Everyone decides at an early age how they will live and how they will die. Wherever he goes, he brings this plan there in his head, which is called a "script", which is also the plan of the human subconscious for a lifetime. He may make rational decisions about things that are not important. But he had already decided on some important things; who he would marry, how many children he would have, what kind of bed he would die in, who would be by his side when he died. It may not be something he likes, but it's something he invisibly hopes to achieve.
Scripts have some typical types, to give you an example:
There was a lady whose father had domestic violence when she was a child and often beat her. When she grew up, she found her first boyfriend, who broke up because she hit her. Found a second boyfriend, also hit her, and broke up again. Found a third boyfriend, very honest and gentle, this time finally got better, so they got married. It turned out that less than three years after the marriage, the man beat her again.
Later, others asked the man: Seeing that you are usually so honest, how can you beat your wife? He said: My wife really forced me too hard that time, and usually quarreled, even if it was a fight, that time she scolded me and said, "You fight, you hit me, if you don't beat you, you are not a man." "I couldn't get off the stage at the time, so I couldn't help it... This is the "always" script.
People who have always scripts often say "Why does this always happen to me". There are very prominent obsessive-compulsive repetitions in life, such as a book about obsessive-compulsive disorder called "Brain Lock", which mentions a female Sarah who has been married three times at the age of 56. The first husband she sought was schizophrenic, the second husband was an alcoholic, and the third husband was an obsessive-compulsive disorder patient, which is called compulsive repetition, that is, always script.
In addition to these long-term performances, there are always short-term performances of the script, such as his mode of speaking is often to make his own mistakes, he jumps from one topic to another topic before he says a few words. Those who listen to him often feel that they do not know what his point is about.
There is also a script called "never", and people who have this script do not believe in their own power and do not believe that they can solve problems. At the same time, I don't believe that others will help me, so I don't really ask for help. It's a kind of "I'm not good, neither am you good" mentality.
The long-term performance of the "Never" script is that it has always been very passive, withdrawn, and has always been dissatisfied with life, but has not taken its life seriously. Instead of remaining an adult, they are in a childlike state expecting others to solve their own problems, while at the same time complaining that others do not value themselves and do not solve problems for themselves. The short-term performance of the Never script is to tell you about the trouble you are having over and over again, as if it hadn't been said before. And because these troubles have been said many times, when he says it, he doesn't have any expression or emotion, as if he were talking about someone else' thing.
The difference between it and the "always" script is that it is always the script that similar troubles, similar difficulties, happen to the same person over and over again. Never scripting is a troublesome thing for a person, a difficulty, as if it can never be solved.
Life scripts are an important concept in the psychology of interpersonal communication analysis (also known as interaction analysis, transactional analysis), founded by psychologist Eric Byrne in the 1960s.
You may wonder how human beings, who have accumulated a wealth of wisdom, who have a strong sense of self- awareness, who desire truth, and who pursue themselves, can allow ourselves to be in this mechanical life full of pain and self-deception, completely dependent on the scripts established as children?
Partly because we love our parents, partly because life is easier, and partly because we didn't evolve enough to get us far ahead of our ape ancestors. We do have more self-awareness than our ape ancestors, but it's not enough. Scripting is only possible if people don't know what they're doing to themselves and others. In fact, knowing what you're doing is the opposite of living according to the script. Human beings will inexplicably have some conditions in terms of physical, psychological, social, etc., which are actually caused by programmed procedures. These situations can greatly affect the fate of individuals by influencing those around them, and the person concerned is still in the illusion of self-determination. However, we still have remedies.
Why is it that although each of us has a script, it can be changed? A very important reason is that we all have a fluid self. The ego is not static but changes with your self-awareness, with the environment and the way you behave. Although "three years old to see the young and six years old to see the old" is a universal law, the realization of "life transformation" will also occur.
In interpersonal communication psychology, you will learn to use your "self-state" to change the way you communicate and thus change the direction of the script, and in the long run to change the outcome of the original script.