1. Accompany your wife downstairs to eat KFC. Check out for $98. I touched my pajama pockets and didn't bring any money. The waiter said: "Your wife is here, you can't run, go home and get it!" "I sped to the fifth floor

1. Accompany your wife downstairs to eat KFC. Check out for $98. I touched my pajama pockets and didn't bring any money.

The waiter said: "Your wife is here, you can't run, go home and get it!" "I rushed to the fifth floor and took 100 pieces and rushed back.

Just when I was exhausted and breathless, the waiter greeted me and said, "Hello! A total of 108 yuan. ”

I looked at the big red ticket in my hand and the milk tea in my wife's hand, instantly petrified.

How much you love milk tea, wife! This will not drink or die....

2. My wife wanted to eat braised pork icon, so I went to the market after work to buy two pounds of pork belly, and after taking it home, I washed it and took it to the cutting board and began to cut it, when I accidentally cut my finger, and the blood fell on the meat.

Just when I was grinning in pain, my wife ran over and asked curiously: Husband, are you dripping blood to recognize your relatives?

3. After graduating with my master's degree, I stayed in Beijing to work. Today, my parents came to Beijing from Daliangshan icon to see me, and they saw that I lived in the basement of 10 square meters, which was very painful. The old mother cried: "The salary of the master's student is so low? Me: "The salary of master's students is not low, the monthly salary is 30,000 yuan." Dad asked, "Then why do you live here?" I said helplessly: "Many people with an annual salary of millions also live here!" ”

4. Lulu is a well-known piano player who goes out on weekends to perform, and when she rests in the box, she uses her hands to flick the window to practice fingering. When the train arrived, two hours late, she blamed the conductor. The conductor replied apologetically: We stopped on the road for a total of two hours, because from time to time someone flicked the alarm, but we could not find anyone.

5． 3 African refugees gathered together to complain bitterly, shouting who is more miserable! The first refugee said: I am so miserable, I have not eaten in days, hungry front and back. The second refugee said: What is this, I have long been a skin and bone! The third refugee said: You know what! People call me a bone foreskin!

6. When I was in college, I found a girlfriend, and in order to buy a birthday present for my girlfriend, my own funds suddenly shrank. Send a message to Grandpa and say: Recently, the funds are tight, the pockets are empty, is it a reward? Grandpa replied: Recently, internet scams have been rampant, many people have been deceived, you put our secret code down. Me: Huh? Grandpa: Don't know? A liar at first glance! Looking at the red exclamation points, I wondered if I had picked them up! 

7. After graduating from college, I went to work in other places and never came home, but I finally went home during the Mid-Autumn Festival. When I got home, I saw my parents cooking in the kitchen, and my father was cutting all kinds of peppers in the kitchen. Mom asked, "What kind of chili do you say I belong to?" Dad: That must be a bell pepper, sweet to my heart! I leaned forward and asked, Dad, what kind of chili pepper am I? Dad: You're a mustard icon, hot eye!

8. Last night my ex-girlfriend told me he was getting married, and I asked a few friends out for a drink when I was in a bad mood. Later, when I drank too much, I picked up my phone and sent a message of agreement to 59 female friends inside: I love you. Immediately after that I broke the film, and this morning I woke up drunk and looked at it, and fifty-eight scolded me. One blocked me, and another transferred 1,000 pieces to me. When I looked, it turned out that she was my mother.

9. My wife has her own company, I am still a worker, I think she is blind! Sure enough, my mother also asked her that day: Alas, you are so powerful, how can you look up to my son? The wife said: Like my conditions, anyway, whoever marries you have to rely on yourself. It is better to marry him and rescue this elderly young man who is almost thirty years old and has been on a blind date no less than fifty times!

 10. Take the car home during the holidays, sitting next to me is a beautiful woman, racking her brains along the way to think about how to talk, but I don't know how to open my mouth. Seeing that I was about to arrive at the station, I was anxious to sit still, at this time my sister glanced at me and said: I am about to arrive at the station, don't worry, there is a toilet at the station.

#Cure unhappiness # #Funny # #搞笑段子 #