In daily life, you may be worried about raising children, and even because of the child's occasional rebuttal, you can't help but feel angry and want to beat up your child. If you can control your anger, the rough hands-on scene is only staged in your mind, but if you lose control of your emotions, your fist is already swinging at the child.
Many parents said that when their children talk back, they are angry and have lung pain, but they cannot carry out stick education, for fear of hurting their children. In the face of children's "resistance" and "confrontation" again and again, parents are both sad and sad. I don't know when it started, that little person who was docile and well-behaved in front of his parents, cute and clingy, will also become so repulsive?
01
Talking back is actually a way to communicate. However, this kind of communication occurs when the child's ideas are not properly respected and understood. Because in the eyes of parents, talking back is a manifestation of disobedience. When children do not act according to their parents' ideas, but express their own views, the parents will loudly ask, "Did I teach you to talk to your elders like this?" ”
See a set of survey data on the Internet: What behavior do you hate most about your children? More than 75% of parents chose to "talk back".
Yes, in real life, when your parents let you go east, you are biased to the west; when your parents say bitterly and seriously, you still have a lot of reasons to refute.
I believe that everyone is reluctant to talk back, and they are willing to be able to communicate with their parents calmly.
However, every child who resists is not because he is ignorant and disrespectful, but because parents are always condescending, speaking to their children in a commanding tone, always asking their children to do things they have not done; always kidnapping and forcing children to do things under the love of "good for you".
Therefore, it also casts the child's frequent mouth, and the mouth is: Why do I have to listen to you? You don't let me watch TV, how do you play with your phone? How do you know I did it?
02
American writer Pamela. Lee said in her best-selling parenting book: In the eyes of many people, children are against themselves. But in fact, this is just an embarrassment for us to "lose authority".
For example, why some children would rather obey their teachers than listen to their parents; would rather talk to their friends than communicate with their parents.
That's because you didn't believe what you said, and you made a pact to take your kids to the amusement park on the weekend, but you forgot.
That's because you don't lead by example, obviously you hold your mobile phone to play games, brush vibrato, but say to the child: stop watching TV, go write homework.
That's because of your solitary domineering, you always feel that you are an elder, and your children should listen to you unconditionally.
That's because you always compare your children with others, and you always feel that so-and-so in the neighbor's family is not only obedient and sensible, but also admitted to key schools.
That's because you always misunderstand the child because of your own ideas, wronged the child, you always yell at the child because of a bowl that he accidentally broke, and you don't know that it is the filial piety of the child who wants to share the housework for you.
In fact, every parent loves their children very much and does not want their children to take a little detour, so they always want to give their life wisdom to their children.
However, children will always have a day to grow up, and parents will always have a time to grow old. You can't protect our whole life, instead of clinging to the right not to give us, it is better to let go, let us slowly practice, how to use this power.
When a child can be responsible for himself, dare to express himself, and know how to respect others, it is a real relief as a parent.
03
When children talk back, it is for "dignity". Because he felt that he had grown up, not a three-year-old hairy child, his parents should not count him in front of outsiders, leaving him without face.
When the child resists, it is for the sake of "rights". Because he feels that his life is in his own hands, rather than blindly obeying his parents' arrangements and resigning himself.
When the child resists, it is for the sake of "truth". Because he felt that it was not something he had done wrong, he should not bear it by himself, so he worked hard to restore the facts for the grievances he had suffered.
When the child resists, it is for the sake of "truth." Because he felt that the times were advancing with the times, people's minds should also accept new ideas and abandon old traditional concepts.
The wise man Socrates said: Nature gives us human beings a mouth and two ears, that is, to let us listen more and talk less.
Only by patiently listening will we know what the child really thinks and can we say the appropriate response.
If you like it, add a focus to light up the small praise, in the eyes of many people, the child's mouth is against himself. But in fact, this is just an embarrassment for us to "lose authority".
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