Children's rebellion is not a problem, but an opportunity to grow, and mastering the method can be guided correctly.
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In fact, the so-called rebellion is just the wishful thinking of adults, and for the child it is just a sign of his growth.
If you can truly understand the psychological needs behind your child's rebellious behavior and respect his growth, you will no longer be bothered by this.
Therefore, the 3 rebellious periods of a child's life, you must manage it like this!
The first period of rebellion: the terrible two years or so
The child's self-consciousness begins to become strong around the age of two, so it will change from the previous "little obedient" to a helpless "little devil".
He always likes to start with a "no" in everything, and his favorite thing is to respond by adding a "no" word before the instruction you say.
For example: "Sleep! "Unconscious!" "Eat!" "No food!" "Call Auntie!" "No aunt!" Wait a minute.
Some mothers say that their children began to rebel like this when they were more than one year old, which may be because when the mother communicates with her children, she always likes to command no, not to do anything, and the child learns to say "no" prematurely.
The child is a mirror of the parent, how you are, in his place will get the reflection. So the key to changing your child is to change yourself first.
And although the child has a strong sense of self, in the interaction with people, many ideas he does not know how to express, such as when others grab his toys, he will make punches and kicks in a hurry.
One is because of the sensitive period of hands and feet, and the other is because he does not know how to express his opinion correctly, and he reacts freely in panic.
So how should parents discipline their children during this period?
1. Remember not to be too democratic
Many parents seem to be very democratic, everything with their children in a deliberative tone, let's go to dinner okay? How about we brush our teeth together? In this case, most children will answer "Not good!" "Then you'll start to lose your temper or be reasonable, and he'll be even more unheard."
2. Have your child do multiple choice questions
Before asking your child, give him two choices in a way that you can accept.
Like do you want to eat rice or noodles? Shall we go out now, or will we go out in five minutes?
Of course, some children will give additional answers, then you will clearly tell him that this is not within the scope of the choice, and then repeat your proposition very seriously.
In fact, many times children do not want to give parents too much collision, generally at this time he will choose according to your range.
On the one hand, this can give the child a good guide, on the other hand, let the child feel that you respect him very much and have a sense of mastery.
3. Don't always communicate in a commanding tone
For example: don't throw toys around! In fact, you directly say "the baby should put the toys away", he is more willing to accept.
Parents are rude, the child will follow your rough, followed by endless "violence against violence", so parents must first change 1%, then the baby will change 99%.
4. Give your child time to prepare
Although the child is mainly playing, but that is also his "work", not you rudely shout stop, he must stop immediately, you have to give him time to react.
For example: remind you as soon as possible before going out, and we will go out after 5 minutes! Another example: "Go wash your hands and eat!" Don't grind it! Change to "Baby, in five minutes, we're going to eat!" ”
Think about which way children are more receptive? Different ways of communicating will naturally have different results.
5. Let more people participate in the growth of children
The child is not the mother alone, the child with one hand has long been aware of the mother's temperament, so it can easily win in the "battle of wits and courage".
If the father can communicate with the child more, does not need discipline, does not need to be reasonable, just play with him, do it for him, he will naturally understand what is the rule, what is the rule.
The second period of rebellion
7-9 years old adults
When children enter primary school, their main social interaction is no longer family or neighbors, but school classmates and teachers.
When they enter elementary school, they will feel that they are a little adult, can make their own decisions, and try to break free of the control of their parents, so they become everywhere like to "contradict" adults.
Paradoxically, they are still very much in need of adults, or they will not be shy in front of their parents, hoping that their parents will answer the things that confuse themselves.
Since the child has changed, the parenting style of the parents must change with it.
1. Treat him like a "little adult"
Don't treat your child as a little person who doesn't know anything, and learn to treat him like a "little adult".
There are things you can ask your child's opinions and suggestions, even if the child's answer is very childish, in the end you will not use it at all, but you can give a reason for refusal, so that the child understands why.
First, children can learn how to communicate with adults and let children feel needed; second, to meet their psychological needs for growth, which is more conducive to parent-child communication.
2. Give your child some freedom
Children are eager to be self-directed, giving children limited freedom, which is more conducive to children's growth.
For example, if you want your child to write homework quickly, you don't necessarily need to urge and yell, you can tell your child: after doing homework and before going to bed, he can arrange it freely.
Give the child the right to choose, and the child's internal drive will be more sufficient.
3. If you can be reasonable, you will never do it
Scolding education is easy to hit children's self-esteem, especially public criticism or scolding, which will make children very faceless and frustrated, increase negative emotions, produce self-doubt, and even form a negative, inferior, and flattering personality.
No matter what happens, please calm down, take a deep breath, count 10 seconds before speaking, anger will make people impulsive, control people's minds, resulting in more complex and more difficult to solve.
What children need is a rational parent, not an emotional parent.
The third period of rebellion
12-15 years old wonderful puberty
After the child enters puberty, because the psychological development is not yet mature, he often feels frustrated and is in a state of "annoyed".
Children in this period: good looks, strong self-esteem, very susceptible to the influence of their peers, doing things that challenge the authority of their parents, this is just a declaration of independence for them.
In this period, as a parent, if you want to force your child to obey through the "authority" of the high, then there is a good chance that the child's rebellious psychology will be strengthened.
1. Parents should try to interfere with their children as little as possible and give their children as much space as possible to be independent.
Even if the child does something wrong, it is necessary to concentrate all the problems together, try to ignore the trivial things, only choose the most important three or four problems, and talk with the child once a month or so.
When talking, don't talk at length. Only the less you talk, the more attentive the child will listen, and will pay attention to it with his heart.
2. Parents should begin to treat their children as independent individuals, treat them equally, support their children's attempts to aspire to independence, give encouragement and comfort when children fail, and give affirmation and praise when children succeed.
3. Parents can show their children more positive inspirational books, such as celebrity biographies, so that he has a model to learn in his heart and use the example in his mind to restrain his behavior.
4. During this period, you can take your child to different places, contact different people, go to colleges and universities to feel the feelings, etc., to give him a healthy social atmosphere.
5. The father's rationality and sense of trust can win the child's heart at this time, and it is much easier to communicate than the anxious mother, so the father must participate in the growth of the child.
In addition, the love of husband and wife is the best tutor, and the more tense the family atmosphere, the easier it is for children to rebel.
Rebellion is not an unforgivable mistake, much less an insoluble problem.
It is an opportunity for children to know themselves and develop themselves, as parents do not need excessive anxiety, just need to let go of the usual authority, accept peacefully, strategically guide, and learn and grow together with them.
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Source: Daughter Pie
Producer: Wuhan Women's Federation
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