Parents with adolescent children should learn the rules of educational communication.
In many cases, in the face of adolescents, parents themselves often have various problems in cognition, these are not right or not very good cognitive state, not only is not conducive to improving the parent-child relationship of adolescence, but will worsen the relationship between parents and children.
Basically, there are six most common mistakes that parents make during their children's adolescence.
First, don't lead by example
Is to talk to the child when it is a set, their own is another set, such as adults tell children to abide by traffic rules, to see traffic lights, the result of parents themselves have been running red lights, so that parents who do not lead by example, no matter what is said is more unconvincing, it is easy to be looked down upon by adolescent children, we often say that teaching by example, before they open their mouths to educate children, it is best to think about the things that require children, have they done it in the end?
There is a saying on the Internet that parents cannot lead by example, mainly for three reasons. The first is the cognitive problem. If parents do not realize the importance of leading by example, then it is impossible to talk about showing a better self in front of their children, followed by the problem of ability, that is, although parents know that they should lead by example, they cannot do it because of their limited ability, and the last reason is that the child has grown up to understand things, and with a different point of view from the parents, the parents have not achieved the level that the child thinks should be achieved.
These statements have a certain truth, human nature is very complex, the interaction mode between parents and children is also very complex, learning to improve the level of their own education of children, itself has requirements for the ability of parents, usually can be found to pay more attention to the teaching, try to lead by example The overall emotional management and educational concepts of parents are also better.
If parents' emotional management is not so good, and their personality weaknesses lead to the inability to lead by example, it may be necessary to invest time and energy in this area for targeted self-training.
Second, parents' own emotional control is very poor
The study of domestic violence now shows that if the father in the family has physical violence against the mother, the child has a sample, and when he grows up, he is also prone to use violence against others.
Jay Chou has a song called "Dad I'm Back" Lyrics have written, I heard that usually after the war will be exchanged for peace, why see my dad has been beating my mom, just because he is drunk, he can take my mom out of the play, I really can't watch it.
In fact, the child is like a mirror, what kind of self the parents show in front of the child, what kind of image is presented in this mirror. Jay Chou's song also has a lyric, singing the inner words of many teenagers.
Growing up you told me to learn and use you as an example. A lot of illusions, my mother often said, well, listen to your father's words, how do you tell me to get along with you?
Therefore, seeing a person's personality, temperament and behavior, we can infer what kind of family he may grow up in, we say that the child's adolescence is very important, and the parents' own emotional management at this stage is equally important.
Third, parents have inconsistent attitudes towards the same thing in front of their children
For children, parents may be a whole, if there are differences in opinions and attitudes within this whole, then for children, authority and persuasion will also decline, parents sometimes like to play red face and sing white face, father as a bad person to teach the child, then the mother will come to be a good person to comfort the child, as if the feeling that education will be more effective.
Therefore, strict fathers and mothers seem to have such a tradition in our culture. But parents such as emotional division of labor, will bring a lot of parent-child relationship sequelae to the child, the simplest child will cognitive confusion, do not know who to listen to, feel very embarrassed, and then face the parents' position split, the child is not easy to have self-restraint, and most importantly, in fact, the child is very good at observing the color, he will know which of the parents is better for himself, and then will be lucky to avoid the murder and sing the red face of the one is more intimate, parents are also because of the inconsistency of views, but the child sees the needle, It causes discord between husband and wife, and produces family conflicts and even conflicts. In fact, this is due to small losses, and the gains are not worth the losses.
If you must sing red face and white face, it is best for parents to sing the same role together, otherwise in the eyes of children, parents seem to be guessing at each other and tearing each other apart.
There is also a point here that may be more difficult to deal with, that is, even if the parents face the same attitude towards the child, if they live with their grandparents, grandmothers or grandparents, they will also face the problem of intergenerational parenting, we all say that grandparents are easy to spoil their grandchildren for various reasons, especially when parents educate their children, if they are interfered with or prevented by grandparents, adolescent children will feel that they have found an umbrella, and they are more emotionally fearless. At this time, the problem is no longer a simple parent-child communication problem, and the relationship between parents violating grandparents may also be out of the situation, resulting in constant conflict in the family and restlessness of chickens and dogs.
Fourth, adults want to please adolescent children
This mentality sounds strange, but it is also seen a lot. What is it to please children? That is, parents know that adolescent children's emotional fluctuations have many unreasonable requirements, at this time some parents will go from strict suppression of children to the other extreme, that is, unconditional satisfaction of children's requirements, hoping to avoid conflict and alienation between parents and children, and even hope that adolescent children can therefore maintain childhood trust and attachment to parents, then this situation actually has seen too many cases, and then it has caused teenagers to have a lot of problems, including emotional disorders, these are very troublesome things.
Fifth, when facing adolescent children, parents' time management is also a frequent problem
Why should we mention time management in particular to everyone, because it is a very important physiological factor, first of all, adolescent children are in an important stage of development, parents should master the golden sleep time, the golden sleep time of adolescence, the most ideal is to sleep at eleven o'clock at night to seven o'clock in the morning of the next day, that is, eight hours, this golden time sleep helps children secrete growth hormone in the middle of the night, which is scientifically based, to ensure that the child's golden sleep time can also increase their melatonin secretion, Affects the adjustment of serotonin.
Here is a simple explanation, melatonin is one of the hormones secreted by the pineal gland, also known as pineal voxel, as endogenous neuroendocrine hormone has a direct and indirect physiological regulatory effect on the central nervous system, sleep disorders, depression and mental illness has a therapeutic effect, serotonin is a kind of nerve conduction substance produced in the body, there are some plants and fungi, if the serotonin level of the brain is reduced, it may cause irritability, anxiety, fatigue, chronic pain, anxiety and other emotional problems.
We often use anger to lose reason to describe a person's anger, in fact, this is not necessarily the absence of reason in the brain, but it is likely that the part of the brain responsible for reason lacks serotonin, without the appropriate role of this signaling substance, it is difficult for people to control the activity of brain parts related to anger. Simply put, melatonin, serotonin and other things are helpful for both mood and sleep. Therefore, parents are best not to stay up late often, because you stay up late, and children will easily stay up late.
Sixth, the mistake that parents tend to overlook is that they are addicted to playing mobile phones
Parents know that children are not good at playing mobile phones, will require them to usually read books or write homework, and then do not play mobile phones, but parents themselves even when eating are looking down at the mobile phone, parents if they have been holding the mobile phone, in fact, children will be unconvinced, they will think, you can, why can't I, only allow the state official to set the fire, do not allow the people to light the lamp, so that teenagers will even have a kind of learning, although lying on the bed as if sleeping, but in fact, it is covered with a quilt in the secret play mobile phone,
In addition, letting children play with mobile phones is the ultimate trick that many mothers know, especially when parents are busy, and then the child has been pestering you, as long as you take the mobile phone to the child, the world can become clean in a second. In the short term, although this practice can temporarily liberate parents to let them concentrate on doing things, in the long run, it will allow children to develop a bad conditioned reflex, as long as they want to play mobile phones to make trouble for parents.
The above are the parents of adolescent children are most likely to make several cognitive mistakes, and there are many problems in the parent-child relationship during adolescence, because many parents are also in the bottleneck stage of life during this period, and each has a lot of problems.
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