Text | Qian Zhiliang
Source | Qian Zhiliang Studio (ID: qzlgzs)
Be a mother who is rich in heart, optimistic in her heart, has light in her eyes, and has love in her heart, learn to appreciate and enjoy the beauty of life, and pass on self-confidence, diligence and bravery to her children.
"Annoyed, so busy every day, the salary is still so low!"
"What bad luck! It's raining so hard that I haven't brought an umbrella yet. ”
"Why are everyone else living so well? My life is a mess. ”
Are these negative energy discourses familiar?
Many mothers, who are particularly sensitive to unsatisfactory in life, will unconsciously express them in language:
How difficult it is to make money, how tired it is to work, how difficult it is to live, and what people feel is full of negative energy.
Dr. Hong Lan of Psychology has shown that:
From the perspective of human evolution, the emotional energy of women is far greater than that of men, the mother is the soul of the family, the mother is happy, the whole family is happy, and the mother is anxious and the whole family is anxious.
Mothers play an important role in homeschooling. It can be said that the mother's emotions will not only affect the child, but also determine the atmosphere of a family.
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Negative energy mom
It will make the child the savior of the emotions
A former student she taught recounted her personal upbringing:
Dad is not in good habits, always smoking, drinking, playing cards, not going home at night, my mother takes care of the family's diet and living alone, the body is very tired and the heart is also very wronged, and the face is always hung with a sad face.
Mom and Dad often quarreled, and Mom always shed tears in front of her, complained bitterly, and said how Dad had no conscience and no sense of responsibility.
From the beginning of understanding, she unconsciously assumed the "savior" of her mother's emotions, studied seriously, took the first grade every time, and always behaved particularly diligently and sensibly at home, hoping to reduce the burden for her mother and make her mother happy.
But her own emotions and feelings were always suppressed and ignored.
Under the long-term immersion of her mother's negative energy, her personality is always full of faint sorrow, sensitive and inferior, and cannot grow up healthily like other children without worries.
Some mothers feel that their children are small and do not understand anything, in fact, children are natural emotional receivers, especially for the mother's emotions, it will be more sensitive.
Whenever he sees his mother in a bad mood, the child unconsciously wants to be a "savior" and wants to make his mother happy again.
Gradually, he will ignore and suppress his feelings and emotions, be careful, and try to please.
Growing up in such an environment, children are prone to insecurity, lack of self-confidence, and dare not be themselves.
With such a heavy pressure and burden, his life and mental health will only get worse and worse.
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It will cause the child to form negative thinking
I once observed a common manifestation of negative thinking in a child who was only 7 years old:
Watching him write, in fact, it is already very good, but he always says "I write is not good", no matter how much encouragement he repeatedly says "not good";
Not only do they not recognize themselves, but they also like to say bad things about others, be picky about people and things, and vent their dissatisfaction;
Easy to lose temper and sulk.
Determining how far a child can go in the future depends more on his inner personality than on ability.
Among them, a positive and optimistic attitude is a very important quality.
Some children are very smart and capable, but they will only see the negative side when they encounter things, and it is easy to give up and be afraid to move forward when they encounter a little unhappiness;
Some children may have mediocre qualifications, but they will always think positively about problems, try to find solutions, do not feel sorry for themselves, and in the long run, they will be more successful in life.
The master of psychology Fromm said in "The Art of Love": Mother's love for life and fear of life are contagious, and both will have a profound impact on the child's all-round development.
A netizen said:
"My mother is particularly inferior in her bones, she feels that she can't do anything, she is very poor, she has brought this emotion to me since she was a child, I am now almost 28 years old, so that I have never believed in other people's praise for me, and the subconscious first reaction is: I am not worthy." 」
If a mother always passes on the unsatisfactory side of her child's life, when she encounters problems, she always likes to vent her emotions, self-pity, and sad face, not only can not solve the problem, but also easy for the child to form the same negative thinking.
Children with negative thinking are always prone to dissatisfaction with themselves, others, and the outside world, without actively solving problems; emotional instability, poor ability to resist setbacks, it is difficult to go far on the road of life.
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Be an optimistic mom
Give your child support and strength
The picture book "Mama's Red Sofa", which won the KaidecKirk Fairy Tale Book Award in the United States, tells a story full of happiness and hope:
A fire broke out in a little girl's home and things were burned down, but the girl's grandmother said: "Fortunately, we are still young and can start from scratch." ”
So three generations of grandmothers, mothers and children began the process of trying to save money to rebuild their homes.
After a period of frugality, they finally saved enough money to buy a beautiful, comfortable red sofa!
Picture books have led countless people to have the courage to start over at the lowest point and always face life with confidence, which has a profound impact on children and adults.
Mother's emotions and attitudes towards life can easily affect the child, and the child will turn the strength from the mother that he sees and feels into the strength of their own heart.
Every mother, in addition to educating her children and worrying about family chores, please do not forget to pay more attention to your emotions and state.
Learn to pay more attention to the positive and pleasant side of life and discover the beauty of life;
Use positive thinking when encountering problems, do not complain in front of children, vent their negative emotions, and focus more on finding ways to solve problems;
When a child makes a mistake, objectively point out the reason for the mistake, do not infinitely enlarge the mistake, and do not rise to the personality quality problem;
When a child encounters setbacks, what he needs most is a positive and optimistic mother to support him and help him, teach the child to learn to face negative emotions, and guide him to develop a positive attitude;
Try teaching your child with "not yet": just "not yet" done. For example, the child says that he is "not good at mathematics" and tells him that he has only "not yet" learned well, and as long as he tries to do it, it will get better and better.
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Life is all kinds of trivial daily life and chicken feathers, and people are troubled by endless things. However, the catharsis of negative energy will not only be of no help, but will add frustration and powerlessness, and make people depressed.
As the book "Mother's Emotions Determine the Future of The Child" says: "We are powerful people." We have the power to manage our lives. We have the power to manage our emotions. ”
This is the best gift for yourself, for your children, for your family.
This article | edited