The hit TV series "Dear Kids" ushered in the grand finale.
About the marriage crisis, about the fertility dilemma, about the redemption of human nature, I believe that everyone has seen it many times elsewhere.
This drama is a very delicate drama, and it is also my favorite type. That is, all members and everyone has their own good and evil, and no one is 100% good, and no one is a pure evil person.
Everyone has selfishness in their goodness, and there is also conscience in greed, which is true human nature.
What I want to discuss today is a character who has been ignored and insulted - Xiao Xu.
As soon as Xiao Xu appeared, he was like a bug.
No bones in general, slumped on the couch playing games. People in their twenties still have to hold their mothers and let them cook for him.
The image of the whole person is the appearance of not being able to support the wall, breaking the jar and breaking the can, and dying without a face. Across the screen, they all wanted to reach out and kick him in the foot.
I don't know if everyone has noticed that Xiao Xu's "Chinese-style little son" is not an isolated case.
Maybe others think that such a child does not give a face to the face, and they do not argue with the white pain.
In fact, all this is not their original intention, they may face the problem of their whole life, that is, their inferiority and transcendence.
1
The sensible boss is not a loser
In "Dear Child", the elder brother Xiao Xu is the appearance of the big brother in the typical Chinese family.
His ability is superior to his brother's, and he is willing to actively balance the family's affairs. Especially in families where dad is absent, he takes on the role of "dad" in a family.
As for his irresponsibility of small families and the messing up of the marriage, that is another topic that is not the focus of our discussion today.
The first child in the family, after birth, he enjoyed the life of an only child for several years and enjoyed the full attention of his parents.
After a few years of having younger siblings, he will inevitably feel "lost".
Lost the attention of parents, lost the opportunity to be willful, lost the total gaze.
The easiest thing for children to do to cope with such a change is to pretend to be sensible and pretend to be a little adult.
Share the worries of your parents, look like an adult, as if you don't need anything, in order to regain the approval of your parents.
Behind the "sensible boss", it often means forbearance and often means grievances.
So, is the second eldest a natural winner?
Of course not.
All the gifts in this world have long been marked with prices, but we often don't see that price tag.
Xiao Xu did get more love and care from his mother, but because of this, he also degenerated his limbs and became a giant baby.
Xiao Lu is indeed the boss of understanding, but he also has more opportunities for independence and more room for growth.
In many multi-child families, we will find this law - the children are either very competitive, or the eldest is more productive than the second.
If everything is exchanged for equal value, then the achievement and independence of the boss are "bought" with grievances and understanding. The second eldest's pampering and favoritism are "bought" with non-independence and inferiority.
2
The incompetence of the second eldest is a reward for the mother
When parents have their first child, they often carry their own young and fleshly expectations, and the desire to hope for a son to become a dragon is even stronger.
Therefore, the first child often pays more attention to career success and self-worth.
But when having a second child, the focus of parents will shift to the family, and they will feel that the companionship and dependence of their children are the source of happiness.
In the same family, parents have different expectations for their two children.
The boss needs good grades to be recognized. The second brother only needs to be cute and cute to make his parents happy.
In "Dear Child", Xiao Xu is often seen holding his mother and playing with him, and he often sees that he takes the initiative to need his mother's call.
The mother went to serve the daughter-in-law for the confinement, and she could not let go of her giant baby.
I have to go back once a week to cook for Xiao Xu, wash clothes, and clean up the house. Xiao Xu was like a moth, turning his home into a garbage dump, and it didn't matter if the noodles grew hair inside.
Under the "helplessness", the mother can only take her young son and continue to serve the confinement.
The name is "not more than a pair of chopsticks", in fact, she is enjoying no boundaries, enjoying the happiness of being needed.
This is the mother's love for the young son, and it is also the manifestation of the young son's reluctance to leave when he realizes that his mother needs his dependence.
We can imagine that if a child held his mother and said, "Mom, I want to eat sweet and sour ribs", would this person be the eldest or the second?
Basically, it must be something that the second eldest did.
Of course, parents will say that they hope that the second brother is also independent and does not always rely on his side.
Subconsciously, however, they don't want their children to leave them.
Loving and afraid, longing for distance and enjoying no boundaries, is the entanglement of parents for their youngest son.
3
Rank young and old, facing inferiority and transcendence
Parents want their youngest son to be by their side, and they always say to them, "Look at your brother and sister."
This invisible blow breeds their sense of inferiority.
They want to surpass their older siblings, but they are often spoiled and lose the opportunity to show their fists.
The same was true of Xiao Xu.
He was always cheated on one after another, each time in the name of "making a lot of money".
As long as someone takes a little set and tells him that he can make a lot of money by investing tens of thousands, he will immediately jump into the pit. Stealing my mother's passbook and borrowing usurious loans must also be done.
He kept saying: This time, I must make my brother and my mother look up to me.
In order to get rid of his inferiority, in order to make people look good, he always denied his weakness and longed to do big things.
This is the inferiority that children in the ranks of the old and young will face all their lives.
Another example is Zhou Bingkun in "The World of Man", among the three children of the Zhou family, the eldest and second are admitted to Peking University, the eldest is the son-in-law of the secretary of the municipal party committee and the governor, and the second is the wife of a famous professor and poet.
Only Zhou Bingkun has been hiding around his parents and trying to live his ordinary life.
But in his heart, he has always been inferior and strong.
Guarding his brother who was a high official, he rarely opened his mouth to ask for help. In difficult times, he gritted his teeth and carried it alone.
He has always wanted to get ahead, and he has worked hard to make money, running his own restaurant and bookstore, hoping that his parents and family will look up to him.
Zhou Bingkun responds to the needs of his friends around him, even if it is at the expense of his own interests, he must help them.
Because from these things, he can feel his sense of worth and calm his inferiority complex.
Most of the children in the rankings under the sky have to face their own inferiority and transcendence.
In the finale of "Dear Child", the director gave Xiao Xu a good ending, he borrowed a loan shark to do micro-business and was deceived, and did not dare to go home.
After knowing that his brother and mother had paid him back, he came back cheekily.
This time, my mother told him: As long as you work hard and don't make a lot of money, you are still my good son.
After receiving such recognition, Xiao Xu may have slowly embarked on his own path of transcendence.
So, what is their transcendence?
It is to give up the idea of "doing it for others to see" and giving up the idea of "surpassing brothers and sisters".
Focus only on your own life and no longer compare yourself with others.
My brother and sister are strong, and I am not bad. Even if my career is not as successful as theirs, I still have my own little world.
Beyond the competitive heart, beyond their own inferiority.
No one wants to "give face not face", every child wants to give back the love of their parents the best, but they may not be able to face their own hearts.
Parents do not require the eldest son to be sensible and not spoil the youngest son, which is a difficult and necessary subject in many children's families.