In marriage, contradictions are not terrible, what is terrible is that contradictions will not be resolved

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Hailan Happy Home 2022 12th practice story

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1

Yesterday, when I transferred money to my mother-in-law's family, I felt angry and aggrieved: every month the transfer work was carried out by me, and my husband was like a hand-shaking treasurer.

My thought was: This is your mother, how did it become that I am responsible?

Several times I forgot to send money, there will be pressure and shame inside, the relationship with the mother-in-law is not very good, so I am afraid that the mother-in-law thinks more, and I have many inner dramas.

I blurted out to my husband: "In the future, I will send money every month to send your own remittance, I feel very stressed, I am afraid that your mother will not be happy again." ”

My husband immediately changed his face for two seconds, thinking that I was accusing him again, and he immediately said: Isn't it an online appointment transfer?

I responded: "I don't have an appointment, every month it's my manual." ”

Husband: "You're accusing me, what am I doing wrong?" ”

I felt that this was back to the pattern of our interactions before—I complained about losing the bad ball, he took the bad ball and threw it back, and added anger, and then I just apathy and stopped responding.

I took three deep breaths and closed my eyes to feel my anger protecting my shame and fear.

Afraid of sending money on time and being accused by my mother-in-law, ashamed that I forgot the time of remittance, that is, I am not good.

Another very important reason is that I am feeling very stressed when I recently returned to my in-laws' house.

My need is to be safe, to be understood, to be seen.

Husband is suddenly accused, of course, will feel inexplicable, normal people usually fight back for being attacked, no matter how normal, he also needs to be treated gently.

Explore my communication goals: to build a harmonious relationship with my husband, to support and understand each other.

2

I adjusted myself and said softly to my husband, "Husband, I feel that you are very angry, I just said that because every month for two years I was transferring money, and sometimes I will forget, especially afraid of being blamed."

Last time I forgot for more than ten days, I felt ashamed and worried that my mother-in-law needed money.

To go back to my in-laws in two days, I am really stressed, not because your parents are not good, but because of some things in my past, which make me have some fears, and I need your understanding.

It just so happens that you told me today to "book a transfer", so that there will be no delay in time, and I will not have pressure. ”

My husband didn't speak at first, but then his attitude slowly softened.

After a while, he said, "I know it's stressful for you to go back to my house, or should you come back earlier and take care of yourself?" ”

Me: "Thank you, I also see my own needs, I will respect myself, I am also willing to go to dinner with the elderly." ”

A conflict was resolved smoothly.

I like myself a lot, when life is full of fireworks, I go back to myself again, adjust myself, communicate with the green light, and let our relationship flow freely.

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Author: Hailan Happiness Home Self Happiness Coach Practice Student Wang Xiaoling

Editor: Wang Li

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