To the children: It's new year, let's go home

Author/Pippi Dad

Editor-in-chief of Rice and Xiaomi Gong

On the morning of the 28th of the month, my mother sent me a few voices on WeChat, accusing me of raising a child. Finally, here comes the sentence, "Don't come back this year." ”

I replied to her, "I didn't want to go back." ”

More than three months ago, I hired two tutors, took my two sons, lived in a rented three-bedroom apartment near the elementary school, and cared for them for 24 hours.

I lived alone in a new house I had bought ten kilometres away. In the beginning, I would bring food and gifts every week and visit my children frequently. Soon, the tutor was reluctant.

Among them, the main class is familiar with Hua Defu theory, tenacious and persistent, she can be seven days a week, every morning at six o'clock, get up from the unheated house in Zhengzhou, and urge the children to get up and wash and read early.

She said you don't come back, you come back once, the children's emotions will fluctuate for a long time, and the sense of rules that we have so hard to help them establish will be broken.

According to her description, the eldest with mild autism (who is about to turn ten years old) is nervous every time he sees his parents. After the formation of a new order of life, his feelings for his parents will be temporarily alienated, and when we go again, we are intruders, that is, shocks. He would be anxious for days.

Even the second eldest, who has no problems, is only seven years old, and has been resisting the parenting of the tutoring team. When I was communicating with the tutor team, he observed from the sidelines and seemed to be able to see that I was Party A and the teachers were Party B. After I left, he asked the teacher to make him more meat dishes to eat, because "this is Daddy's house", and the tutor did not follow, so he did not eat twice.

As soon as I heard that the problem was so serious, I didn't see them again for more than a month. It wasn't until the evening of the 27th of the month that the two tutors, their children, and my two sons, held a "Spring Festival Gala for the Old Sun Family" that I returned to the house.

The boss is reciting "Father and Bird"

The mood and behavior of the two children at this time have been greatly improved. All I bring to them is warmth and encouragement.

The boss recited a text "Father and The Bird" at the party, and the protagonist's father was familiar with the habits of the birds, especially the birds in the early morning, whose wings would be wet with dew and could not fly high, but the father pitied them and never hurt them.

The last sentence of the text is, "I'm so glad Dad wasn't a hunter." ”

After the son finished reciting this sentence, he shouted, "Daddy, I love you!" "Then, give me the rose in my hand and the scarf around my neck." At the moment of the group photo, my tears almost burst out of my eyes.

The main class teacher told me that for more than a month, the boss had been memorizing this text and had been knitting the scarf. With his cognitive, emotional, and refined abilities, it wasn't easy to do well, but he was interested in sticking with it.

At this moment, I knew that all my efforts were not empty. As a single father, a wage earner, spending about twenty-five thousand yuan a month, it is not easy for me to maintain such a team.

But compared with the progress of the children, no amount of money is insignificant.

After a bad marriage and worse parenting, I also stopped believing in clichés like biological parents being better suited to having children. A sentence that hangs on my lips is, "No matter how children are raised and who they let raise, as long as they can grow up well, they know me or not, I don't care." ”

In my consciousness, children do not belong to their parents or to the family, they are the children of the earth, only temporarily in our care. Compared with their strong bodies, sound personalities, and healthy thinking, the broken thoughts of adults that go around their knees are simply insignificant.

Many people have asked me, your second eldest is so much smarter than the eldest, will you prefer the second eldest?

My answer is that, if I have to say something I prefer, I seem to value the boss more, because he needs help more.

I've never had an obsession with passing on the generations, and it seems like my genes aren't too good. Having two children, both came from a series of misunderstandings, and although I was the main one who was the only one who was the one who ended up in the end, I was willing to carry this burden.

Whether the child has autism or not, it is useless to encounter family collapse disability, complaining and resentment. The only useful thing is that the more capable family members stand up and pull the children forward.

"I'm so glad Dad is not a hunter." Even if we are captured by others and lives as prey, we cannot be life-threatening hunters.

At the evening party on the 27th of the 27th of The Year, we posted a lot of videos and photos in the group called "Gong Gong Five", in addition to the tutor teacher, there was me, the child's grandmother, and the child's grandmother, who was only pulled in that morning, that is, my mother.

If my mother carefully studied the records from the scene, she would definitely see the laughter on the child's face, the calm and warmth in the boss's eyes, and the tears swirling in my eyes.

Unfortunately, she probably didn't see it. She noticed more that so many people ate and drank on the scene, must have spent a lot of money, and after more than three months, she was still wondering if the tutor would really be good for the child.

She has even been worried about finding a daughter-in-law for me in the countryside of her hometown, "obedient, hard-working and old-fashioned", so that I can have the rest of the cost of asking for a tutor. To that end, she promised me that she would give me half a million whenever I married a lady she recommended.

Such an old mother, a grandmother, could not accept my parenting method, but it was also expected.

But how I longed for her to have the patience to see the smiles and tears on our grandfather's faces.

On the twenty-eighth day of the month, after hearing her WeChat voice, I made a decision against my ancestors: kick her out of that group.

A few years ago, our grandfather lost the home in Zhengzhou. Now, visually, we have lost the old home in Nanyang, Henan.

After coming to Rice and Xiaomi to take charge of new media, I came into contact with countless autistic families, some of which were good and some of which were not very good. The difference between the two, economic factors are not the main reason, whether the family function is complete, whether there is still warmth in the home, whether there is a guardian who is good at learning and has the courage to take responsibility, determines the fate of the children.

Although the pain of autistic parents comes from some of the children's illness, the laziness, selfishness, doubt and betrayal of other family members can push some parents into the abyss. They are pulling children, some are difficult to return to, some cannot return, and their homes are not their homes...

I write my own story and want to tell these parents that we are not alone. Our persistence, there will always be a day when spring blossoms.

As long as the child's childish face can have a little more laughter and a sunshine. Where we are, it is our home. Wherever we go, there is our home.

Bless all children. It's New Year's, let's go home together.