introduction
Liu Changming, principal of Beijing No. 4 Middle School, once said: "Whoever puts his children first is most likely a tragedy waiting for this family." Yingzi and her husband Lao Yang put each other first and gave the children enough room to grow. "Becoming yourself" is the starting point and the end of this family education.
Family archives
Dad: Old Yang
Mom: Heroic, civil servant, positive discipline family instructor, Erikson certified professional coach, sand table consultant
Daughter: 卯卯, a junior high school student at Nankai Liangjiang Middle School
Put yourself first
Let the child be themselves wholeheartedly
Family education is the foundation of human growth. As a positive disciplined family instructor, Yingzi knows the importance of family education for children's growth, but she does not put children first.
In psychology, there is a "law of order", the relationship that appears first in the family is better than the relationship that appears later, that is, the relationship between husband and wife first, and then the parent-child relationship. For children, the flow of love and tenderness between parents is the best nourishment, and only when parents are first filled with happiness, children will be sunny.
In Yingzi's view, the relationship between husband and wife is the needle of the sea god to stabilize the family, she said: "Many families put their children first, but we put ourselves first. This does not mean that we do not love children, but we hope that children can be themselves wholeheartedly and do not have to consume energy in parental relationships. "Yingzi and her husband Lao Yang have been married for many years, but they still have sweet feelings, and every Wednesday is their thunderous dating day; Whenever her husband comes home, as long as Yingzi is at home, she will definitely give her husband a big hug.
Allowing every family member to be able to be themselves to the fullest is the concept of heroic family education. Yingzi always consciously or unconsciously cultivates her daughter's sense of autonomy, lets her solve problems on her own, and gives her more space. In life, Yingzi will give her daughter the opportunity to make decisions every day, such as what color clothes to wear tomorrow, whether to live in school or not. She rarely gives direct advice, but often asks, "What do you think?" What are you going to do?" Inspire your daughter to think and solve problems.
On her daughter's 12th birthday, Yingzi wrote a letter to her daughter, in which she wrote: "Our children, we give you all the permission, allow mistakes, allow failure, allow not to do well, allow you to have everything, we wait for you with hugs, accompany you, praise you, love you!"
In such a loving and free environment of growth, she has a higher and higher sense of self-control, she has a sense of self-decision-making, and likes to do things in cooperation, has strong executive and organizational skills, and often plays a leadership role in project learning.
When a child makes a mistake
Master error correction skills
Every child grows up between constantly making mistakes and correcting them. As a guide on the road of children's growth, parents cannot ignore their children's mistakes, nor can they go online, but must master educational skills.
Once, due to too many things, the English homework was not completed, and the unfinished exercise book was torn off. Although Yingzi was very angry, but the matter was over, there was no point in blaming, she asked, "What do you think?" "There are so many things, I really don't have time to finish my homework."
Yingzi found that the reason for the incident was that she did not consider the feasibility of good things, and lacked the ability to actively communicate, resulting in lying and avoidance. She said to Her, "If you think there are too many things, you can discuss it with your mother, and we can reduce the tuition a little, what do you think?" In the future, when you encounter difficulties, you must speak out, knowing that you can't do it, and you have to lie and hide, and it is you who suffers. ”
"When you find that your child is lying, don't rush to label your child as lying, find the reason why your child is lying, and help your child communicate actively, rather than avoiding." Yingzi said, "When the child makes a mistake, when communicating with the child, first of all, he must show that he is not here to criticize but to help you, so that the child feels safe." Second, we must see the positive motivation behind the event, let the child feel understood, and stand on the same side as the child to find a solution. By focusing on the positive, children are willing to improve, and it is often better to deal with it gently and calmly than to reprimand loudly. ”
Now, talking and being honest with each other is the mode of getting along with her daughter. A family of three learns together and makes progress together, but they are all independent individuals, each wonderful.
Source: A Parent Assistant Public Account