The first time I slept with my boyfriend, I hid in the bed and didn't dare to come out. My boyfriend saw that I was unwilling and embarrassed to force me, so we fell asleep at a long distance. arrive

The first time I slept with my boyfriend, I hid in the bed and didn't dare to come out.

My boyfriend saw that I was unwilling and embarrassed to force me, so we fell asleep at a long distance.

At night, I suddenly said to my boyfriend that this life is so short.

At that time, I slipped into his arms and asked him shyly: Have you ever fought for anyone?

As a result, the boyfriend came to say: My stomach has been frozen for an hour, and I don't cover the quilt anymore, and I guess I really have diarrhea.

2 The hostess and I went on a business trip for a week and got pregnant when we came back. The boss suspected that it was me and fired me in a fit of rage. I went to work in an electronics factory, and the canteen food in the factory was difficult to eat. Colleagues didn't want to eat in the cafeteria anymore, so they agreed that everyone would bring a dish. After eating for a few days, I found that it was still someone else's dish that had a fresh feeling. But after a few days they wouldn't let me participate, forking the fact that I was a single dog and couldn't cook. Besides, how come the bagged squeezed vegetables bought in the supermarket are not dishes?

3 On the second day of the wedding, the groom closed his mouth happily.

I secretly asked, "Is it the bride who is as beautiful as a heavenly immortal, and let your boy pick up the treasure?" ”

Groom Officer: "What, my wife's ex-boyfriends are too generous, let me make a lot of money." ”

I wondered, "What do you mean?" ”

Groom Official: "My wife's ex-boyfriends came to drink happy wine, one red packet per person, one red packet 3,000, a total of more than 100,000 yuan, more than the sum of all the relatives in my family's red packets."

I'm so happy, I'm a real ex-boyfriend. ”

Me: "Congratulations congratulations...".

4 After my brother got married, he opened a small supermarket for my sister-in-law downstairs in the community, and in the evening my brother took my sister-in-law out to play, so I was asked to look at the supermarket.

At eleven o'clock in the evening, a thirty-something old audi big brother held a wine box in his arms and lay on the counter, grabbed a large amount of change from the wine box and told to buy cigarettes.

Seeing that I looked at him in surprise, I sighed: Brother, I haven't married when I see you, and when you reach my age, you will know what private money is.

5 The beautiful sister of our company came to me and said, let me be his boyfriend for a few days, pay per the fee, and at least make ten thousand in the end. Having money and having women, this kind of benefit I may refuse! After arriving at my sister's house, I had a good chat with the second elder and was very satisfied with me, so I asked me when we were getting married. I accidentally dripped oil on my pants while eating, and my aunt helped me wash them and let me go take a shower. After taking a shower, I found that there was no towel, so I shouted, I didn't expect to get used to it at home, and I shouted with my mouth: Mom, towel! Half a minute later, my sister's mother smiled and handed me the towel, patted me on the head, and said: Silly child, really sensible, Dad said boy, change your mouth very quickly? This "mom" called your mom no longer has to sleep badly!

6 I paid my daughter a bunch of fees such as tuition and accommodation, health, etc., and said to her on the way back: You have spent a lot of money on me!

Daughter: Dad, you are investing!

Me: How much can be rewarded?

Daughter: Dad, don't you know that investing is risky?

Well, I know now.

7 When I came home from overtime at night, I met a very cute little girl sitting on the side of the road crying. I asked: Little girl, why are you out alone and not coming home so late. The little girl said: Uncle, I am lost, I don't remember how to get home. I said: If you are not afraid that your uncle will sell you, then your uncle will send you home. The little girl said: Thank you uncle, mother said that ugly people have good hearts.

8 My wife and I met in college, and one of us is a northerner and the other is a southerner, because this life is more interesting. When I returned to the dormitory that day after my wife's birthday, my brothers in my hometown called me and said that I couldn't see the heavy snow this year. After hanging up the phone, he took a video of the snow for me, and I turned it to my wife and said: Give you a southerner to see what the snow is like in the north! My wife said: Why don't I take a picture of a flying cockroach and send it to your classmates as a gift?

9 When I was a child, my parents always forced me to learn this and that, but I never did. Others will always have a handiwork to take. Beat gongs and drums, sing and dance. When it was time for the school art show again, the teacher asked Xiaoming what was your talent? Xiaoming thought about it for a moment and said: Teacher, I have played very well! May I?

10 I belong to the chicken, eight years older than my daughter-in-law, she belongs to the snake, when we first met, we found a fortune teller to show me the difference between the eight characters.

The old man's eyes were closed, and there were words in his mouth: "According to the genus, the snake should eat chicken, but this snake is destined to revolve around you for a lifetime, that is, it is not willing to eat you, you two are also a perfect match, and you will definitely be very happy in the future." ”

Now that he has been married for almost seven years, he is very happy, but he is not sure, who said that snakes do not eat chicken.

11 Female colleague recently went on a business trip, I am anxious every day, day and night looking forward to her return, today, I called the female colleague and asked: When are you coming back, I am dying. The female colleague smirked: What? I missed it after only a few days of not seeing him. I said angrily, "Last time you asked me to borrow money and said that you would pay me back in five days, it's been a few days, if my wife finds out that I'm missing 69 yuan, she will chop me alive."

The female colleague said angrily: "Brother, how much money are you so anxious, why don't you leave such a wife?" "I was also angry and asked her: I am divorced from my wife, are you going to be my wife?" The female colleague listened to the music and said: I want to, but you have to ask my husband who is a fitness trainer first, and ask him if he agrees. Guys say, do I want to try it?