Many older leftover men and women have been forced to marry by their parents, but my parents are particularly sensible and refuse to introduce me to boyfriends, saying that they will listen to me. I've always been thankful to have a couple

Many older leftover men and women have been forced to marry by their parents, but my parents are particularly sensible and refuse to introduce me to boyfriends, saying that they will listen to me. I've been thankful to have a pair of parents like that until I just overheard my parents talking. Dad said, "Just now someone introduced a boyfriend to my girlfriend." The old mother said: "Give it back, the girl is so capable, if she is married, who will brush the bowl?" Who washes clothes? Let's talk about it in a few years! ”

Yesterday I went to the park and saw a girl who was going to dive into the water to make a living, so I quickly went over to persuade her and said: You see you don't want to live, the girl let me cool down. Unexpectedly, she actually agreed, so I went up and kicked her down, which was so cool! The girl cried out: You are simply not human, animals are not as good as...

The buddies and their wives flashed marriage, just returned from their honeymoon, and they made a big fuss about divorce. I said, "As for divorce?" How big a deal is that? Dude: "She hid the past!" I said, "Huh? Have you ever been divorced before? Dude: "It's worse than that!" She won awards in taekwondo in the province! ”

There is a wayward daughter-in-law who can't afford to hurt! The community below to the children to install a trampoline, the daughter-in-law's eyes are hungry for several days, have to play, at night finally pressed impatient! Dead or alive pulled me to give her wind, she went to jump, and it didn't take a few jumps, and the trampoline leaked! I was a guest and a loser, so to speak, the property agreed not to talk about it!

The first time I went to my girlfriend's house, I wanted to enliven the atmosphere during dinner and prepare to tell a joke. The future old man said solemnly: "My family has a rule, you can't talk when eating." "Later, I went more and more cooked, and every time I ate, her father would listen to me tell jokes. The girlfriend whispered to her father, "You forgot our family's rules?" Her father also whispered, "This product is eating too fast, and we don't have any dishes to eat without letting him talk." ”

In the morning, my husband went out with his colleagues and made me a few egg cakes when he left, so that I could eat them at home alone. Me: Husband, what do I eat at noon? Husband: Didn't you make you a few egg cakes? Me: Don't I eat egg cakes all day? Husband: It's different, eat hot in the morning, eat cold at noon.

I had a talent for mathematics when I was young, which is really not my own blowing, it is recognized by the villagers. Grandparents opened a commissary, everyone likes to buy things when I look at the store, they all praise me for calculating quickly and accurately, unfortunately, my talent has not yet been fully revealed, and the shop has closed.

When I was a child, I was introverted and shy, so my father often told me to go to the grocery store to buy things, so that I could have more contact with people to improve my personality. Just like that, my personality really became cheerful, from whispering to the grocery store owner to following the things in his shop every day...

Husband: When I got married, you said you would give me 50 yuan a month of pocket money, and until now it is still 50 yuan. The original 50 pieces can be asked to ask friends to rub a meal in the restaurant, but now it is not enough to eat bowl noodles. Wife: I don't give you ten dollars more when it comes to holidays. Husband: Oh, I'm always looking forward to the holidays now.

I like a boy at the same time as my girlfriend, and the handsome family conditions are also very good. One day we went to his house to play, and my mother was very enthusiastic and ready to kill chickens to entertain us. I wanted the opportunity to perform, decisively rolled up my sleeves, grabbed the chicken head and pulled the neck hair down a knife in one go! Looking back at my girlfriend, this guy who grew up with me and killed pigs together actually covered his eyes and shivered and hid in the arms of the boy! Within a few months, they were married...

Shopping with my girlfriend to buy clothes, my girlfriend suddenly said: Are you very happy that you have my girlfriend? I've made you mature a lot over the years? I think, yes, two years ago I couldn't do laundry, cook, wash dishes, mop the floor. Finding a girlfriend can really make you mature a little faster.

Today my friend went on a blind date, the woman was introduced by my friend's sister-in-law, and after they met, the girl said, "I don't see that you are not a good person." Then my friend asked doubtfully, "Where did you see that?" The girl said, "You see your ears are so long, you must have been dragged by your mother from a young age!" ”

My wife took a fancy to a 7,000-piece bag, and I couldn't believe it: this bag looked no different from seventy pieces, and it actually cost seven thousand! If you buy seventy dollars, you can buy a hundred. The wife hurriedly said: Of course, there is a difference, carrying this seven-thousand-piece bag, walking on the street, the return rate will be particularly high. Me: If you carry a hundred and seventy-dollar bags, the return rate will be higher!

I was teaching my niece to write her homework, in the living room, suddenly the room was shaking and rumbling, I looked back in the direction of the table, the second master Guan who was provided on the table was holding a green dragon crescent knife and kept beating on the table, I thought that his old man was going to appear, so I almost knelt down and prostrated...

Driving a friend's van to the countryside a few years ago, I rubbed a modern car with my overtaking car, and I was frightened without a driver's license. At this time, the modern driver came down to take a look and said: "Brother, it is all a small problem, the alarm is also troublesome, I have an urgent matter to hurry, eat some loss to give you a hundred yuan to calculate." "I'm ready to take the money, it doesn't feel right, such a big wine smell, you drunk driving, no, you have to lose me 500." He rummaged through his pockets, and only two hundred said, "That's all for you, please." I'm going to take the money and leave, the traffic police are coming, you two pull over the car... After all, I just came out of it and went home first.

#搞笑段子 #