1, the living room, the little nephew is playing with my girlfriend, the little nephew "do you know why I am called Dragon Er?" Because when my mother said she was pregnant with me, she dreamed of a dragon flying in the sky" "Oh" daughter

1, the living room, the little nephew is playing with my girlfriend, the little nephew "do you know why I am called Dragon Er?" Because when my mother said she was pregnant with me, she dreamed of a dragon flying in the sky" "Oh" My daughter seemed to understand and nodded. Then, as if remembering something, he walked up to me and asked, "Mom, when you were pregnant with me, did you dream of a pig flying in the sky?" Your name is Zhu Zhu, not a pig! Not that!

2, my eldest brother got married, I designed a game. 3 rooms were prepared, let the eldest brother guess which room the bride was in, whether the guess was correct or not, he had to kiss it. Today, the two bridesmaids of the sister-in-law are very beautiful, and the eldest brother said excitedly: "This is also too exciting, right?" I said, "There's something even more exciting, except for the bride, who is male in both rooms." ”

3, I am 30 this year, but I still have no partner, so my father took out a loan to buy me a Maybach and let me go on a blind date. Yesterday I drove to the bar and the beautiful woman on a blind date, and the beautiful woman was very cheerful: I like to tell the truth, I am a woman who likes to hook up. I said: It's okay, I also like to be honest, I'm a man who doesn't do things. Beauty smiled and said: Actually, I love knitting sweaters and like crochet very much, so hook up! I laughed: Actually, I like ballroom dancing, so I take three steps and four steps!

4, my brother went to Dubai on a business trip for half a year to come back, so he entrusted me to take care of my sister-in-law who was pregnant with a dragon and phoenix fetus. Early this morning, I went to the market to buy fish for her to supplement her body. While she was choosing, suddenly an obese woman came to the meat stall, and she opened her mouth to buy four pounds of pork for seven hundred and twenty-five dollars. "You are also too desperate," the boss said helplessly, "just buy five pounds!" The fat woman was busy explaining: "You don't know, I'm losing weight, I've lost four pounds of seven two or five dollars, I want to see how big a piece of meat this is." ”

5, I parked the car on the side of the road, ready to get out of the car to wait for my son to finish school, a car parked next to my car, the window rolled down, showing a lewd smile, the man said: Beauty! I said: Why? He held out his fat hand, frightening me to hide straight back... Then he gently opened my mirror, and his car drove away, dropping a sentence: No thanks, my name is Lei Feng. I'm speechless, big brother, I parked the car.

6, the weather is very hot, at home on weekends. The son said: Dad, the weather is too hot, I want to turn on the air conditioning! Dad: The son should be obedient, what is the hot spot afraid of, from an early age to learn to endure hardships! Turn on the air conditioner is a waste of money, dad when he was small even the electric fan is not, are with the fan fan, at that time your grandmother is afraid of my heat, let me drink cold water to cool down, you hot also drink some cold water! Son: I understand the big truth, but why is the air conditioner in your room turned on?

7, a friend, last month borrowed me three hundred yuan. In the evening, he said that he was paid a salary, and invited guests to dinner to pay me back. Of course I'm happy, this dude is polite, not bad. After eating together, he rushed to check out, and when they were about to part, I couldn't help asking: That, didn't you mean to pay back the money? He looked at me with a surprised look on his face and said: Didn't you pay for the meal just now? I also have 5 more pieces!

8, a friend opened a bun shop, the address is selected next door to the train ticket sales point, every day the business is very good, from morning to night are lined up in a long line, once two men lined up for ten minutes, when it was their turn to find that this is a bun shop instead of selling train tickets.

9, last night driving the female boss's Maserati ran Didi, halfway met a drunken beauty to stop the car, I wondered if the female boss's car should no one dare to check, I had the courage to pull it. 15 minutes away, I estimated that I would have 62 yuan, she drunkenly gave me 50 yuan, said: "Brother, 2 yuan don't want, you look for me 40." "I was stunned, what kind of education does this girl have, and the addition and subtraction method within 100 is not clear?"

10. When the teacher is in class, he asks the students: "Do students know that today is Teacher's Day?" Students: "Know ~~" The teacher asked: "Very good, so who knows the origin of Teacher's Day?" The classmate volunteered to raise his hand and replied, "I know!" The teacher nodded at him and answered. He said: "My mother often takes me to Tzu Chi's Jing Si Tang, and when I go in, my mother will look at me and say, 'Call Master Sister~'" Haha!

11, sometimes I hate myself who is not willing to be mediocre but does not work hard, and I envy others who shine, but in fact, most people are ordinary, but you don't see the efforts of others. Instead of choosing ease at the age when it's best to fight, we try to grow up, stumble all the way, and then scale all over the body. Success or failure lies in persistence, and one day, you will stand in the brightest place and live as you once longed.

12, the cousin said, that year he drove a motorcycle, pulled a guest, the road is not far, but it is not very good to walk... Halfway down the road, suddenly a taxi has been away from him, so easy to stop him, the co-pilot window angrily poked his head out, shouting to his cousin: Hey! Dude, turn me upside down!

13, the new leader is a bit convulsive, even if he is five minutes late, he can't escape, he has to bow deeply to him in front of the whole office, and sincerely say: "Sorry, I'm late." One day, the angry people agreed to be five minutes late together, and then dressed in black and solemn, bowed to the waiting leader at the door of the company, and then said: "Leader, I'm sorry, we're late."

14, New Year's Day, I went to buy a ticket to go home, the result of the queue, there is a person in front of the has not gone, shouting to refund the ticket. The salesman asked: This ticket is very good, why should it be refunded? He said indignantly: I still want to find a girlfriend this year, you look at the ticket, January 1st 11th car 111th, can I still ask for this ticket?