Author | Qian Zhiliang
Source | Qian Zhiliang Studio (ID: qzlgzs)
In the eyes of adults, children will always have some headaches "bad diseases",
In order to make these problems disappear, we often can't help but label the child with all kinds of labels, criticize him, and hit him.
In fact, this is a necessary stage in the child's growth process.
As long as we look at these problems from another angle, we will find these "bad problems" that hide the child's growth opportunities.
talk back
Chinese parents don't like their children to talk back.
This blatant defiance often makes parents feel offended, and almost no adult likes this feeling of loss of control.
For example, when it is cold, you want to persuade your child to add a coat, but he refuses, in your opinion:
Children are uncooperative, disobedient, and do not know what to do.
However, if you look at it from the child's point of view, he is actually just expressing his true feelings:
"I'm not cold right now, I don't need a coat."
This kind of rebellion is not entirely a bad thing, but rather a sign of the child's growth, because he is fighting with his parents for autonomy.
As children get older, they have a strong sense of self, and they are trying to get rid of dependence, hoping to get a greater voice to meet their needs.
The essence of the counter-talk is not that the child deliberately provokes you to be angry and opposes you, but that the child wants to convince you with their logic and defend their right to choose, which is the expression of courage and desire for independence.
A university of Virginia once found that:
Those children who argue with their parents from an early age will have a stronger ability to deal with differences of opinion and speech pressure in social interactions when they grow up.
I once saw a mother comment on her daughter who was fighting with herself:
"This child, your wings are hard, don't you say one sentence you top ten sentences!"
But on second thought, isn't the ultimate goal of raising a child to harden his wings, get out of the family, and fly to a wider world?
The appearance of the mouth back means that the child's sense of independence is quietly awakening.
As the German psychologist Dr. Anglica Fass has confirmed:
"The debate between generations is an important step on the path to adulthood for the next generation."
So, if your child often "talks back" to you, don't be in a hurry to get angry, what you have to do is teach them how to "talk back" correctly.
When a child wants to express a need, it is not like" as if he were saying, "I want to do this," but needs a reasonable reason.
This requires adults to ask children more "why" and cultivate children's logical expression skills.
At the same time, avoid some extremely offensive words.
Let the child know that their feelings and thoughts are highly valued by parents, but always pay attention to the way and attitude.
Arguing moderately and politely is very beneficial for children.
Fun
Kindergarten teachers always encounter this problem when new students enter the school:
"What exactly is taught in kindergarten?"
"Does the kindergarten teacher take the child to play every day?"
When adults learn that children use play as their main activity in kindergarten, adults feel anxious:
"Other people's children know hundreds of words, but my children only know how to play crazy!"
Adults have a prejudice against play, that is, "play" is the most delayed in children's learning.
In fact, childhood play has a vital role in the growth of children.
In the process of seemingly blind play, children learn what they have been using for a lifetime.
Psychologist Mark Rosenzweig did an experiment with three groups of mice:
The first group was placed together in a standard cage for normal feeding;
The second group is separated and fed in opaque, dimly lit cages;
The third group was fed in large, well-lit cages with toys.
The results showed that there were significant differences in brain development in mice with different living environments.
The more spacious and bright the "rich environment" with many toys, the better the brain development of the mouse, the more prominent the abilities.
That is to say, in simple play, children learn various survival abilities.
A mother once complained that her child was the child king in the community, the children liked him, they all loved to play with him, and the mother was worried that if this went on, the child's heart would play wild.
In fact, if a child can be welcomed among his peers, it is precisely his social skills and leadership performance.
It is not a bad thing that he has exchanged sincerity and kindness for the love of his companions.
Children who can play have great potential.
Children can release exuberant energy in play;
You can learn the rules of social interaction;
Playing with parents can also rebuild the bridge of affectionate connection between parents and children.
Excessive restriction of children's play, but let children lose curiosity and desire to explore.
Love to play is the nature of every child, parents should not only support their children to play, but also play together, so that children can be a fun adult in the future.
Introverted and not talkative
"How nice it would be if you were a lively child!"
"How dare you not even speak?"
"You have to learn to be extroverted, too introverted and not out of the ordinary."
This is the most common thing introverted children hear growing up.
Adults often regard introversion as a child's defect, can't help but worry and worry, and even want to forcibly change the child's personality.
In order to exercise the courage of his grandson, he took his child to the park every day and asked him to recite a poem or sing a song in public.
Later, as soon as the child heard that he was going to the park, he cried.
The persecution of the elderly has left a big shadow on the psychology of children, and they are more and more afraid of communicating with people.
In fact, introversion is not a bad problem.
Psychologist Jung once described introversion and extroversion this way:
Extroverts are like solar panels that need outdoor sunlight to recharge, so they will socialize a lot, engage in high-intensity stimulation, and awaken the energy of the body;
Introverts, on the other hand, are like a kettle and need indoor current to recharge, so the way they get energy is to take a good rest in a quiet environment.
Knowing a friend is an introvert who usually likes to read, be alone, and when he gets along with us, he is not very willing to talk.
He once jokingly said, "My mother often says I'm stupid, so I'll just listen to you." ”
In fact, this friend is very popular with everyone, and he can always find out who is unhappy or uncomfortable around him.
Although he does not like to talk, he knows how to listen very well, and in many important matters, he can give many pertinent suggestions to the people around him.
The introverted personality advantage has been ignored by many people.
Introverted children tend to be more focused on the inner world, good at calm observation, able to notice details that others cannot notice, know how to listen, and have the ability to be alone.
That's the power of an introverted child.
And the timid, unproductive label we label our children as destroys the child's power.
This is not advocating for introversion of children, nor is it denying cheerful children.
I just hope that parents can face up to this trait in their children, after all, everyone's personality and temperament are different from the day they are born.
If parents can adapt to their children's personality characteristics, more respect, more patient guidance, even introverted children can play a huge potential.
Parents are the people their children trust the most, and they are also the people who can help their children solve problems the most. As long as it is handled properly, these bad problems can also become a child's growth advantage.
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Author: Qian Zhiliang Studio (ID: qzlgzs), dedicated to providing parents with professional and practical parenting knowledge and concepts. Note: All images come from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact.
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