There was once an equation on the Internet to describe marriage, "marriage is not 1 + 1 = 1, but 0.5 + 0.5 = 1" The meaning of the equation is to describe the two people who want to be partners, not to really give two people completely to each other, but to constantly run into each other in the marriage, to melt each other out of the other side of the intolerable aspect, and then two people can maintain a truly good marital relationship.
It is this kind of equation relationship that makes more and more people find that the step into marriage is so difficult, and there is a marriage-phobic family. As early as the United States, there was such a woman who chose to commit suicide because of the fear of marriage, and she was Evelyn McHale.
Many psychological studies have found that most people who have an extreme fear of marriage often have a family of origin that cannot be looked back, and Evelyn McHale was born into such an unhappy family of origin.
The family of origin is the beginning of a lifetime of tragedy
1923 was the year Evelyn McHale was born, but it was a worse year for the average family living in California, USA, as it was their seventh child.
As the youngest child, Evelyn McHale not only did not enjoy the best pampering, but was often seen by her parents as the last straw that overwhelmed the family. My father's ordinary job simply could not afford to support this family of nine. Life became more and more difficult, and during the years when the harvest was not good, the family could not maintain even basic food and clothing. This completely broke down the father who worked hard every day.
Later, the father began to fall in love with drinking, and when he got drunk, he vented his indignation on the innocent mother and several young children, especially Evelyn, who was born last. At first, after the father's domestic violence, he would ask his wife and children for forgiveness, and even buy some extra snacks to coax Evelyn, who was hurt by him. Later, as the number of drinks increased, domestic violence became a common thing. During that time, the sound of her father coming home every day became Evelyn McHale's greatest fear.
There were only zero and countless domestic violence, and living in such a repressive environment for a long time, Evelyn McHale's mother was also forced to have some mental problems. In the days that followed, Evelyn had to live even more bitterly, not only to face her father's scolding, but also to her mother's behavior. After being beaten and scolded by her father, her mother will also vent the hurt she has suffered on Evelyn.
Such a hard life, Evelyn lived for seven years. When Evelyn was seven years old, his mother finally divorced her father. But the issue of Evelyn's support became a big problem.
Both parents have certain mental problems and are reluctant to take the initiative to take responsibility for evicting Evelyn. In the end, no one knows how Evelyn McHale grew up, but what is known is that those years of growth must have been bad for her. Over time, Evelyn McHale was also fortunate to meet her "soft-hearted god".
When you first enter the workplace, you encounter love
In 1945, Evelyn successfully graduated from university and entered a bank. Although the salary is not very high, it is good in the environment and treatment. But because of her childhood encounters, Evelyn has always been the most taciturn presence in the workplace, and there are few exchanges with colleagues, until she meets the man she is "destined to".
During a fortuitous outing at the bank, Evelyn meets Barry. As one of Evelyn Bank's customers, the exchange between the two during this period was naturally inevitable. In these few days of harmonious getting along, Evelyn was impressed by this man and opened her heart to him.
Barry was deeply impressed by the tenacity of the young girl, and thus launched a fierce pursuit of Evelyn. But where does Barry know that this tenacity is only the armor that is put up for life, and the real Evelyn is actually fragile like a glass doll, and it is this concealment at the beginning that lays a hidden danger for the subsequent tragedy of the two people.
Unable to resist Barry's fierce pursuit, Evelyn finally agreed to Barry's pursuit, and the two successfully fell in love. The days of falling in love were the happiest days of Evelyn's life, even if they were two places apart, they did not hinder the two, and the two often met after work and shared their feelings of love. Evelyn regards this love as life, and when she is deeply attracted to it, she always asks herself whether she really deserves this love.
Where there is no worthy in love, but Evelyn, who was deeply hurt by childhood, did not understand at all, and Barry, who was deeply in love, failed to discover Evelyn's self-doubt. In Barry's mind, the two are each other's most compatible soul mates, and in this way, Barry proposes.
Be proposed by love and jump down
It was a seemingly ordinary day, and Evelyn, as usual, visited Barry in her spare time, unaware that a surprise about her was quietly being prepared. After Evelyn successfully arrives at where Barry works, Barry proposes to her.
She was so overwhelmed and had mixed feelings when she was proposed by her lover, but looking at her lover's sincere face, she couldn't say anything about rejection. So Evelyn agreed to Barry's marriage proposal and put on the proposal ring that Barry had carefully selected for her. That night, Evelyn lost sleep.
From the moment she found herself being proposed, the gray memories of her childhood began to pop into her mind. Her father's drunkenness, her scolding, and her mother's screams recurred over and over again in her mind, as if to remind him not to delay.
A girl like her marrying a good boy like Barry will only continue to drag Barry down, and in the end, Barry will dislike her, then her beautiful love will be over.
Under constant negative cues to herself, Evelyn stood on the roof of the 86th floor.
The moment she stood on the roof, the pain seemed to be alleviated at once, and her expression became unusually calm and even idyllic, as if barry was next to greet her in a carriage to marry her. Jumping down, Evelyn ended her 23-year-old life.
"Falling Angel", the original sin
Evelyn's fall, like the withering of a flower, was photographed by a passing photographer. In the photo, she lies peacefully on a deformed car, her hands are dignified on her lower abdomen, and she is not a little messy as if she is asleep.
As soon as this photo was published, it was noticed by many people. At first, everyone thought it was a model's pose, but later learned about Evelyn's 23 years of pain and entanglement. Because of the beauty of the photos, Evelyn was called a "falling angel" by the public.
With Evelyn's life coming to an end was Barry's heart. When he learned that his fiancée had jumped off the building, he did not believe at first, how could his fiancée choose to jump off the building after he had just agreed to his marriage proposal. But it wasn't until he saw Evelyn's sleeping body that Barry believed it all. The collapse and confusion filled Barry's whole body until he saw her suicide note.
Evelyn's suicide note goes like this, "My fiancé wants to marry me in June, but I don't think I can be a good wife, and he's better off than me." After my death, I hope that no part of my body will be seen by outsiders. ”
Regrettably, however, her last wish was never fully fulfilled, and the photographer had taken and published her photograph without her knowledge. It is also the publication of this photo that allows the public to know more about the relationship between depression and the original family.
Barry, who saw the contents of the suicide note, walked away in silence, and we don't know where he went. Later, according to the descriptions of those who had contact with Evelyn, many psychologists believed that Evelyn herself may have suffered from severe depression, but it was only ignored for a while. Maybe it was Evelyn's deliberate reluctance to let people find their own scars, or maybe it was the inattention of the people around her. Evelyn's failure to get early treatment contributed to the tragedy of her fall.
epilogue:
According to the research data in the joint questionnaire network of the Social Survey Center of China Youth Daily, we found such a problem. 61.2% of the respondents have a tendency to fear marriage, and 8% of them admit that their fear of marriage is extremely serious.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), more than 54 million people in China suffer from depression, accounting for 4.2% of the total population data, while the prevalence of the whole population is only 4.4%. It also directly indicates that of the 260,000 suicides in China every year, half of them commit suicide due to depression.
According to another incomplete statistic, people with depression in their original families accounted for 90% of depressed people. Huge statistics show that there are more and more depressed people in contemporary life, and the proportion of people who are because of their original families is even more.
Fear of marriage, fear of childbearing is a common phenomenon in contemporary life, more and more young people are not willing to get married, perhaps some people give in against their wishes is one of the reasons for creating the original family. Even more, they will choose to avoid marriage like Evelyn. But the reason for all this is not marriage at all, but from oneself, do you have the courage to take on a family responsibility? Do you really understand that you don't have depressive tendencies? Can it be treated in time after detecting that you have a depressive tendency?
The story of "Falling Angel" is over, but it does not mean that there will be a more sad story than Evelyn's story. Only when everyone themselves treat their own depression problems and even marital relationships in a positive way can such problems be truly solved. As a bystander, it is even more necessary to maintain a correct attitude towards depression, and in this era of huge proportion of depression in the world, it is the most correct attitude for everyone to work together to fight depression.
Hopefully, there will never be a story like "Fallen Angel" happening in this world again!