Fan consultation: Excessive demand in the relationship, how to redeem? I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and every time I encounter something unhappy, I go over and ask him for comfort and help. If before us

Fan consultation: Excessive demand in the relationship, how to redeem?

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and every time I encounter something unhappy, I go over and ask him for comfort and help. If we had a conflict before, when I was angry with the Cold War, I would have reconciled because of the need for him.

He gradually felt that I was too dependent on him, he initially wanted to change me, but because he did not help me, I began to argue and want to break up, after the breakup, I did not think about the feeling, but was angry. After reconciling, I gradually began to rely on it again.

Later, my work was not going well, I wanted him to help me, he chose to let me take it on my own, I felt that he did not love me. I always complained to him about work, he wanted me to go to graduate school, but I complained, and ignored his needs, every time there was pressure, I confided in him, he was more and more dissatisfied with my work, and it also gave me a lot of pressure.

After the breakup, I felt very free, but when I had the pressure of work, I felt my need for him again, I gradually felt my own demand, how can I get back from him?

If you also have feelings of confusion, you can solve it in the home page [private message] I, Leaf for your detailed analysis...

Emotional Mentor Leaf Answer:

 In this relationship, you feel that you need your boyfriend more, and even because you need comfort and help, you take the initiative to seek reconciliation with him in the Cold War. So that this "dependence is too heavy", the boyfriend can not afford it, and finally led to a breakup. But then he found himself asking for too much, and now he wants to adjust and get him back.

You say you ask him for help and comfort when you encounter unhappy things, and even in the Cold War, you will ask him for peace, just for your needs.

In fact, this is not like love, but rather like a compromise for the fragility of one's own heart, which may bring about the result of repeated and repeated situations.

And the teacher can feel the shadow of the child from your description, that is, there is a small child living in your heart. Although the child's noise is to the parents, perhaps you have projected some dissatisfaction with the parents in your heart onto the boyfriend, until the breakup, you are still immersed in anger, and forget that the boyfriend in front of you is not a parent, Oh, he can't afford to make too much trouble with you. But it's not your fault, it may have something to do with some important others in your childhood.

Later, your breakups— reconciliation, which didn't fundamentally solve the problem, would indeed be repeated. In fact, behind the "dependence" is some ideas that you feel that you are not good and incompetent, and the boyfriend can only let you temporarily lean on it, and does not have the ability to help you deal with the problem.

Therefore, if you are not satisfied in your heart, then you will look for him over and over again, and after a long time, he will not be able to stand up. There's nothing wrong with choosing to let you take it upon yourself, he wants you to grow up slowly, and he also has his own job and things, so it's hard to fully meet your needs. Your reflection is also very good, just ignoring that he also has needs.

If the purpose of a relationship is only our own needs, then it is really not about love, only about need. So the question is, how long can others afford such demands? Because after all, the other party is just an ordinary person.

I can understand that your heart is caught in some uncontrollable cycle, and it may be necessary to deal with these inner things of yourself first, and then face a relationship that is better. Equal love at least doesn't have to humbly seek the dependence of others, doesn't it?

【Join # Is Yezi Teacher Ah # Detailed Explanation of Love Marriage Confusion】

#Is Yezi Teacher Ah # Emotion Office ##知识薪主播 #