This morning I took the bus to work. On the way, the bus suddenly came to a sharp brake. Out of control, I threw myself into the arms of a small fresh meat in front of me. The scene suddenly became awkward,

This morning I took the bus to work. On the way, the bus suddenly came to a sharp brake. Out of control, I threw myself into the arms of a small fresh meat in front of me. The scene suddenly became awkward, I was a little shy, bowed my head and said: "I'm sorry, handsome man, the brakes are not stable for a while." Xiao Xian meat was instantly angry: "What does this have to do with the brakes, get on the car for 3 minutes, you pounce on me 8 times, big sister, what are you going to do?" ”

2. After squatting all night, the action team finally found Li's traces near the city hotel, and under an order, the arresting personnel quickly dispatched and subdued him within a few seconds. Li Mou, who was pressed to the ground, did not panic or despair, but instead let out a burst of laughter. The leader stepped forward and scolded, "What are you laughing at!" Li turned his head with difficulty, "Hahahahaha... Hahaha... You guys... Hahahahaha ah tickled my flesh! ”

3, Dad is driving a bus, like to drive while singing some old songs, a day full of passengers on the road galloping, the mood is good, he sang again, suddenly noisy carriage quiet, all the people with strange eyes look at the father who is intoxicated in their own songs, only to hear him sing loudly: Pig! Sheep! Where to send it! Sent there...

4, the husband is an IT company programmer, recently on a whim want to fitness, let me buy him protein powder, I have not agreed. Not long ago, I saw a Hermès coat that cost 3900 yuan, and I was a little entangled and consulted with him. As a result, he let me buy it without saying a word, thinking about what his protein powder was only a few hundred pieces, so he bought it for him, but he felt that the coat was still expensive for a long time. Yesterday, after receiving the protein powder, he told me: In fact, the coat is not very good-looking, or don't buy it. Now I think it's all a routine!

5, the wife bought a new mobile phone, will not open the back cover. Me: "With my fingernails, in the small slit behind the phone, the two sides are opened with a swipe!" Wife: "But I don't have nails!" Me: "Please, without nails, would you use your brain?" Wife: "Are you stupid?" The brain is so big, how to stuff it in? ”

6, my wife night shift, I took the baby to sleep, sleeping confused suddenly felt that someone touched my feet, opened my eyes suddenly, no one, moving feet, there is nothing around, only to close my eyes at ease, and someone touched my feet, scared to quickly sit up, black room, the atmosphere of terror struck, slowly climbed to the side of the bed... forehead! The child fell to the ground!

7, two old people go to the nursing home, the 70-year-old man went in, the 90-year-old man did not go in. Staff: Sorry, uncle, we do not accept elderly people with children who are alive. Your profile shows that you have a son. "90-year-old: It's my son who just went in!"

8, the neighbor Grandma Wang every evening to go to the vegetable market to pick some dishes that others do not want. Yesterday, when I got home, I said happily to my wife: Today's harvest is really a lot, both cold vegetables, fruits, and pots! His wife asked incomprehensibly: What is it? Look at your fun! Grandma Wang said: There are cucumbers mixed with cold, raw bananas, and eggplant on the pot!

9. A doctor received a call from a colleague at home: "Playing mahjong, three missing one!" The doctor said, "I'll come right away!" The wife asked, "Is the situation serious?" The doctor said solemnly: "Very serious, there are already three doctors there..." At this time, the wife slapped her face and said, what do you have a veterinarian to go to the doctor, what kind of mythical beast needs 4 veterinarians to see together?

10, that year just graduated from college, while working, while buying a lot of review materials, ready to take the civil service girlfriend has not found a suitable job, all day long in the rental house, complaining about loneliness and boredom, insecure, always feel that I want to break up with her, out of the heart of loneliness, she began to learn to read the information, and then she was actually admitted, and I still do my salesman, until the day she got married, but also pulled the groom to say to me: "This is my benefactor!" ”

1 Woman: Confession failed? M: She said she liked uncle. F: Don't get discouraged, you will meet better girls. M: That's natural, when I get old and become an uncle, she will regret it. F: Pull it down, only handsome guys are called uncles when they are old, like you, they can only be called uncles.

12, the girlfriend is really good to me. She bought 65 things online, although it cost more than 40,000 yuan, but my heart is warm: 64 of the 65 things are for me, socks, shorts, and many potato chips and spicy strips that I like to eat. She only bought herself a satchel - a satchel of 39280 yuan, I was so moved!

13, a few girls in the group chatted, all in the mother-in-law, suddenly a sister said: She wants to dare to let her son divorce me, the house is mine, the car is mine, the child is mine, of course, the deposit is also mine, only the son is hers, I have everything and I am afraid that I can't find a man...

14, everyone says that it is difficult to marry a daughter-in-law now, and the woman's family wants a bride price and a house and a car and money, compared to me, I am too lucky. Yesterday I went to her house with my girlfriend, her family was called an enlightened ah, did not ask me a little, directly set my marriage with my girlfriend. My future mother-in-law, she said to me herself, "If you want to marry my daughter...... Let's go to the next life! ”