to eat hot pot on the weekend, do you know how much she is excessive?" She actually bought two mobile phones, I saw only more than two thousand, in fact she used seven or eight thousand mobile phones, in order to fool me, she rented the cheapest house. ”
After hearing about this matter, Aunt Su was angry and called her daughter to question her, and Sun Xiao also admitted it, allowing her mother to scold without saying a word. However, scolding her daughter is not what Sun Xiao's mother is most anxious to do.
"The monthly salary is 10,000, right?" You have graduated three years ago, that is 360,000, and the money you have saved in your hands is not 300,000, 200,000 is definitely there. Good daughter, you must have prepared it for your brother! As long as you give the money to your mother, your mother will not blame you. ”
Sun Xiao not only did not hand over the money, but he refused to answer his mother's phone again. When Aunt Su saw the situation, while scolding her daughter for not filial piety, she took her husband and son to find her daughter, but Sun Xiao took the first step, withdrew from the house, moved to another place, and did not even tell the classmate who said that he had slipped his mouth.
Aunt Su didn't know from me how to find her daughter, so she had to scold and grin and leave, and my mother told me: "Whether you know it or not, don't know, remember, no one should say it." ”
04. For people who have carved the idea of son preference into the marrow, you don't have to talk nonsense with her, just say no.
Keigo Higashino has a passage in "Shisheng": "Everyone wants to be born in a good family, but they can't choose their parents, what kind of cards are issued to you, you can only try to play it well." ”
Parents prefer sons to daughters, and daughters try to reason with them and play the family affection card, hoping to awaken their parents' affection for themselves and keep the family, but often the effect is minimal. If they really treated you as a daughter, they wouldn't have taken it for granted and wanton when a bowl of water hurt you unevenly.
As the saying goes, knowing mistakes can improve greatly, but knowing mistakes can be changed, for people who prefer sons to daughters, they will not think that their behavior is son preference, they will only think that they are your parents, giving you life, no matter what they do to you, you can only accept, must be completely in accordance with their requirements, otherwise it is filial piety.
Since communicating with them is tantamount to playing the piano to the cow, it can only be decisive and directly say that it is not good.
As YiShu once said: "In the short decades of life, the most important thing is to satisfy yourself, not to please others." ”
As a child, it is an obligation to honor your parents, but this does not mean that you need to meet all the requirements of your parents, you need to be a stepping stone for your brothers.
END.
Today's topic: Do you think Sun Xiao's approach is excessive? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.