1． Me: "Is it illegal to give money to women?" Police: "Not illegal. Me: "Is it illegal to date a woman?" Policeman: "Not illegal! Me: "Is it illegal not to know a woman's name?" alarm

1． Me: "Is it illegal to give money to women?" Police: "Not illegal. Me: "Is it illegal to date a woman?" Policeman: "Not illegal! Me: "Is it illegal not to know a woman's name?" Police: "Not illegal. I growled, "Then I did these things together, why did you arrest me?"

2． My dad gave me 6 million, bought 2 stores, and collected 80,000 yuan in rent in one month. I bought another Magotan, and I spent 6 million. Later, I found a company to work, more than 3,000 a month, 5 insurance and 1 gold. Now play soy sauce every day, go out on vacation, friends around me say I have no ambition, nibble Daddy! I live in a tangle every day, and tangled up in such a day is not suitable for me! alas!!! It's time to collect rent again.

3. The cousin is a spiritual boy who has learned to smoke from others, and has been for more than ten years now.

Last month, he worked as a driver for a landlady at a company. On this day, the cousin's smoking addict smoked in the stairwell and was seen by the landlady,

She said: "Smoke is good, be careful of lung cancer." The cousin played the soot and said, "I am waiting for someone who told me to quit smoking, would you like to be that person?" ”

4. The landlady blushed and said, "Nasty." "The next day he was fired by the boss because the boss was allergic to the smell of smoke!

I remember when I was young, when I came home from school, I suddenly saw a small golden retriever on the side of the street, and it was frozen and shivering in the winter, so I decided to adopt it when I was so soft-hearted!

Pick it up, put it in your arms to warm it, and then go all the way back.

When I was waiting for the traffic light at a road junction, I suddenly felt that someone was patting me on the back, and I looked back at Uncle, who pointed at me breathlessly and scolded: "Dare to steal my dog, I chased you three streets!" ”

5. The sister-in-law does not do her business all day, often follows a group of spiritual boys to mix with gems, and is also obsessed with watching movies. Today at home to watch a movie, the result of the virus, blue screen, just call me to check it out. As a senior programmer, I watched it for 5 minutes and then asked, "Is this monitor of yours produced by Ha Liu?" The sister-in-law didn't understand this either, and casually replied, "Hmm." Then I said, "What Harbin Pharmaceutical Sixth Factory produces is blue screen." ”

6. The brother-in-law and his sister are engaged and buy a new house in Tomson Yipin, which is 100,000 yuan. Unexpectedly, the mother-in-law transferred 100,000 yuan to her brother-in-law with Alipay the next day. So the brother-in-law bought a house of 1800,000, and also bought 2 large toy pigs wrapped in bamboo charcoal, and put them on the sofa to absorb formaldehyde. One day, Dad and Mom came to visit the house. The second elder sat on the sofa drinking tea, and his mother suddenly asked: "This new house has formaldehyde, have you put anything to suck it?" Need to buy greenery? The brother-in-law said without hesitation: "Yes, there are two pigs sitting on the sofa helping to take drugs..."

7. This morning, there were a lot of people in the breakfast shop downstairs of our house, so a young couple and I shared a table and sat across from me. The girls were very good-looking, so I looked at them twice more, and I didn't expect to be discovered by the boys. He snapped a Volkswagen car key on the table to scare me! So I put a Ferrari car key, Cadillac and Lincoln icon, and several car keys I threw on the table, the man led the woman gray away... Really, you and I have a key to what to pack!

8. When I went to work today, I found that a female colleague who had never been late was actually late today. Just as I was wondering, she came into the office and the boss asked, "Why are you late?" She explained: "I just saw a car accident on the road, a man was thrown out of the car, he broke his leg, his head was also scratched, bleeding a lot, fortunately I learned surgical first aid." Boss: "So how did you deal with it?" She said in horror: "I sat on the ground with my head on my knees, so that I was not frightened to faint." ”

9. Last week I went to Sanya on a business trip, and my wife, who had just got my driver's license, actually drove my Maiten back to her mother's house. I told my wife to pay attention to safety when driving. As a result, the next day I was still dreaming, and I was woken up by my wife's urgent telephone ringing. Half dreaming and half awake, I heard her whisper: I just want to ask you, how to put away the airbag, and what is the insurance company phone number you bought? I'm no big deal compared to the car!

10. My husband has been working overtime regularly recently, and in order to treat my husband, I decided to make braised pork for my husband at night. After the ingredients were prepared, I was ready to start cutting the meat, only to accidentally cut my fingers. At this time, the daughter who was watching TV came to the kitchen, looked at the blood stuck on the meat and the board, and the daughter said solemnly: Are you coloring the braised meat, or are you dripping blood to recognize your relatives?

11. The girl jumped back home and shouted, "Daddy, I'm back!" Dad: How did you go? Girl: 40 points on the test! Dad: Then you have to keep up with the study, obedient Dad will buy you a dress. Then the son came home: Dad, I'm back. Dad: How many points did you get on the test? Son: 90! Dad yelled: Why not 100 points! Give me a penalty stop!

12. During the meal, the man said a few words, and the wife immediately raised her hand. Man: Wife, every time you say less than two words, you will start, where is the woman? After a pause, the wife put down her hand: Yes, I want to change, from today onwards, I will be a gentleman who only moves his mouth, not his hands! Man: Yes, I'm in favor! After the meal, he said a few more words. The wife raised her hand and lowered it, saying: I am a gentleman. He said and bit the man's hand. Man: What are you doing! Wife: I said that I am a gentleman, and I want to move my mouth, and you say yes. Now that you're disobedient, I can only move my mouth.

13. I heard that marvel movies have recently been new, although I don't have a girlfriend, but as an old movie fan, I still plan to watch it alone. I was waiting for the movie to open, and I heard a girl chattering and complaining: Bangs are ugly, cut ugly, so angry! The boyfriend finally couldn't help but say: There is no end! After a pause for a second, he continued: Isn't it okay to reduce the appearance value a little bit to give others a way to live? After having a girlfriend, it is such a magnetic pole, life and death are turned in an instant!

#Funny# #搞笑段子 #