Many problems in marriage are often caused by improper handling of the husband and wife, after all, the living habits of the two people are different, the lifestyles of the two families are different, and they often gradually have problems in the process of running-in, which eventually leads to the accumulation of contradictions and eventually breaks out, causing the rupture of marital feelings.
For parents, always want to give the best to the child, but also want to let the child live happily, live happily, but many times because of the improper way, or too much care about their own ideas, so that the child is sandwiched in the middle is difficult to deal with, but it brings a lot of trouble to the child, especially when the two families live together, this family concept will be easier and easier to show.
50-year-old aunt: After the daughter has children, don't take care of it with her relatives, affect the mentality, and feel unwilling for her daughter
I am 50 years old this year, my daughter has now been married for two years, and has a child, because it is far married, so I am always relieved in my heart, there is only one daughter in the family, I always want to take care of my daughter, afraid that my daughter is not good in my in-laws' house, before I still have a daily phone call, I ask my daughter for warmth, but as time goes by, I also feel worried, plus sometimes I see my daughter's busy figure, I want to go to my daughter's house to live for a while, take care of my daughter.
But after I told my daughter about my idea, my daughter said that her mother-in-law is also living at home now, and she is also taking care of the lives of the couple, and the child's mother-in-law is also taking care of it, but in the end, the in-laws are not easy to refuse, so I took things to my daughter's home.
According to my idea, the family is a three-bedroom and two-hall house, or enough to live, and I am not a permanent resident, probably live for a period of time to go back, and do not need my daughter to prepare anything for herself, I can prepare everything, so I brought my own daily necessities, brought a bed and a quilt to my daughter's home, however, this experience did not come according to my ideas, and even led to a lot of unhappiness.
When I first arrived at my daughter's house, I felt a sense of strangeness, and although my daughter's mother-in-law also showed a very happy and joyful appearance after arriving at home, she still said a sentence that made me very embarrassed:
"Didn't you say you couldn't come?" I'll take care of it here, it's not convenient for you to come so far away, why did you still bring a quilt, pro-family, are you planning to live here permanently? ”
I was also embarrassed after hearing it, because before I came, my daughter had already told her family that she would stay for a while, but she didn't think that this would happen.
Then because the daughter is at home, so quickly entered the door, the daughter's enthusiasm makes me feel a lot of warmth, my own daughter has not seen for a long time, but also missed, the daughter pulled me to talk about her own life, said about the various troubles after the birth of the child, the eyes have been flashing tears, the unhappiness and troubles in their hearts have been confided in me, these have made me sad and sad.
Maybe our mother and daughter have been chatting for a long time, maybe the sound of our daughter's close crying was heard, and the mother also came with the child in her arms:
"Don't worry about hurting your big girl, I didn't let her be wronged, I didn't make her cry and tired, I'm busier this day, this you're here, I can still relax a little."
The mother's words were also with some complaints, which also made me quickly smile and accept it, and wanted to hold the child, but just wanted to reach out, the mother avoided saying:
"You take a shower and then hug it, you've been outside all day, and you have bacteria on your body, so let's wash and change your clothes first."
Hearing the words of the mother, I could only smile awkwardly, did not go to hold the child again, so in the evening, when I ate at night, I wanted to feed the child something, but the mother was in the middle, no matter what I fed, she would protect, not let me feed, from time to time said:
"Dear family, my eldest grandson can't eat this, but pick, you know it after a few days with him, he can pick what he feeds at the dinner table, he can eat nothing, I'll feed it, you eat it quickly, you're a guest, you have to eat well."
I don't know if my mother really can't speak, or if she said it on purpose, or if I thought so in my heart, every word made me feel very uncomfortable, but I didn't want to bring a quarrel to my daughter on the first day, so I smiled and accepted, but my daughter was still angry and retorted:
"Mom, my mother also came to my daughter's house, I am a guest, and the child is so small, pick what to pick, give what to eat, and then get used to it."
My daughter's words also made me feel a little relieved, but I still smiled and said:
"It's okay, the child is used to it, it's okay, wait for the big one, don't get used to it, let's eat it."
In fact, I was also worried about the quarrel at home, after eating I also cleaned up the dishes, cleaned up, my daughter wanted to help during the period, but I refused, after a person cleaned up, I chatted with my daughter and son-in-law for a while, casually asked about things in life, things at work, this day passed like this.
The next day at six o'clock in the morning, I got up to prepare breakfast, boiled white porridge, and fried a small dish, afraid of delaying my son-in-law's work, so I prepared it early, and at seven o'clock I went to ask my daughter to get up, but what I didn't expect was that I prepared four people's meals, but only my daughter ate, and my mother got up and said:
"Dear family, don't be busy in the future, don't cook at home in the morning, there is yogurt in the refrigerator, there are buns downstairs, fritters, and when you throw away the garbage in the morning, you will buy breakfast by the way."
My mother's words still embarrassed me so much, I said:
"Okay, I'm also thinking about buying and spending money, boiling a white porridge in the morning, eating with vegetables, first do this today, tomorrow I will get up in the morning to buy."
Although it was a little uncomfortable, in order not to quarrel with the family, I still accepted the advice of my relatives, although my daughter has been relieving my embarrassment, but it is difficult to make up for the discomfort in my heart.
Maybe the breakfast thing is a little awkward, then this day's things will make me feel dissatisfied, after eating in the morning, the daughter went back to the room to make up for sleep, the son-in-law went to work, I began to clean up the dishes, clean up the room, and the mother is taking care of the child, for me always seems to feel a little strange, always cleaning the room, cleaning, seeing that it is almost noon, began to prepare lunch.
Although the process was very busy, the mother did not want to come to help.
At lunch, because of the saltiness of the dish, these mothers said some dissatisfaction, and in general, all of this made me feel uncomfortable.
In the afternoon, life was business as usual, taking advantage of the warmth at noon, my daughter took me out with my children, while my mother did not go and stayed at home, which is the happiest time I have been in the past two days.
When I got home, my mother still hugged the child, and then I started preparing dinner again.
The next few days will be like this, I will be preparing meals almost every day, and I will become a "nanny" alive, and my daughter will laugh at the dinner table and say:
"Mom, you see you come in addition to cooking and cleaning, you don't have to be busy, before you came, you were all mother-in-law cooking, mother-in-law craftsmanship is good, you let her show you a hand, you accompany the child."
But the mother also said:
"Okay, I'll do it for you tomorrow, your daughter, it's a pain in your heart, and you're much busier than you are for a day when you don't come to me."
Although it was all a joke, I heard the dissatisfaction of my mother and laughed to end the topic.
In the daughter's home for about half a month, I was also ready to go back, when I went back to the quilt I originally wanted to stay in my daughter's house, the next time I came, I didn't have to bring it, so I folded it up and put it in the guest room, but the mother didn't know whether it was deliberate or well-intentioned, and specially packed up the quilt for me, and packed it up for my son-in-law to send me, I originally wanted to say not to take it, but I still endured it, although in the end the daughter said that the quilt was not taken, and only stayed at home.
On the way home, in fact, my heart is complicated, for the experience of this time, I would like to say:
After the daughter has children, don't take care of it with the family, feel unwilling for the daughter, feel wronged for yourself, live together, feel that the in-laws only have their grandchildren in the eyes of the in-laws, my daughter is difficult to be taken care of, and although I live together, but still will be regarded as an outsider, whether it is to take care of the grandson, or to take care of the daughter, have to care about the views and vision of the family, living in the daughter's home does not feel that they are guests, but also feel that they are a family, it is really not practical, I am also not happy, I am not willing to let my daughter have a child for them, but now there is no one to take care of them at home, after all, my daughter is also my heart.
Now I can only negotiate with my daughter, and then when her mother-in-law returns home, I will take care of her again, after all, she can still make decisions between husband and wife, but if she has her mother-in-law, it will be difficult for her daughter to make decisions at home.
Write at the end:
Aunt Zhou's experience seems to be encountered in the lives of many people, not only will there be contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but there will also be some contradictions between many relatives and relatives, although it is a family, but sometimes it is difficult to become a family, which has led to a lot of quarrels.
But no matter what, we must be good at ourselves, understand each other, be more tolerant, and respect more, so that we can make life move in a better direction, what do you think?