Parents play four roles in a child's life

When parents are a long process of exploration, although people are born with some maternal love and fatherly love instincts, they are not born to know how to be parents.

Parenthood is a lifetime of learning, and when the child grows up and is willing to come back to see you, miss you, love you, and respect you, then you will know that as a parent, you have obtained the most precious return, that is, the eternal love of your children.

No matter how the times change, the role of parents mentioned in the article and the nutrients children need to grow up will not change.

Remember the day you became a parent?

The child comes into the world naked with a confused look, he is completely helpless and has no choice, he has given his life to you, let you be his father and mother.

He longs for your love, expects your embrace, and he believes that someone in the world will nurture him with unconditional love.

Parents are like a fortress that can be relied on forever for children.

"When the parents accompany the child, the child will become confident because of the presence of the parents, he will continue to explore, when he feels uneasy, he will look back, see that the parents are still there, he will have the confidence to continue to move forward, even if he falls and is injured, he knows that someone will care about him, will see if he is injured."

Wang Haowei, a psychiatrist, said that this is the picture that comes to children's minds when they think of their parents.

4 roles of parents

The moment you become a parent, you embark on a journey of learning love. And only through companionship and participation can you intersect with your child's life.

After more than two decades of psychological counseling, education scholar Zheng Shiyan found that many children who come to him for consultation do not need consultation and treatment, but a parent who can really be responsible, encourage them, and have expectations for them.

Children want the company of their parents, once the parents are not around the child, they lose the power to dominate the growth of the child, but also lose the ability to give the child a steady stream of warmth.

As children grow, parents also need to metamorphose into different roles, according to psychologists, parents play roughly four different important roles in a child's life, including:

Caregivers, normative, warriors and protectors, and spiritual teachers.

All four roles play a key role in a child's development.

Parents need to highlight a role in particular at certain moments.

From birth to the age of six, parents are the role of caregivers.

According to the Australian parenting expert Bidford, from birth to six years old, it is the child's "learning love stage", and he needs full love and security.

Parents should be able to fully express their feelings for their children, so that children feel safe and valuable.

At the age of six, at the age of twelve, the role of parents as "normative" gradually increased

At this time, it is necessary to establish a norm of behavior for the child in all aspects, but parents should balance the norm with other roles, so as not to be too strict and lose feelings, which will make the child grow up to be afraid of things and dare not make decisions on their own.

At the age of twelve and eighteen, the role of warrior and protector became the focus of parents

Especially fathers, at this stage when the child experiences puberty, the father is relatively important to the son, because the boy will observe the father's every move, and through the father, the boy learns how to become a man.

At this stage, parents must stand with their children on the one hand, helping them face the storms of adolescence that make them almost overwhelmed, and on the other hand, they must help them to fight against the many external forces that lure them astray.

As children reach adulthood, the role of "spiritual teacher" becomes the focus of parents.

At this time, parents can honestly share life experience with their children, and even expose their vulnerable side.

They can listen to their children's struggles, but instead of providing answers to everything, they can "bless" them as spiritual mentors.

The 6 nutrients your child needs the most

Parenthood is a great responsibility, but some parents who give their children the best from an early age may not be able to produce the child they expect, while some parents, despite being poor or even uneducated, can raise happy and excellent children.

According to many studies, education, wealth, and power position have no absolute relationship with whether they can become good parents, and the focus is on whether parents can give their children the most needed nutrients in the process of their children's growth.

From the perspective of the process of children's physical and mental development, the most precious gifts that parents can give their children include:

1. Sense of security:

When a child is born to smell his mother's smell, hear his mother's voice, and heartbeat, he will naturally have a sense of security, and this sense of security will continue until he grows up, and the sense of security can be said to be the main theme of life.

Research by American psychologist Erikson found that babies are born to about one and a half years old, which is the stage of developing a basic sense of trust in people.

As soon as the child is born, parents should always hug and kiss him, respond to the child's eyes, voice, and talk to him, which is the most important beginning of the parent-child relationship. It is also the cornerstone of making children feel safe.

If at this stage, the child's caregiver is often replaced, a babysitter, a grandmother, and then placed in a custody, this unstable state, the child is not easy to develop a basic sense of trust with people, without a sense of trust there is no sense of security, no sense of security is not easy to produce self-confidence.

Professor Zheng Shiyan, an education scholar, especially reminded that if people lack a sense of security from an early age, they will be prone to psychological problems in the future, and the three most serious problems are: uneasiness, sadness, and hostility.

If we throw our children around from an early age, all three of these problems can arise.

If this lack of security is not dealt with until it grows up, it may also evolve into melancholy or violent tendencies.

If parents are unable to take care of their children on their own, at least let the children have a stable caregiver, which may be Aunt Gong or Nanny, but it is best to be with their parents at night.

2. Intimate family atmosphere:

Why are some families able to help their children cope with various problems, but others cannot?

British education scholar Spencer believes that whether the family can give the child strength depends on the closeness of the family's feelings, because no matter what the child encounters outside, the family is always his gas station.

The highest score on the 1989 Academic Orientation Test in the United States fell in South Dakota, causing many people to be curious.

In terms of educational resources, this is the lowest-paid state in the United States and the eighth-lowest resource allocated to each child, but it has the best performance.

They did some research and found that the state had the lowest divorce rate, close family ties, and traditional values.

Huang Kunyan, the founding dean of The National Cheng Kung Yan Medical College, who has long been concerned about Taiwan's education, pointed out the importance of creating a family atmosphere, recalling that after he was a child, he always came home from school around his parents and brothers, who liked to tell stories, and their family entertainment was often to listen to his brother tell stories after dinner.

"Think about how different a night where the whole family is staring at the TV is different from a night when the whole family is reading, drinking tea, and telling stories," Mr. Huang said.

The intimate family atmosphere can be created in a number of ways, such as a pleasant chat at dinner time, do not discipline children at this time.

You can play some family games together, talk to your children about your family's past, work with your children to complete a fun thing, build family traditions and rituals, and so on.

Parents will eventually grow old, but with this close connection with the family, children will inevitably have more strength to face the future.

3. Give your child a good example:

If the focus of school education is to impart knowledge and skills, the core of family education is to cultivate children's good character.

At a time when traditional family structures are disintegrating, social values are chaotic, and the influence of the media is about to surpass teachers, it is becoming increasingly important for parents to play the role of transmitting correct values and conducting character education.

Professor Hong Lan of Yangming University, who often speaks on the theme of education in various places, can see her father's wisdom at any time in her speeches and articles, and from an early age, her father taught her children to live with a positive attitude, not to be extravagant and not wasteful, "If you can go, don't take a car, if you can take a bus, don't take a taxi." ”

When Hong Lan went abroad to study, she only had fifty dollars in her pocket when she got off the plane, but she was not worried or afraid at all, because her father taught her to "raise one mouth for one body", as long as she learned to live a simple life, it was easy to face the future.

His father was a judge and had many opportunities to receive "benefits", but Honglan's father was honest and self-sustaining, and in order to support the family and need to make more money, he resigned as a judge as a lawyer.

Giving a child a good example is the most precious gift to a child.

Because the child learns many things from his parents through imitation from birth, whether you like it or not, your words and deeds are seen in the eyes of the child, and unconsciously internalized into a part of his character and values.

This is why many education scholars remind parents that parents need to be the kind of person they want their children to become. Before educating your child, face yourself.

4. Discover your child's strengths and guide your child's best side:

Parents sometimes have to be like a detective, observing their child's strengths from interacting with their children and guiding him to the best.

Children's strengths are often displayed in many places, and parents can observe what their children are most engaged in, most attentive, and most enjoyable in doing things, which is often the interest.

If parents can give their children a space for the development of interests, and provide him with the assistance and environment he needs, and accompany him to face difficulties when he encounters learning bottlenecks, children can usually cultivate the habits and abilities of active learning, because the motivation comes from their own interests, and the learning effect will be much better than the learning effect of parents and teachers who are reluctantly outside, and they can also develop the habit of lifelong learning.

5. Cultivate healthy habits in children:

Wishing for the health of our children is the wish of all parents, but according to statistics in recent years, our children have shown warning signs of physical and mental health. More than one in five primary school children in Taiwan already have myopia, and nearly a quarter of primary school students are overweight, and the number of children in Taiwan suffering from depression and suicide has been lit up in various surveys.

Parents who lack the concept of health and neglect to cultivate good health habits in their children are making our next generation heading into a crisis of weakened health.

From a very young age, it is an important time to develop healthy habits, for example: from an early age to develop the habit of a balanced diet for children, let children eat more vegetables and fruits, limit the opportunity to eat junk food, drink less sugary drinks, and the chances of children being overweight and tooth decay are much smaller.

Now many families while eating while watching TV, but also the greatest harm to the body and mind, according to many medical studies show that while eating while watching TV children are easy to become small fat, and prone to nutritional imbalance problems.

Parents should also accompany their children to exercise more from an early age, develop the habit of children's exercise, which will surely benefit the children for life, exercise not only helps physical development, but also children who exercise often are more cheerful and flexible, which is helpful to the body and mind and even interpersonal relationships.

Once a parent, knowledge about the health of caring for a child is a compulsory credit, because the health of the child is the foundation of everything.

6. Be the initiator of children's emotions:

The natural love of parents for their children is the best emotional enlightenment for children.

Education scholar Spencer believes that in a person's education, emotions play an important role, morality tells us what to do, reason tells people what to do, and emotions tell people what they are willing to do.

Many wonderful stories and noble behaviors in a child's life come from emotions.

The warm care of parents for others and the appreciation and respect for nature are deeply inspired by children's emotional wisdom.

Parents should always express your love to their children, let him feel your care, and teach him to be grateful and express his emotions.

Psychologist You Gangui feels that parents are sometimes like psychologists, and some words and feelings must be known to the child, so that he feels that "I am willing to delay him in everything, even if he fails, I love him and am willing to help him." ”

Let the family become the living fountain of the child's soul, so that there is an endless stream of vitality within.

When parents are a long process of exploration, although people are born with some maternal love and fatherly love instincts, they are not born to know how to be parents.

Parenthood is a lifetime of learning, and when the child grows up and is willing to come back to see you, miss you, love you, and respect you, then you will know that as a parent, you have obtained the most precious return, that is, the eternal love of your children.

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