At the end of this year, my youngest cousin got married, and my uncle and aunt were particularly happy, because the lifelong events of the three children in the family were all settled, and the tasks of their generation were completed.
Cousin's hometown in the southern town, the daughter-in-law is a northeast girl, the two work in the provincial city, at the end of the year in the hometown held a wedding ceremony directly in the hometown to stay in the hometown for the New Year, due to the epidemic situation, do not plan to return to the northeast mother's home.
Although the bride has few days with her in-laws, she can also be kind to each other after marriage.
The relatives in the hometown communicate in dialects, the uncle thinks that the daughter-in-law does not understand the dialect, so every time as long as there is a daughter-in-law in the occasion, no matter who chats with him, he tries to speak in Mandarin, although his Mandarin is very difficult to speak, he still tries to speak, try not to let the daughter-in-law feel that he is excluded; the aunt is worried that the daughter-in-law is not used to eating, I heard that the northeast people like pasta, and deliberately follow the vibrato to learn to make steamed buns, buns and noodles.
The second day of the New Year is the day when the daughter returns to her mother's house, the uncle and aunt thought that the two daughters would return with their grandchildren, plus the son and daughter-in-law, and on the second day of the New Year, the big family could get together and sit around to eat and chat, which was the happiest thing.
But on the first day of the new year, I heard a noise upstairs, and when my uncle and aunt went upstairs to see it, my daughter-in-law was arguing with her son with tears in her eyes, and she said, "Then you go and ask your parents if they have taken me as their own." ”
The aunt did not know the situation, and quickly asked: "What's wrong?" ”
The son said: "Xiaoting said that your Chinese New Year's Eve meal last night was too casual and did not pay attention to her existence at all." ”
My aunt was confused and thought back to last night's Chinese New Year's Eve rice: white rice, fried greens, a steamed fish, a plate of marinated meat, a plate of ball soup. I thought that a family of four could eat dinner like this, and at midnight, they also cooked dessert soup and told them to come down and eat it.
The uncle said: "Say what you need, don't hold it in your heart, there are any customs we didn't expect, you say it, as long as you can do it." ”
The daughter-in-law collapsed, crying and shouting bitterly: "You don't take me as your own family, do you blame me?" ”
Later, the aunt asked the son about the ins and outs, and it turned out that the daughter-in-law complained to the son that the mother's Chinese New Year's Eve meal was too casual, not solemn at all, and since she entered the door, three meals a day were either porridge or rice, and they had to be tired.
The son comforted his daughter-in-law and said, "Tomorrow when my sister and I come back, my parents will prepare a lot of dishes." This sentence infuriated the daughter-in-law, and she said: "So your parents still regard me as an outsider, and good food and good dishes must be kept waiting for the daughter to come back and cook again." "There was a big fuss about it.
Uncle is particularly depressed, I thought this new year is the happiest year, did not expect that the bride has not passed the door for a few days, the first day of the New Year quarreled, listening to this news of the two daughters in order to avoid chaos, the second day of the New Year also canceled the trip back to the mother's home.
When this matter is said, some people say that the bride is quite aggrieved, and some people say that the bride is too pretentious. In my opinion, Chinese New Year's Eve meals are some small things, the main reason is the bride's homesickness and can not tell the pain, and the gap in the heart after the marriage.
The Spring Festival of the first year of a newlywed woman is the most difficult, and it is even more difficult to marry far away
For married women, the Spring Festival of the first year is the most difficult, how festive and lively the atmosphere around the New Year is, and how sour and awkward their hearts are.
Because this is the first time in the in-laws' home, surrounded by unfamiliar relatives, the in-laws say laughing, lively, they also have to chat with laughter on the surface, maintain the image of the new daughter-in-law, in fact, sad and lonely in their hearts. Miss your parents, miss your home where you grew up for more than twenty years, from now on, every New Year's Day can not be around your parents to be yourself, you can't sleep until what time you sleep until what time, you can't want to nestle on the sofa, you can't enjoy your parents sitting around and looking at yourself lovingly...
The transformation of the role, the gap in the heart, coupled with the strengthening of the Spring Festival reunion atmosphere, but also the inner sensitivity, thoughts, grievances to hook out, while the men around him are only concerned about socializing and drinking all day, the spring breeze triumphantly continues the excitement and joy of his groom official, and the woman's heart is even more aggrieved.
As a person who has come here, I am particularly able to understand these feelings.
The first year of marriage in the Spring Festival I will be awkward with my husband, the night of the first day of the New Year in order to get married in the first year of the New Year should be to the mother's relatives to bring what gifts and argue, I mean the first year of the new marriage ceremony can not be too casual, but the husband means that the marriage uses a lot of money, can save the province. In addition, on the night of the first day of the first year, my mother-in-law told me that she should not go back to her mother's house in the second year of the first year, because her daughter would come over in the second year of the first year. I was uneven in my heart, and I wouldn't let me go back to my mother's house on the second day of the first year of my new marriage, so why should her daughter go back to her mother's house, I couldn't go back to my mother's house...
All kinds of emotions accumulated together, the first night I lay in bed and wept until dawn, only to feel aggrieved and sad, the first year of marriage in the Spring Festival I had the idea of divorce with my husband.
Therefore, I can especially understand the feelings of my cousin and daughter-in-law, especially since she is married far away, from the north to the southern city, and the living habits, customs, and dialect behaviors around her are all different. There are some details that she feels should be valued, but the in-laws' family has not done it, for example, she thinks that the Chinese New Year's Eve meal should be sumptuous to show the importance she attaches to her, and the mother-in-law does not realize this, and there is a misunderstanding between them.
A small spark in the run-in process of a new member of the family
How can there be no bumps and frictions under the same roof? Even for dearest and dearest people, there will be friction between father and son, mother and daughter, husband and wife, not to mention the addition of new members of the family, between the mother-in-law and the mother-in-law.
Marrying a person, it is inevitable that there will be no escape from getting along with the family members behind him, and when they do not know each other's personalities and likes and dislikes, they need to run into the process, and since there will be sparks if they want to run in. So in a sense, similar little quarrels may be a good thing.
If you care about this detail and ritual, then I will pay attention next time; you like to eat this thing, maybe I will remember it; there will be a warning when you have a bad temper, then I will avoid it next time...
It is better to argue out and say it than to hide it in your heart and hold it in your heart. First of all, vent out, and the emotions will also be released. Secondly, vent out, the next time others know what you care about and like, you can also do what you like.
If it is always hidden in the heart, you do not say that he does not know, so it has formed a situation of "the more you care about him, the more you ignore", over time, the misunderstanding becomes a grudge, and the more the grudge, the more it is difficult to resolve.
After the quarrel, the cousin also explained to his daughter-in-law, which calmed her emotions well. The next day, the aunt prepared a lot of northeastern dishes according to the vibrato, went upstairs and asked the daughter-in-law to come down to eat, and the daughter-in-law also politely greeted the in-laws and mother-in-law to eat together.
On the third day of the New Year, the cousins returned to their mother's house, the cousin and daughter-in-law wrapped red envelopes for the children, and also sent New Year gifts to the in-laws, the family sat around together, and ate the reunion dinner happily, no one mentioned the matter of that night, they all turned the page, passed.
Whether the family is harmonious or not, the husband is also the key
In the process of the bride's integration into the in-laws' family, the husband's approach is also very critical, the cousin's sentence "Tomorrow when my sister returns at the beginning of the second day, my parents will prepare a lot of dishes." "It's a typical example of negative education.
His daughter-in-law herself felt that she was very wronged by not being valued by her in-laws, and he said this sentence again, making her wife feel even more unappreciated: Her daughter-in-law, who is passing through the door, is not qualified to eat a rich meal than her daughter who marries?
If the husband of the big pig's trotter can't speak, then shut up first, otherwise the sentence hits the muzzle of the gun. If you don't think about how to say it, first hug your wife, remember: most of the unreasonable teasing of women, in the final analysis, feel that they are not loved enough.
Don't try to reason with the wife in the temper, you must first allow her emotions to vent, first appease the grievances behind her emotions, they do not want big truths and right and wrong, what they want is actually an embrace, a kind of care.
As Cecil Ki Osborne wrote in The Art of Dealing with Conjugal Relations: "Wives also have needs. She needs love, care and protection. When she feels that her husband is caring for her, bringing her security and happiness, she feels safe. ”
A woman for love, into the man's family, to get along with their own unrelated people, and even live together, in the face of marital life of chai rice oil and salt, household conflicts, chicken flying dog jump, for him to have children, for him to name a surname, what is she pictured? The picture is nothing more than the original sincerity, sea oath mountain alliance, betting that the man in front of him will love himself for a lifetime.
Therefore, in the family, men must be more tolerant and caring for their wives, and be grateful to this woman who is willing to walk hand in hand with you for a lifetime.
The British philosopher Bacon said: "The wife is the lover of youth, the companion of middle age, and the guardian of twilight." ”
It is not your parents, not your children, but the woman around you who has called "old woman" from "wife", this woman who has married you far away, or has children for you, or supports your parents, or cooks and washes for you, or supports your career.
So, whether it's pretense or grievance, it's just a need for men to care a little more, you say?