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"Marrying is for peace of mind, to find a companion to accompany." Huang Xiaoming and Yang Ying's seven-year marriage has finally come to an end, but perhaps their marriage has long come to an end, but the star marriage is different from the ordinary marriage of the people, involving too many economic problems, so that even if the marriage has problems, they cannot deal with the feelings of both parties in a shorter time like ordinary people.
But in fact, the worst outcome of marriage is actually not divorce, but to become a mask couple, ostensibly husband and wife, but centrifugal, no love, no expectations, not even living together, leaving only a marriage certificate.
And the most difficult relationship in the world is actually a husband and wife, when the two sides are separated, the two are like strangers living under the same roof.
This phenomenon is actually very obvious in the body of Huang Xiaoming and his wife, 200 million luxury marriages, a 20-year-old difference in love, 7 years of love run, and finally become a break. The world is bustling, all for the benefit of the coming, the world is bustling, all for the benefit of the future.
It is very obvious in the nature of the celebrity couple, Huang Xiaoming pursues Yang Ying's beauty, and Yang Ying needs Huang Xiaoming's money and resources.
For Huang Xiaoming, Yang Ying's appearance, obedience, and respect for his parents can satisfy Huang Xiaoming's vanity as a domineering president, meet all his needs for women, and give him enough face, these conditions are indispensable for Huang Xiaoming.
In contrast, Huang Xiaoming's past girlfriends, Qin Lan, and Li Fei'er are all of this type, and this condescending and domineering president type is the pursuit of Huang Xiaoming's personality.
Jump out of the star's business marriage, for ordinary people, marriage is not a person's life nor a person's stage, any happy marital state is inseparable from the efforts of both parties, the essence of the husband and wife relationship is nothing more than a "value exchange", is the spiritual value and material value that the two can provide.
From the perspective of "bondage companionship" in psychology, in a marriage, if a couple wants to be stable for a long time, they are bound to sacrifice their feelings.
Marx once said: "Sometimes a marriage with only love is not a real marriage, because the most indispensable thing in a real marriage is cooperation." ”
This state of marriage is actually very obvious in the marriage of Chinese, and the two parties from the initial parental order, the word of the matchmaker, to the later cooperative life, this is the traditional Chinese marriage.
In such a life, each other gradually know each other, and love gradually becomes marriage, in fact, for most marriages, the shelf life of love is 3 months to 18 months, when each other know each other better, passion will gradually disappear, replaced by mutual help, through the difficulties of life.
Physiological marriage hormones, so that the brain does not secrete dopamine for no reason, and this marital state gradually loses its own happiness and excitement.
From the freshness of the first year, the familiarity of the second year, and the final separation, the marriage crisis of the "seven-year itch" was dealt with.
Most lovers in the seventh year, usually face a relatively large marital crisis, only to find the problem, in order to truly cross, to reach a higher level, and the existence of this qualitative change, will make the marriage no longer exist.
The "seven-year itch" is the unsustainability of passion, the existence of aesthetic fatigue, from a psychological point of view, "passion" is originally a very short thing, but marriage is a lifetime.
If you want to get married to the best of your ability, you can only guarantee three dimensions: passion, commitment, and intimacy.
Most parts of the marriage to the middle age, these three levels have gradually dissipated not strong enough, is bound to encounter the "seven-year itch" problem. Therefore, it is very necessary to maintain love and emotion.
When we encounter a period of emotional burnout, it is impossible to retreat and inescapable, the attitude of this period will affect the direction of the final relationship, the "South wind effect" in psychology tells us that if our method is wrong at the beginning, even if we try harder, we will not get better results, or even the opposite effect.
Although the "seven-year itch" is only synonymous with feelings, but not a fixed value, now people's pace of life is fast, the horizon is relaxed, and the cognition of marriage will be more sensitive, so this kind of burnout period is actually more frequent.
This can also explain why today's young people are more self-releasing in the face of feelings, unwilling to tolerate, and unwilling to wronged themselves, when we have the idea of marriage separation, this bud will gradually grow from the heart, seriously affecting our subsequent emotional choices.
It can be seen that huang xiaoming and Yang Ying's marriage in addition to their own mode of getting along, but also can not escape the law of feelings, this unchangeable fact and the improvement of personal ability, so that they have more choices.
Therefore, I am unwilling to hide myself in the "seven-year itch", which is why not only stars, but also more ordinary people cannot avoid the "seven-year itch".
- The End -
Author | Tommy
Edit | Rain
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Vogel, D. L., & Wester, S. R. (2003). To seek help or not to seek help: The risks of self-disclosure. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 50(3), 351.
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