Yesterday I went to the supermarket to meet a mother with a very high emotional intelligence, and when she lost her temper with her child, her handling method made me praise, and when the mother took her daughter through the toy area, the child saw the Barbie doll on the shelf and wanted a Barbie doll.
The mother did not want to buy for her, ready to go to other districts to buy things, the child began to be unhappy, she stood in the toy area and refused to go, and even dragged her mother not to let the mother go, the mouth also chanted: "You don't buy me I will not go home, you are not my biological mother", I thought that the mother would kill her, did not expect the mother to squat down very gently, looking at the child's eyes and asking her:
"Baby, mom knows you lost your temper with mom because of a Barbie doll, we already have three Barbie dolls in the family, mom took you out today and didn't bring enough money to buy a Barbie doll, the price of a Barbie doll requires Dad to work overtime on the weekend, don't you want Dad to go out with you to play, buy a Barbie doll Dad can't go out with you, do you still want Barbie dolls now?"
The child understood the mother's words, pounced in the mother's arms and said to the mother: "Mom is sorry, I don't want a Barbie doll", the mother wiped the tears for the child, the two people left, the way the mother handled the child's tantrums made me very impressed, it was a textbook-level way of handling.
What do you do with your child's daily tantrums?
Children's tantrums are common things, do not let play mobile phones, do not let watch TV, do not let eat chocolate, etc. may become the cause of children's tantrums, when children lose their temper, how parents deal with it is particularly important, most parents will use two methods when their children lose their temper: with the child to do and follow the child.
Many parents feel that the child's temper is unreasonable, can not get used to the child, otherwise the child will definitely be more and more excessive in the future, put forward more unreasonable requirements, so the parents' attitude when the child loses his temper is to work with the child, resolutely can not follow the child, the parents will lead to the child's negative emotions can not be alleviated, the child's emotions have been backlogged, resulting in the child becomes irritable, but also affect the parent-child relationship.
Some families in the child tantrums will follow the child, especially the grandparents with the child's family, the child tantrum will follow the child, feel that the child's requirements are not a big deal, so that the child will only become more intense, more and more requirements, there is no benefit to the child's future interpersonal interactions, our family used to lose my temper in the fruit when my husband and I will follow her, as long as she does not cry and do not make trouble, we can work with peace of mind, and then I chatted with a children's doctor, the doctor said: It is wrong to follow the child and to work with the child, and when the child loses his temper, the parents' way of dealing with it will determine the child's personality. ”
What should parents do when a child loses his temper?
1. Accept your child's emotions
Cai Kangyong once said: "High emotional intelligence does not mean not to lose temper, but to lose your temper reasonably, so that your emotions can be expressed smoothly, and you can be comfortable with yourself, so that you and the world can be happy." ”
Many parents feel that the child's tantrum is out of their control, feel disappointed in the child, I have a friend is like this, she sees the child's tantrum and wants to beat the child, because she feels that the child's tantrum is to break her expectations, she can only accept the daughter's well-behaved look, in fact, this is not right, the child's tantrum is a very normal thing, parents should accept the child's emotions, reduce their expectations of the child, only in this way can they have the patience to help the child solve bad emotions.
2. Empathize with your child
When Hu Ke participated in the variety show, his son Xiaoyu'er wanted to take away a very beloved toy, but the program regulations were that it could not be taken away, Xiaoyu'er collapsed and cried, Hu Ke looked at the child who collapsed and cried, and said to him: "I know that you want this toy very much, and now you can't take it home, you feel a little sad, but this is the rule..."
When Xiaoyu'er had a negative emotion of fear, Hu Ke told him: "I know you are a little scared, but you are very good and brave, you persevered, right?" ”
Parents can empathize with their children when their children have negative emotions, so that children understand that parents know my emotions, and the three words "I know" can make children understand that the original parents understand his mood and care about his mood, so that he can release his emotions to the fullest.
3. Be more patient with your child
When the child loses his temper, parents should have more patience and understanding for the child, rather than rushing to give the child reasoning, we can think in a different position, when we lose our temper, if others are reasonable, do we listen to it? The answer is almost always unheard of, adults can't do it, why ask children to do it?
Parents can be more patient with their children, guide children to express their emotions, in the variety show, Jia Jingwen's daughter Ya Wei suddenly resisted her mother, did not sleep at noon, sat on the ground and cried, refused to learn to sing, disliked her mother, pushed her sister to the ground, some parents may feel that the child is disobedient and loses her temper at this time, directly beat the child, Jia Jingwen did not do this, she was very gentle to hold The sound, ask her: Are you tired, right, hearing this, the child began to cry, the child who lost his temper disappeared.
Parents can guide children to learn to correctly express negative emotions, so that children can not be affected by negative emotions, if negative emotions have been piled up, children may have emotional collapse or some psychological problems, some children have too many negative emotions, the body will also appear emotional somatization reaction, such as stomach diseases and panic attacks and other issues.
4. Guide children to accept emotions and deal with emotions
Parents can not always accompany the child, help the child to ease the emotions, the child may have negative emotions anywhere in the future, such as fear, jealousy, anxiety, depression, etc., the best way for parents to deal with it is to guide the child to accept their negative emotions and learn to deal with negative emotions.