It is possible to keep adolescent children from rebelling.
But how to understand this "maybe" also requires us to have a more objective understanding of "adolescence" and "rebellious period".
In fact, it does not need to be too complicated, it must be analyzed from the perspective of physiological and psychological development, we can simply understand that puberty is a stage that human beings must go through normal growth and development.
At this stage, the child will develop more quickly from physical to psychological to cognitive and other aspects.
This is actually "adolescence".
The so-called "rebellious period" is because at this stage of adolescence, because of the child's cognitive growth, it is easy to "conflict" with the surrounding environment such as family, society and school.
Adults often try to limit and control these problems, after all, there are indeed some understandings and manifestations that are inappropriate in the eyes of "people who have come over".
But at this stage, children often behave as "soft and hard not to eat", which will make adults very distressed.
In the eyes of adults, the change of children from "listening to their words" to "disobedience" or even having to do the opposite is naturally "rebellion".
In my opinion, "rebellious period" is more like using the "negative performance" of many manifestations of adolescence (in the eyes of adults) to emotionally redefine the originally "neutral" description of "adolescence".
Of course, although the redefinition is one-sided, it objectively presents the parent-child contradiction that is relatively common at this stage.
But isn't it true that children enter puberty and are bound to rebel?
There is a possibility.
For example, we do find or hear from some parents that their children have reached the age of "adolescence" but have not shown rebellion.
For this question we need to look at it like this:
1. Adolescent ≠ rebellion;
2. Not rebellious ≠ agree.
Theoretically, parents respect and understand children enough, and the environment in which children grow up from an early age is more democratic and positive, that is, children's ideas, opinions, performances, etc. can be understood by parents, and parents rarely or even almost do not use "reason" and "authority" to discipline children, then when children enter puberty in such an atmosphere, there may indeed be no basis for "tantrums".
If this feeling as a human being can no longer be imagined, can we imagine if we had a friend who was very tolerant, understanding, trusted, and supportive of us, would we be angry with them casually? Not only will it not, but even sometimes we know that our friends are doing wrong and thinking wrong, and we may take the initiative to understand them...
Therefore, those so-called children who do not show rebellion are likely to be better at self-control, but if parents are sensitive enough, they should be able to see some clues from the child's emotions, attitudes and behaviors.
In the face of children's rebellious performance, most parents will be more distressed, anger, sadness, disappointment, worry, anxiety... All the negative and negative words we can think of together don't seem to be enough to explain that mood.
But unfortunately, the probability of this thing being able to get away with it is extremely low.
There is actually no good solution to the problem - all the theories and methods that you see in practice will find it very difficult to implement.
For example, the simplest "understanding", "communication", "listening", etc., the child will not give you this opportunity at all, and will choke you without talking to you, in this case, what can you do with the rich theory?
We all know that parents at this stage should "keep their mouths shut", but looking at the performance and development trend of their children, how many parents can really remain calm?
But this thing is really no way, this is not usually we have a conflict with others, and then who apologizes for the matter is basically solved so simple, the child's puberty will last for a long time, and there may be repetition during this period.
The likelihood that other people's suggestions and methods will be used and will really be useful is extremely low, so I have a few suggestions for this:
01 Do your homework in adolescence.
Regardless of whether the child has reached puberty, it is still necessary for parents to understand puberty more comprehensively and deeply.
There are several advantages to this, one is that we will consciously adjust some of our daily words and deeds, and the other is to do a good job of psychological construction for ourselves - we will better understand the many manifestations of children, which will also change our attitude and way of solving some problems.
Listening to lectures, reading books, and looking at methods can be done, but it should be noted that these "learning" themselves are not to let us master how many skills to fight with children, but to enable us to better understand children and help children.
This starting point is still very important, it will directly affect the choice of way we implement it and the final effect.
02What to do before the rebellion?
As far as possible to improve our family education environment, give children more respect, understanding and trust, other aspects will not be said, in the learning is recommended to guide children's positive learning attitude and cultivate children's independent learning ability as soon as possible.
Children into adolescence parents are generally prone to distress and worry about the main is learning, if the child has a better foundation in the learning attitude, cognition and habits before, then even if it is really rebellious, the impact on learning will not be too big.
03What if you have rebelled?
Here I still have three suggestions for parents' reference:
The first is to keep your mouth shut.
Especially when you know that your child can't listen, don't listen, and don't care, don't do it again and again. In fact, a lot of the controversy at this stage itself is meaningless - even if it is some wrong cognition, don't look at the child's insistence now, in fact, soon they may make their own changes, but at this stage, if the parents change strongly, it is easy to strengthen the child's insistence on this cognition.
Therefore, non-principled issues can be "endured" by "forbearance."
The second is the use of external forces.
Especially the child's teacher or other elders who trust, generally speaking, there are more rebellious parents in adolescence, and there are fewer rebellious teachers and other people, and parents can try to see it at this point.
The last thing is to make yourself positive and optimistic first.
First of all, the family atmosphere and environment are built, which is simply to let the child live in a more comfortable and positive environment, so that even if you have some negative energy, it will be weakened.
In the face of this problem, parents should be prepared to "fight a protracted war", do not hide when encountered, after all, they cannot hide, it is inevitable to get angry, and spit and vent with friends or other parents, and they still have to show a positive attitude when facing their children again - although they may still get a cold face.
Adolescence will pass, rebellion will end, especially rebellion, depends largely on how we deal with our children's performance at this stage.