Season 5 of Where Daddy Went
One episode is a contest between parents to win prizes for babies and moms. In this game between Chen Xiaochun and Wu Zun, Jasper has been cheering his dad on, hoping that his dad can win the game and then give the prize to his mom. But Chen Xiaochun lost.
Jasper said grievously, "We didn't win at all." ”
Ying Cai'er comforted: "It doesn't matter, it's just a game, next time refuel!" ”
The subtitle group captioned Jasper with "I want to win!" ”
Chen Xiaochun also constantly comforted: "You are already very good, sometimes it is just a matter of luck... It doesn't matter, okay? ”
Jasper said with tears in his eyes: "I don't want to lose, I want to win every day... But I don't want to lose! ”
From the short 28-second video, I saw Jasper's overall anxiety after losing the game:
I kept walking back and forth, and finally sat directly on the ground, and then began to wipe my face and eyes with my hands, even if I was held in my mother's arms, the whole thing was very uneasy.
We will often encounter this kind of child in our lives who seems to be "unable to lose", no matter how to comfort him, his winning spirit is always better than his reason.
So, how should we teach our children to "afford to lose"?
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About Blunt Force
Japanese writer Junichi Watanabe believes in his work "Blunt Sensibility" that people with "blunt sensibility" basically have the following characteristics:
● Quickly forget things that are unhappy;
● Identify the goal, even if it fails, still continue to challenge;
● Calmly face gossip;
● Always be grateful for jealous irony;
● In the face of praise, do not inch in, do not get carried away.
Junichi Watanabe believes that people with this kind of blunt sensitivity are more likely to succeed.
There are two examples written in this book:
?
One is a talented writer.
This writer is very literate, but his psychological quality is very poor, and he is very concerned about the reader's evaluation of his works, especially those negative evaluations. Because of the great concern for these negative evaluations, the writer gradually could not devote himself to the creation, so he gradually disappeared from the crowd.
The other is a doctor.
As a doctor, after graduating from university, he studied with a very experienced surgical expert who was very skilled but very fond of reprimanding others. As an intern, the doctor was reprimanded by experts. But he always seemed to be indifferent, just did his best to learn the medical skills of experts, and eventually he became a superb expert, very successful.
Watanabe Jun uses the example of these two people to illustrate the importance of blunt sensitivity, and he believes that the success of a person depends not only on the talent of the person, but also on his ability to withstand pressure.
For a child who "can't afford to lose", the ability to withstand pressure is far lower than his desire for victory, so "blunt sensitivity" is also what they need to cultivate the most.
▏ "Soldiers who don't want to be marshals are not good soldiers"
1. Be a good soldier first
A soldier who does not want to be a marshal is not a good soldier, this sentence is Napoleon's famous saying. Napoleon also proved with his own practice that as long as there are ideals, as long as they are willing to compete, soldiers can become marshals, and even become emperors.
But the premise of becoming a marshal is that you first need to be a good soldier
The reason why Napoleon became a marshal was because when he was a soldier, he was able to achieve solid military knowledge, brave combat, and accurate grasp of fighters.
2. Have the belief to compete
An army has thousands of soldiers, but only one marshal. So although there are many soldiers who want to become marshals, there is only one possibility of success in the end.
Just like every year
College entrance examination
In the same way, there are hundreds of thousands of college entrance examination students in each province, but only a few can eventually be admitted to prestigious universities. But as a soldier, as a student, you can't give up the opportunity to compete because the opportunity is slim. Opportunities are equal for everyone, and success is only possible with the conviction to compete.
3. How to become a marshal
As mentioned earlier, if you want to become a marshal, you must first be a good soldier, and then you must have the belief to compete, and of course, you need some
luck
。 Whether or not you can become a marshal, you must always be prepared. Even if you are only a soldier now, try to think from the perspective of a marshal, how to lead the whole army. Because when the opportunity comes, there will be no extra time to prepare, and if you want to become a marshal, you must always be prepared.
▏ Children who "can't afford to lose" need to cultivate "blunt sensitivity"
1. As long as there is competition, there will be failure
Competition is the main theme of this society, and there can be no progress without competition. And competition exists not only among adults, but also among children.
Going to school requires competition, the selection of class cadres needs competition, the evaluation of excellence requires competition, and the examination also needs competition
。
As long as there is competition, there will be defeat, no one can guarantee their success forever, as strong as Napoleon, there will also be the Battle of Waterloo, and then a total defeat.
2. There should be no psychology of not being able to afford to lose
Chu and Han contended for hegemony
It is a period of history that everyone is very familiar with, and the two sides of the battle are Liu Bang and Xiang Yu.
In the early stages of the war, Liu Bang was repeatedly defeated, and even his father and wife were taken hostage by Xiang Yu, but Liu Bang did not give up, he repeatedly lost battles, and finally won the battle of Xiaxia. On the other hand, Xiang Yu achieved a huge advantage in the early stage, but he was defeated by Liu Bang under the siege, in fact, Xiang Yu had a chance to make a comeback, but he was unwilling to return to Jiangdong to make plans and chose to commit suicide.
Compared with Liu Bang, Xiang Yu is a model that cannot afford to lose.
3. Blunt sensitivity is very important
As Watanabe writes, blunt sensitivity is important to a person's success. Especially for those who have a mentality of not being able to afford to lose,
What children need is competitiveness, not the negative effects of competition
。 Blunt sensitivity can help children eliminate all kinds of negative factors, so that they do not care about the influence of various gossip, and concentrate on doing things themselves, which makes it easier to succeed.
▏ Parents can cultivate their children's "blunt sensitivity" in this way
1. Improve your child's concentration
Some children will not be able to afford to lose because they care too much about other people's opinions, care too much about their own image in other people's minds, but ignore their own goals.
This is a manifestation of no concentration, if you want to cultivate your child's blunt sensitivity, you must first let your child have concentration, whether successful or not, you must focus on the thing itself, and do not care about other impressions.
2. Appropriately allow children to experience setbacks
Cultivating children's blunt sensitivity is, to a certain extent, cultivating children's ability to resist pressure. If the child has always been a flower in a greenhouse, there is no doubt that his ability to withstand stress is not strong.
It is good to let children experience some setbacks appropriately, just like the revolutionary pioneer Dr. Sun Yat-sen, who had launched many failed uprisings before the success of the Xinhai Revolution. Although these uprisings failed, these setbacks strengthened Dr. Sun Yat-sen's convictions.
3. Enlighten your child at the right time
Of course, after the child is frustrated, parents should enlighten the child in a timely and appropriate manner. Frustrated children are the most vulnerable, the most in need of parental care, and the easiest to listen to their parents' advice. At this time, parents should tell their children not to care too much about the frustration caused by failure, not to care about the snubbed eyes of others, to see this matter as a driving force for progress, and next time it will definitely be successful.
Also in "Where Daddy Goes", Jasper later saw That Hum missed His Father, so he played a game of scissors and stone cloth with him, and deliberately lost to Hum, Jasper lost, but Hum was very happy, as a friend, Jasper was also very happy, and did not care about the game's win or loss.
4. Cultivate the breadth of children's interests
When children are frustrated, when they are under external pressure, they definitely need a certain way to vent. It is difficult for children to digest this bad emotion, so it is important to cultivate a wide range of interests. These interests can help children distract them when they are frustrated, allowing them to quickly come out of their uncomfortable state.
No one can succeed casually, especially in today's huge competitive pressure, if you want your children to succeed, in addition to letting them have strong hard power, blunt sensitivity is also indispensable.
Today's interactive topic: Have you ever had a strong obsession with winning or losing? Does your child cry when he loses a game? How do you handle it? Welcome to leave a message below.
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I am a father of a three-year-old baby, parenting is never an easy task, and every aspect of the baby needs more meticulous care. Everyone who encounters problems in the process of parenting can come to me to discuss and solve them together.
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