Long-term feelings are inseparable from these 3 points

Ten O'Clock Book Club (ID: sdclass)

Author: Zhu Xiaozhu

Text | Zhu Xiaozhu

There was a problem on Zhihu:

"Boyfriend down payment to buy a house plus my name, but ask my parents to pay 180,000 yuan to buy a car too much? No bride price and no wedding now? ”

80% of the people in the comment area exclaimed:

"Where is marriage, this is the deal!"

Seriously, every relationship inevitably encounters such a realistic problem.

But how to face and solve, whether two people stand on the same side, determines whether the relationship can go on.

In the feelings, it is easy to get at first sight, and it is rare to love for a long time

And most good feelings are inseparable: no calculation, no hesitation, no neglect.

Not calculated

"Love Defense War" has such a couple:

Loved for 8 years, but did not get married.

The reason is that Xiao Xin feels that her boyfriend is becoming more and more calculating, which makes her very disappointed and does not want to marry.

In order to be with her boyfriend, after graduation, Xiaoxin followed him back to Chongqing rental house to live, worked to listen to her boyfriend, and worked with him in the gym to do sales.

When Xiao Xin and her boyfriend discussed marriage, the two happily looked after the marriage room, and then took the boyfriend's parents to pay the down payment, and as a result, his parents only brought 2,000 yuan, and Xiao Xin angrily wanted to leave.

Xiao Xin realized afterwards that the wedding house that day was just a play performed by their family of three.

Then, this matter was like a thorn that pierced Xiao Xin, and she did not mention the marriage room anymore.

When the parents saw Xiaoxin dragging herself out of marriage, they told their daughter that if the man did not have money, he could buy a house for her in his hometown, as long as they lived well.

After the boyfriend knows, just like changing a person, as soon as he has time, he runs to XiaoXin's hometown, either sending gifts in large bags or diligently buying vegetables and cooking, but the purpose of his doing so, Xiaoxin has long seen clearly.

The boyfriend pretended to be "filial piety" and let Xiaoxin completely "chill".

Ma Yun once said a marriage testimony:

"What is the algorithm of marriage, do you love me a little more, or do I love you a little more?" Feelings are not clear, and finally it is calculated, this is the best algorithm. ”

In getting along, if you always put your interests in the forefront and calculate everywhere, this relationship is often not long-lasting.

A good relationship, love is the foundation, do not pretend to each other, candid with each other, it seems that it is more real, more precious.

As Wang Xiaobo said:

"I only hope that you and I are good, that we are not jealous of each other, that we do not praise each other, and that you are as peaceful as usual." You talk to me as if you were talking to yourself, and I talk to you as if I were talking to myself. ”

Trees are afraid of hurting roots, people are afraid of being sad, and only by using their hearts and not having to use their feelings can they not be separated.

No hesitation

The movie "Licorice Pizza" has a line:

"When love comes, you don't hesitate and hesitate."

I once saw a story like this:

Wu Li met Zhang Shen through the dating website and quickly established a relationship.

Soon after getting along, they discussed getting married and asked their parents to meet.

When seeing Zhang Mu, Wu Li had no intention of mentioning that she and her mother quarreled, and she was in a bad mood to see a psychologist, but Zhang Mu identified Wu Li as having a "mental illness" because of this matter and accused her fiercely.

Unwilling to be slandered by Mother Zhang, Wu Li immediately went to the hospital for examination, and between the queues, Zhang Shen went to answer a phone call, and then, she became hesitant.

First, he said that his mother was unwell, and then he found a lot of reasons, and finally, he left Wu Li alone in the hospital.

Zhang Shen's doubts and hesitations made Wu Li lose confidence in this feeling.

Originally, he thought he was lucky to meet someone who could work together for a lifetime, but he did not expect that an inadvertent word, an inconclusive thing, would make him more and more distant from himself.

Knowing that the results of the examination were all normal, Zhang Mu deliberately went to the door to persuade Wu Li and Zhang Shen who had been in the Cold War for many days.

After reconciling the two, Wu Li moved to Zhang Shen's home and took care of her boyfriend's daily life.

After 2 years of being attached to each other in this way, Zhang Shen never said the word "marriage".

Every time Wu Li proposed the idea of marriage, he would immediately find various reasons to prevaricate.

"Not being ready" became his natural excuse.

Gradually, Wu Li completely lost hope for this feeling, and finally broke up.

In love, when you see the hesitation of the other party, you have a loss in your heart; when you see the other party's instability in love, you will feel more sad in your heart.

If you really fall in love with someone, you must be brave enough to follow your heart and go all out to be with the person you like.

If you truly love someone, don't hesitate in your feelings.

If you hesitate, he doesn't really love you, so stay away.

Not to ignore

In "21 Days Before Marriage", there is a passage that is particularly heartfelt:

"If there is no birthday, growing up is not marked; without the graduation ceremony, there is no formal beginning of the new journey; the ceremony reminds us where we came from, where we are going, and who we love."

I remembered a weekend morning, my friend Xiaofan suddenly sent me WeChat and said:

"I broke up and I'm going to get depression."

As soon as I kicked the gas over, I asked her what was wrong.

As soon as I entered the door, Xiao Fan hugged me and said:

"Yesterday's birthday, he made all kinds of excuses and said he didn't have time. In fact, he was celebrating the birthday of another friend. ”

Xiao Fan proposed to break up with her boyfriend at that time.

But the boyfriend only perfunctorily explained:

"We are together every day, birthday gifts can also be made up later, friends rarely call me on birthdays, it is not easy to resign."

Xiao Fan's sad memories: In the past 3 years of love, her boyfriend has never given her a festival, and the anniversaries have all been ignored.

This feeling of not being cared for is very sad and sad.

The poet Asbestos said:

"True feelings are casual but caring for each other, comfortable but cherishing each other."

Love or not love is hidden in the details of life, whether you care about it also appears in the bits and pieces of life.

The sense of ceremony is not to play too many tricks, but to hope that it can be remembered and cherished in ordinary days.

In day-to-day life, find a long-lost sense of freshness and belonging.

In the final analysis, the care, heart, and sense of ceremony in the feelings are the real preservatives.

Suzen said:

"I admire a woman who can tear her heart out of love or walk dry and crisp. Walking away is the most priceless luxury in the world, and it is also the self-esteem of the soul. ”

And a long-term relationship is to grow and achieve each other.

In a bland life, have a solid and at ease;

On the days when the water is long, feel the care and warmth.

Author Zhu Xiaozhu, this article was first published in the Ten Point Book Club (ID: sdclass), a new women's growth culture platform, and 3 million small partners to accompany learning, upward growth, reprint please contact the authorization.