1. My mother-in-law quietly pulled me to the bedroom and asked, "I have a Maybach that has been driving for a week, do you want it?" Me: "How can I afford to buy Maybach?" Mother-in-law: "You make a price,

1. My mother-in-law quietly pulled me to the bedroom and asked, "I have a Maybach that has been driving for a week, do you want it?" Me: "How can I afford to buy Maybach?" Mother-in-law: "You make a price, I am tired of driving this car, and I will sell you at the right price." I tentatively asked, "80,000?" The mother-in-law exclaimed, "So little? I bought it for more than $5 million. I was distressed: "But my salary is not much, now this little money!" Mother-in-law: "Then now make up 920,000 dowry for you, and this car is sold to you for 1 million." "Dad called to say that the family was demolished, and I immediately resigned to beat Didi and went home to get money. The car came, I didn't expect it to be a Honda Civic, driving or beautiful. I asked the beauty: "Driving a luxury car and working part-time, you are not bad for these few dollars, why?" Beauty smiled contemptuously at me, "I just like to see you poor ghosts stunned, envious and puzzled." "At that time, I couldn't help but scold her and cry, and after getting out of the car, I resolutely gave her a five-star praise!

2. One night I was drunk and took a taxi back to the public security department, the fare was 18 yuan, 50 yuan for the driver, the driver saw that I was drunk, he looked for me for 2 yuan, I was drunk and looked at the driver, the driver asked me: How much did you give me? I said 100 yuan, and the driver immediately said: Obviously it is 50 yuan. I looked at him again, and he looked for 30 bucks. I was still drunk and misty looking at him, an hour later the driver cried, I thought I have time anyway, just in time to wake up in the car, the province's home wife did not open the door and was scolded!

3. Go to the hospital to see a doctor, sit on a bench and wait for the call, sit next to an old man, and look at me from time to time.

Suddenly, Uncle Covered his head and fell to the ground, looking very uncomfortable.

I quickly picked up the uncle and pinched the others. The doctor rushed over and looked at it and said, "Uncle's blood pressure has suddenly risen, so get ready for the operation cart." ”

Then he turned to me and said, "The collar of the clothes you are wearing is too low, so don't make it up in front of you... Otherwise you'll have to shout 120 again! ”

4. Our factory is recruiting employees at the director and above levels, a post-90s who just graduated from a university submitted a resume, and did not expect to receive an interview invitation soon. Interviewer: Which one do you choose with a score of 600 points in the college entrance examination and a bank card of 6 million yuan? The post-90s generation didn't even think about TUO mouth out: I chose 6 million bank cards! Interviewer: Why? Post-90s: Because I have graduated from college, and I have scored 710 on the college entrance examination. The interviewer smiled and said: Congratulations, you have been admitted!

5. Today I went back to my hometown and drank two cups with my father and ate a small meal. After a few drinks, Dad said to me: Son, remember today, today is a special day, it may be the happiest day of your life. Me: Thank you Dad, but you remember the wrong day, my wedding is tomorrow. Dad: I know, son, I know...

6. Go out shopping, at noon on a stool outside the door of a milk tea shop, sitting on it to drink milk tea, next to a big master. Uncle is very addicted to smoking, the cigarettes are smoked one after another, I feel curious, so I put it aside and stared at it for a while. Suddenly, Uncle Grandpa took out a cigarette, handed it to me, smiled, and said: "Girl, I see that you have been staring at it for so long, do you want to come to one?" Without waiting for me to react, A big aunt suddenly came out of the store, and the big aunt raised her hand and gave me a slap, and said angrily: Good you little goblin, even uncle you don't let go... 

7. Unfortunately, I was seriously ill and bedridden, and many friends came to visit me.

But they asked this and that, completely forgetting that I was a patient.

Before leaving, my friends asked me, "Do you have anything else you want us to do?" Do you have any other wishes? I said, "Thank you for your kindness, I have only one wish, that is, please talk less when you visit patients in the future!" ”

8. Recently, the wife stays at home and does not exercise, and every meal is indispensable to eat meat, and I am worried that I will gain weight. On this day, she said to me worriedly, "Husband, what should I do?" If I eat like this, do you think I will become like a pig? The husband smiled and comforted her: "How can it be, no matter what, you only have two legs!" ”

9. My father-in-law has a cancer certificate, the treatment needs 800,000, my husband and I have no money, we can only borrow money everywhere. As a result, relatives and friends used various reasons to prevaricate us and did not borrow. After returning home, my husband said to me: "My wife is sorry, I blame me for not being capable, I didn't make money to make us go to ask for help." I said, "You can't blame it all!" At that moment, my husband's heart was full of emotions, and I continued: "I also blame me for marrying you when I was blind!" ”

10. Three years ago I was still in college, and a girl in my class said: If you invite me to eat hot dry noodles from our restaurant, I will be your girlfriend. I think she wanted to scam me for 2 bucks and 5, and she never agreed. I didn't have a girlfriend lately, so I was so my part that I took out two pieces of five and bought a hot dry noodle. She finished eating and left, and I was completely disheveled in the wind. My two pieces of five!

11. After school, my son came back in a huff. He said to me, "Mom, the teacher is unreasonable." I asked, "What's wrong?" He said: "There is a question that asks 910 students to cross the river only one boat, a trip can only take 3 people, how many times can it be carried?" I said 304 trips, and the teacher said 303 trips. I thought the teacher was right and said, "Isn't that right?" The child asked me, "Mom, don't the boats come by?" ”

12. When going to work in the morning rush hour, there are many people on the bus. Suddenly, a girl scolded a man: "You dare to eat old lady tofu, stinky hooligan!" The man did not show weakness, pulled a girl next to him and said, "Do you think your looks, your figure or any part of your body can compare to my girlfriend?" Eat your tofu, I'm sick, right? Sure enough, the girl was speechless for a moment, but she was not willing, and suddenly said, "Who knows if you have suddenly become heavy today!" ”