In the drama "Dear Child", my least favorite is Xiao Xu, followed by Xie Dan.
I also have to say what kind of luck Fang Yinuo is, the first marriage met a little uncle like Xiao Xu, and the second marriage met a big sister like Xie Dan, which really added a lot of blockage to his marriage for no reason.
Since Xiao Xu has become a thing of the past, we will not mention it for the time being, and what I want to talk about today is Xie Dan.
Xie Dan is not a bad person, of course, she is not a knife mouth tofu heart, she is a very realistic person who is dedicated to her brother. Therefore, she could not accept that her brother, who had never been married, would marry a second-married sister-in-law and raise children for others, so she was dissatisfied with Yinuo.
In fact, from Xie Dan's point of view, everything she did was goodwill, she hoped that her brother was good, and she felt sorry for her brother.
But sometimes, good intentions cause more harm than bad intentions. Because of the harm from malice, you will be able to guard against it, and you can also get moral support, and the harm caused by goodwill, you can't guard against it, you can't even refuse, you obviously don't want it, but you can only passively accept it. If you resist, people will think you don't know what to do.
Who did Shedan hurt?
First of all, she hurt Fang Yinuo.
Before Fang Yinuo married Xie Tianhua, she had many concerns, and she herself knew very well that she was divorced and took her daughter, and she was not a good match for Xie Tianhua. Because of this, she is particularly sensitive to the attitude of the Xie family.
However, the first time Fang Yinuo went to see Xie Tianhua's family, he was cold faced by his sister, which was undoubtedly poured cold water on her, who had a hard time mustering up her courage. It can be said that all the caution she was after marriage had nothing to do with this.
Although Fang Yinuo's attitude has changed after marrying into the Xie family, she still has a strange yin and yang from time to time, she suspects that Fang Yinuo is lazy and does not cook, and she suspects that her mother praises Hehe and does not praise her children, in short, she stares at Fang Yinuo everywhere, like an "evil mother-in-law" who is always looking for stubble.
Do you think that in such a state, Can Fang Yinuo feel better in his heart? Although she said it on her lips, she knew that Xie Dan was a good person, but whoever she changed would be sad to be picked up every day and said to her face that she was dissatisfied.
The reason why Fang Yinuo was able to accept and tolerate Xie Dan's attitude was that she also agreed with Xie Dan's ideas in her heart, and she herself felt that she was not worthy of Xie Tianhua. And this is precisely the biggest harm to her.
Secondly, she also hurt Xie Tianhua.
Xie Dan did all this for Xie Tianhua's good, because Xie Tianhua was her younger brother. But the good in this world has always been divided into two kinds, one is that you feel good, and the other is that others think you are good.
Xie Tianhua wants to be good, that is, to be able to be with Fang Yinuo, to love each other well, and to live a good life. He liked Fang Yinuo, liked it for many years, watched her get married and divorced, and now that he had such an opportunity, he certainly couldn't ask for it.
And Xie Dan thinks it is good that Xie Tianhua should marry a girl who has never been married, no matter what the family situation is, no matter what the appearance, at the very least, he does not have to raise children for others.
Therefore, for Fang Yinuo with the child, Xie Dan was of course dissatisfied. Especially later, the child brought by Fang Yinuo was still sick, xie Tianhua needed to exhaust the money to treat her, and Xie Dan was even more worthless for his brother. This is why Xie Dan always emphasizes that Hehe is not a child of the Xie family.
But these are what Xie Tianhua wants, when a person always wants to destroy the things you cherish, and tries every means to give you things you don't like, even if she has great kindness, it is also a kind of harm.
Kindness, why does it cause harm?
Each of us, trapped in our own logic, insists on doing what we think is right.
In Shedan's heart, she thinks of her brother, and she wants him to have a better marriage and family, which is nothing wrong. Not only Xie Dan, in fact, many big sisters in our lives are also like this, may be used to playing a "caregiver" role since childhood, and after each has a family, he always takes taking care of his brother as his responsibility.
But they overlook the fact that couples are the ones who are closest to each other. Before your brother gets married, you can give him some advice on what kind of love and marriage he chooses, and once he has made a decision, it is his own business, and you should no longer interfere with his feelings and marriage.
Like Xie Dan, her brother and sister-in-law are already married, and she still targets her sister-in-law everywhere on the grounds that her sister-in-law is not worthy of her brother, that is, to add to the blockage of her brother, but also to the whole big family. She herself felt that she had done the right thing, that she was full of good intentions, but that would do nothing better than make herself happy for her brother's marriage.
She insisted on what she thought was good, but it hurt her brother's happiness, and this was the harm caused by her kindness. What is even more frightening is that such a person, she is often difficult to change her logic, she will not feel that she has lost her measure, managed the things that should not be managed, and will only think that others are not appreciative.
And what about those who passively accept this "good"? He will also persuade himself and his lover, she is for our own good, we should understand, which in turn indirectly promotes the self-consistency of the other party's logic, so that the other party thinks that they are doing the right thing. In this way, this situation will continue for a long time, eventually causing more harm.
How can this harm be avoided?
The first is that everyone should have a clear understanding and positioning of family relationships.
Traditional concepts always feel that blood is greater than everything, so many big sisters like Xie Dan, under the banner of "for your own good", interfere with their brother's small family extremely domineeringly, thinking that they and their brothers are a family, and their sisters-in-law have become outsiders, which is the extreme ambiguity of the cognition and positioning of family relations.
In fact, no matter how good the feelings between sisters and brothers are, after they have a family, they also need a sense of boundaries, especially for each other's spouses, it must be clear that they are a family, and you should not try to interfere with or provoke the relationship between their husband and wife. Only by clarifying such a family orientation can you establish the correct logic and behavior.
Secondly, those who are interfered with must also strengthen their own position and attitude.
It is undeniable that Xie Tianhua is a very good man, but only when facing his sister Xie Dan, his attitude is very difficult to say. Every time Xie Dan sneered at the other party, Xie Tianhua hid to the side without saying a word, and in the face of the words that Xie Dan said that rejected Fang Yinuo and Hehe, he only refuted a few words, and did not resolutely stop them.
This also indirectly encourages Xie Dan's interference behavior, and will also lay hidden dangers for his own happiness. We can always be determined to resist malice, but it is difficult to refuse this kind of well-intentioned interference, which is one of the important reasons why good intentions hurt more than evil. But many times, if you don't have a firm position and attitude, this state will not stop.
In short, we can affirm the kindness of family members who care for each other and think of each other, but we must also resolutely reject this excessive interference that has lost the sense of boundaries. Especially in marriage, we must always remember that the relationship between husband and wife is the first of all family relationships, and it is also the most intimate relationship among all relationships.
Only in this way can we each play our best in the right place. In order to make your good, become really good.
About the author: Meet and miss, a woman who likes to read and write, focusing on the creation of articles in the emotional field and the analysis and answer of emotional questions, I hope that my words can accompany you warmly forward.