In life, there is a phenomenon called "far away and near smell".
The so-called "far fragrance and near smell", in simple terms, is the meaning of distance to produce beauty.
Things that are far away, can't be seen clearly, will give you more beautiful imaginations; things that are close at hand will see flaws, aesthetic fatigue, and there will be stinging pains of reality.
From an emotional point of view, the appropriate distance will make the feelings more of a bond of missing.
Just like the wanderer in the distance, he will miss his hometown more; his parents will care and love his children more often than he is around.
Distant fragrance and near smell, usually used to describe the relationship between people.
Whether it is between couples, friends or relatives, there will often be a phenomenon of "far away and near smell". In some multi-child families, this phenomenon is more common between parents and children.
In life, I often hear people complaining that they have been by their parents' side for a long time, doing their best to take care of them, but in the end, they are not pleased and are not welcomed by their parents.
The other siblings, on the other hand, only come back once or twice a year, pay nothing at all, but are more favored by their parents.
Why is that? In fact, this is the phenomenon of "far fragrance and near smell".
Those children who have been close to their parents for a long time, their efforts are often regarded as a habit, and over time, parents will feel taken for granted.
However, the distance between people is closer, just like the principle of image imaging, the shortcomings will be magnified; the contact is frequent, and contradictions will arise.
Over time, your parents see your badness.
Those children who are not around their parents, because their parents miss, what they have in mind is his good; because they are not around, their parents always have a feeling of indebtedness.
No matter how the child is doing, always think of compensating him. Therefore, when he rarely comes back once, his parents will naturally treat him better.
This phenomenon is undoubtedly unfair to the child who has been filial piety around his parents for a long time. If it is criticized for this, it is even more humiliating.
01. Five brothers and sisters
Lin Hang (pseudonym), 45, is also currently suffering from the problem of "far fragrance and near smell".
Lin Hang has five brothers and sisters, his parents chose to retire in his home, after taking care of his parents for 7 years, he found that he paid and contributed, and finally did not please.
The parents are ordinary laborers, hardworking and kind, and in the process of growing up with five brothers and sisters, the parents have paid a lot.
For Lin Hang, supporting his parents is an unshirkable responsibility and a matter of course. No matter how much money he contributes, he has an unshirkable responsibility.
However, parents are one of the many sentient beings, ordinary people, but also laymen, they are old, cognitive ability is reduced, often confused.
In the process of taking care of his parents, Lin Hang suffered a lot of grievances. However, after all, it was his own parents, and no matter how big the grievance, he had to put it aside for the time being.
However, his wife Sheffield (pseudonym) is not related to her parents by blood, nor does she have a long-term emotional basis, so she cannot be like him without thinking about it or complaining.
Therefore, he must not only endure grievances, but also mediate between his parents and Sheffield to resolve the contradictions, if he cannot handle the contradictions well, not only will the feelings and quality of life of the husband and wife be affected, but also may lead to the breakdown of the family.
Lin Hang is the fourth of five siblings, with two older sisters and an older brother, and a younger brother below. Except for his younger brother, who works in another province, the other siblings have started families in nearby cities.
He and Sheffield settled in the provincial capital, not far from their hometown. My parents used to live with their brother until 7 years ago, when they went to Lin Hang's house to retire.
02. Parents choose to retire at my home
Lin Hang is the most prominent of the brothers and sisters.
Both he and Sheffield have formal jobs and certain positions. However, the couple is only glamorous in appearance, and the income is actually not very high.
Over the years, there have been no assets other than saving up two houses and two cars, as well as less than 200,000 in financial management. Of the two houses, one of them is still in the process of repaying the loan.
However, his parents believe that Lin Hang's family has the best conditions and should contribute more.
My brother's life is relatively poor, and his parents feel that they are older, they can't make money, they can't help, they can't live in their brother's house, and they increase their burden.
Therefore, he chose to go to his home for the elderly. Filial piety to his parents can bring a certain sense of moral superiority, and the arrival of his parents has given him the opportunity to fulfill his filial piety, and he was very happy.
However, the parents are older, have many physical problems, and often need to see a doctor and take medicine. What bothered him the most was that his parents, who had always been cheerful, became very stubborn and often had conflicts with Sheffield.
For Lin Hang, who is middle-aged, the most precious thing is energy.
After his parents came, it consumed too much of his energy, and he often felt physically and mentally exhausted. Worse still, he took care of him with all his heart, and in the hearts of his parents, it was not as good as the greetings of other siblings when they came to visit.
Moreover, not only did their parents look at their husband and wife more and more unpleasantly, but even other siblings were quite critical of them.
His father liked to drink, but his body did not allow it, Lin Hang hid the wine and did not let his father drink, so his father held a "hatred" for him.
Sheffield bought clothes for her mother, her mother herself selected on the mobile phone, was not satisfied after sending it, changed three or four times in a row, and finally did not buy it, and complained that the clothes were not the ones that were originally favored, it must be that Sheffield bought the wrong one...
03. Pay and contribute, and in the end it is not good
The list goes on and on. In particular, once, my father accidentally fell and was hospitalized, and he needed a fixed escort at that time.
Lin Hang was busy at work and couldn't get away; although Sheffield was at home during the holidays, those days, the school had to hold meetings, and there were invitations from institutions to give lectures, and there was no time to accompany her.
Therefore, Lin Hang hired a caregiver.
According to the agreement, the medical expenses for the parents' hospitalization are equally shared between the five brothers and sisters. The sister-in-law was worried about the high cost and said: "Isn't the sister-in-law just on summer vacation, and it is too wasteful to ask for a nurse..."
The eldest sister complained about him, saying: "The old man is not dropped, why don't you take care of it?" ”
Lin Hang felt very depressed. He had previously thought about his father's health and prevented his father from drinking, but his brothers and sisters said that his father was so old, he didn't like it, just drink less.
However, it is okay to drink it, in case something goes wrong, it is he who spends time and energy to take care of him, and it is he who is complained about by his brothers and sisters.
This is also the case in normal times, and parents often complain to several other children. The eldest sister is more straightforward, let him communicate well with Sheffield, his parents are older, no matter how wrong, you have to put up with some.
Several other brothers and sisters, on the other hand, twisted and turned, and there were words in their words, and each time he said that he was angry, and he paid and contributed, and finally he was not flattered.
04. Brothers and sisters Spring Festival party, take care of the parents for 7 years of wife showdown
This year's Spring Festival, brothers and sisters came to the house to gather.
When the family chatted, they inadvertently slipped up, and Sheffield learned one thing: a piece of land in her hometown was taken away before, and more than 80,000 compensation was distributed, and her parents felt that Lin Hang's living conditions were good, and divided the money to the other two brothers.
There is a saying that says: Do not suffer from widowhood but from inequality.
Sheffield was angry and said to him, "I don't care about that little bit of money, I care about fairness." ”
In fact, Lin Hang was also helpless. At that time, for this matter, he deliberately took a day off to take his father back to his hometown, running before and after running...
Later, sheffield was angry and proposed to take turns to retire in front of her brothers and sisters.
Sheffield said: "Whether you have money or not, everyone is dedicated to the matter of old-age care, if we all let us bear it, not only will we deprive you of the right to fulfill your filial piety, but the old man will also feel unhappy." ”
Everyone listened to Sheffield's words and began to shirk it.
The older brother began to cry poorly, the older sister complained about the various inconveniences in her family, and the younger brother spoke grandly.
The younger brother said: "Taking turns to provide for the elderly is indeed fair to us, but for parents, there is still no place to live at such an old age, whether it is very bad for both physical and psychological, we must focus on considering the feelings of parents." ”
Sheffield didn't care much, and directly showdown: No matter what you want, I will never do anything thankless again.
The "far fragrance and near smell" of his parents made Lin Hang very depressed, and now he is in a dilemma.
After Sheffi put forward the request for alternate pensions, several brothers and sisters unanimously decided that it was most appropriate for parents to stay in Lin Hang's home for the elderly, both in terms of environment and medical conditions.
But Sheffield is very determined, either taking turns to support the elderly, or the husband and wife are separated.
Lin Hang could only sigh.
He did not want his elderly parents to go to the homes of several brothers and sisters, but he did not know how to deal with the phenomenon of "far fragrance and near smell", nor did he know how to arrange the pension of his parents.
Do you have a better way?
--END--
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