1, the company's female boss is too beautiful, 36 is not an object, I am really anxious for her, in order not to bypass her to become a leftover woman, I opened up, pushed open the office door, And then introduced myself:"

1, the company's female boss is too beautiful, 36 is not an object, I am really anxious for her, in order not to bypass her to become a leftover woman, I opened up, pushed open the office door, Mao Sui introduced himself: "Boss, I want to marry you!" The landlady froze for a moment and suddenly smiled: "I admire your courage, but want to marry me, do you have a house and a car and money?" I sneered, "If I have a car and a house and money, why should I find someone who is 10 years older than me?" The landlady pondered for a moment and said, "You're right! "And just like that, we managed to hold hands in the office. After marriage, she wouldn't let me live in her big house or live with me, she said, "When you have a house, we'll live together!" "How do I feel like I've been tricked and just a pseudonym?"

2, one day on the road traffic jam, driving Mercedes-Benz and a BMW chat: this gasoline is still too cheap, to rise to more than 70 a liter to be good, driving a broken car can not afford to add fuel, the road is smooth. At this time, a Rolls-Royce spoke behind: Dude, you are right, if it rises to more than 700 liters, it will be good, so that BMW Mercedes-Benz is not annoying! If it rises to more than 70,000 liters, then my car will be smoother on the road! Bike passing by said. "

3, I usually smoke a cigarette before going to bed and then sleep, my mother often says me for this. One year I smoked in the window for the New Year and lit the quilt again, and I was happy to text my girlfriend saying: This year I am definitely on fire, I burned the quilt. The girlfriend replied with concern: "Then your mother didn't say anything about you, right?" I texted her back: "No, as soon as my mother entered the house, she asked me very concerned, why didn't she burn you to death!" ”

4, work at the construction site, paid a salary, spent a little half a month of wages more than 4,000 to buy a mobile phone for the wife, the wife happily sent a circle of friends: see my husband outside against the sun to work, but also bought me such a good mobile phone, nothing to say, this life thanks for meeting you! My comment: This is nothing, as long as you are at home and don't let me bring a "hat" to work! The wife replied in a puzzled way: Don't you want to wear a hat to work, don't you fine the construction site? I......

5. Mother-in-law: You two are almost married for a month, how do you feel about my daughter? Son-in-law: Since the two of them got married, my feeling is that I am happy to be pu ben! Mother-in-law: Yo, let's listen! Son-in-law: After getting married, I found myself empty and happy, and immediately felt that a catastrophe was coming, enjoying the overwhelming scolding every day, and often helplessly running with tears of hatred... Mother-in-law: What do you want to do? Son-in-law: Not high on demand, I want to return... Play back, play, don't joke about life!?

6. An abbot received a text message: "Your son was in a car accident and is currently being rescued, please send money to this account!" The abbot took a look at it, so he took out his bank card and only remitted 0.01 yuan each time. According to the bank's regulations, a handling fee of two yuan is deducted from the beneficiary's account each time. When the abbot sent out about 5 yuan in a huff, he received a message from the payee: "Dude, don't send money anymore, you have deducted more than 1,000 yuan, let me have a horse, otherwise how can I live?" ”?

7. The girlfriend is Bai Fumei, the family is in the same house for five generations, and there are many relatives. When I went to her house to propose to her relatives, my relatives came to join in the fun, and when I saw a room full of people, I was very nervous. My girlfriend introduced me one by one, and my uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters called me over and over again, and I was dazzled. At this time, a woman in her thirties came out of the kitchen with a plate inch, and the future husband introduced: "This is your aunt." I listened to the nun at that time, and hurriedly folded my hands and greeted, "The master is too good!" "At that time, this aunt's face was black... It's all a hairstyle!?

8. After the eldest brother and sister-in-law divorced, they used 30,000 to marry a 30-year-old fat daughter-in-law. After the two people got married, the eldest brother followed the fat daughter-in-law and became a foodie. For the sake of health, so the eldest brother made an agreement that whoever ate after 9 p.m. would give the other party 100 yuan. Since then, the eldest brother and his daughter-in-law can get 100 yuan a day, not only eat, but also have money to earn, and live a particularly happy life!!

9, I taught my aunt to drive, in front of a reservoir, but my mother did not have the meaning of turning, I shouted: brake! Brake with your feet. Big Mom grasped the steering wheel with one hand, opened the car door with the other hand, and put one foot on the ground, and the sole of the shoe rubbed the ground fiercely! After towing for more than 20 meters, the car finally stopped! I was scared silly, and took 50 yuan to let me go to buy a package for my aunt! When My Aunt handed me 10 boxes of toothpaste, I didn't say a word, refunded her full tuition, and said: There is a driving school opposite. Big Mom said: I was introduced by the other family!

10. The old clam held a ceremony of "throwing hydrangea balls to attract relatives" for his beloved daughter, and all kinds of insects actively participated in the natural song of the female clams. After a fierce scramble, the hydrangea was snatched by the centipede. The old centipede invited the centipede to speak on the stage, and the excited words of the centipede came from the microphone: "The reason why I was able to grab the hydrangea today is thanks to my hands more than others!" ”

11, buddy broke up with his girlfriend, I asked him: "What's going on, haven't you always been fine?" He smoked a cigarette and said with a lot of vicissitudes: "Don't mention it, their manager organized a seven-day trip to Sanya, and when he came back, it was black!" I thought about it and said, "No, I saw her outside yesterday, it's not dark!" The buddy threw away the cigarette butt and said, "You know a fart~" I'm really confused!

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #