Maybe it's because I've been following the topic of stay-at-home moms and working moms before, and I always get relevant pushes.
I've also been a stay-at-home mom for a while, and I've always felt that whether it's a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, it's a personal choice.
But when I saw the answer of a high-ranking person who knew it, a very deep sense of guilt welled up in my heart.
The gist of this answer is that the social benefits that full-time mothers can enjoy and the social status that women can enjoy are all exchanged for working mothers working hard in the workplace.
The answer also listed very reasonably and well-founded the struggles of women for their rights and interests during the Republic of China period and the founding of New China.
After reading this answer, I really have a sense of guilt that has dragged the hind legs of women in the whole society. And once people have a sense of guilt, they will live more tired.
01
Chinese mothers who can't get rid of guilt
Whether it is a working mother or a stay-at-home mother, it is difficult to get rid of the guilt of her child.
Working mothers will blame themselves, lack of companionship for their children, and the hand that moves bricks cannot hold the baby. Stay-at-home moms can also feel guilty and have time to spend with their children, but it is difficult to be a role model for their children.
Coupled with the fact that society's expectations for women have always been diverse: husbands and children, raising a family, and realizing self-worth, this is what women look like in the new era.
No matter how successful a woman's career is, as long as she is not married, has no children, and does not have time to spend with her children, she is a loser.
And the full-time mother who has become a good wife and mother, but because she wants to reach out for money, does not realize her personal value, does not contribute to society, and does not become a role model for her children, she is pitied and criticized by the world.
Therefore, Chinese mothers will feel extra tired, because no matter how hard they try, they cannot meet the expectations of others.
I sometimes think that now it is monogamous, but the requirements for wives can only be completed by the cooperation of three wives and four concubines in the past.
Some wives are responsible for supporting the family, some wives are responsible for taking care of the family, and some wives are dedicated to taking care of children, so that the division of labor can realize the value of women in the new era.
02
Everything you do is a choice
I particularly like a passage from Psychotropic Nutrition:
There is no such thing in this world called "must it be so", especially time and money, which is a matter of choice.
When your guilt is big enough, you will naturally reduce your workload and socialize less. When guilt doesn't make you change, guilt isn't as important as some of your inner needs, to say the least.
Anything in the world is a choice. For many mothers, whether to continue working or not is a difficult choice.
Some people can choose, and some people don't have to choose at all.
I'm lucky I can choose. When I want to work, I have grandparents to take care of my children and I can work with peace of mind.
When I didn't want to work and wanted to go back to my family, I also got the support of my family. They didn't treat me because I didn't have a job or an income, and no one gave me a look.
I've also seen people who don't have a choice. If you don't work, your family won't have enough to eat, and if you don't stay at home full-time, your children will not be cared for, and you will be forced to make a choice.
Regardless of how the choice is made, once the choice is made, it should move forward towards the chosen path.
It's like walking through a fork in the road, walking along the chosen road, paying attention to the scenery on the road, in order to have a harvest. If you regret it while walking, and regret the beautiful scenery missed on the other road, you can only walk more and more desolate, and finally find nothing.
03
No one can criticize Mom
No matter what choice Mom ultimately makes, no one can criticize her because everyone's situation is different.
In particular, I want to publicize the above sentences, let all people see, let those who are full of "social progress" and "be a woman in the new era" look at it, no one deliberately pulls the hind legs of society, no one does not want to have a double harvest of career and family, but what is the reality?
I've seen young women flagging that they must not become housewives, how they must be, and their words are full of hostility towards stay-at-home mothers.
All I can say is that if there is a choice, who does not want to have both family and career, who does not want to become a woman in the new era. But the reality is that it is very helpless, and if you can take care of one end, you can't take care of the other end.
The choices every mother makes are careful choices she makes after weighing the pros and cons.
The child is crying at home and no one is taking it, what independent women are they talking about? If you don't work, you can't open the pot at home, your children can't eat, and what else can you talk about wholehearted companionship?
Because of the tangled choices, the mother's heart is already full of pain, and it is too cruel to impose on them a lot of things that must be done, making them more tired and bitter.
If you are a bystander, please be merciful and don't judge other people's lives. Everyone's situation is different, and no matter what choice Mom makes, no one can criticize her.
If you are a mother, please let yourself go, there is no "must-do" thing in this world, it is enough to do what you think is most important.