The British female writer Daphne Du mullier said: "Happiness is not a valuable possession, but a state of mind, a state of mind. ”
What kind of state of mind you have means what kind of life you can live.
We are all ordinary people among all sentient beings, and whether we can embrace happiness in ordinary and trivial days depends on our words and deeds when our emotions fluctuate.
Lin Qingxuan once said: "The mind that turns with the state is a mortal, and the state that turns with the heart is a sage." ”
Deeply.
Emotions fluctuate with changes in the environment, or control emotions to change the environment, reflecting our different life patterns.
The Ming Dynasty literary scholar Chen Jiru mentioned in the "Little Window Youji": Do not take advantage of joy and light promises, do not be angry because of drunkenness, do not take advantage of the fast and eventful, and do not end up tired.
This concise and clear wake-up call to the "four no's" of life warns us not to be swayed by emotions and to influence life.
【1】
Don't take pleasure and make a promise.
Master Li Shutong once said: "In the midst of prosperity, do not allow characters; in the midst of anger, do not answer people's books." ”
Don't promise to give someone anything when you're particularly happy, and don't reply to someone's letter when you're very angry.
More difficult than the latter is the former.
After all, when people are extremely happy, it is easy to agree to promises that others can't do, but they damage their own credibility.
I once watched a story on a certain platform about a person who complained that his cousin didn't count when he spoke.
His cousin worked in a state-owned enterprise, and after more than ten years of hard work, he was finally promoted to a middle-level leader and held the purchasing power of the unit.
He specially went to his cousin's house with gifts to congratulate him, and his cousin was particularly happy to pull him to chat, saying that he had finally come to his bitter end.
So he proposed to his cousin that he wanted to participate in the procurement bidding of his cousin's unit, and his cousin agreed, saying that this was a trivial matter.
Originally thought that with the help of his cousin this time, his business that had been sluggish for many years could flourish, but he did not pass the qualification examination.
He was so angry that he immediately called his cousin and asked him if he had promised to be good, why couldn't he do it?
The cousin explained in a low voice that although he was in charge of procurement, the bidding matter was not decided by one person, so he could not do anything about it.
He thinks that his cousin does not keep his promise, in fact, the biggest mistake of his cousin is that he should not promise under the joy!
Liu Zongzhou, a Confucian master of the Ming Dynasty, said in the "Records of Human Genealogy and Volume": "Words of joy are more untrustworthy; words of anger are more disembodied." ”
In a state of particular excitement, it is easy to get hot-headed, overestimate their own abilities, and easily make promises to others, or agree to others' requests.
When the promise cannot be fulfilled, it will not only disappoint others, but also lead to being degraded by others behind their backs.
Even if we are happy, we must maintain a rational mind, and we must agree to what we can promise, and we must explicitly reject what we cannot promise.
This is the maintenance of the relationship between each other, but also a kind of protection for themselves.
【2】
Do not be angry with drunkenness.
I once heard an exhortation from a person who loves to drink: "Drinking, drinking is enjoyment, drinking too much, some are uncomfortable for themselves, some are not only uncomfortable for themselves, but also make others uncomfortable." ”
When people are normal and sober, they have their own measure to speak and do things, but after drinking, many people can't control themselves.
Some people borrow wine to pour sorrow, some people go crazy because of wine, and what is even more excessive is that some people vent their emotions without scruples when they are drunk.
"I've really had enough of my wife!" If you don't let me drink, don't even give pocket money! ”
This is a sentence that I heard the man at the next table shouting when I was having dinner with my girlfriend last week, and I couldn't help but look at this man more.
A woman next to the man then said, "You really are!" You earn your own money, why let your wife manage it? ”
A sentence made the man's mood more excited, and while drinking a large glass of wine on his neck, he continued to accuse his wife of not being good here or there.
Some of the people at that table were recording videos with their mobile phones, some were fanning the flames, and some were watching jokes.
When I was preparing to check out with my girlfriend, I saw a woman rush to the man's side and slap him in the face, frightening everyone at the table into speechless!
The woman was so angry that she pulled on the man's collar and scolded: "Look at what friends you have made?" Persuading you to drink and making you scold me, right? divorce! Go for a divorce tomorrow! ”
The man was a little sober, bowed his head and apologized to his wife: "Wife, you are here!" Let's go home! ”
I don't know if when a man wakes up drunk, will he regret his words in public?
We all know that drinking is pleasant, drinking is hurting.
But there are always people who can't control their hands holding the wine glass, and when they drink too much, they have to "borrow wine and go crazy" and vent out the words that they usually can't say.
As everyone knows, these words hurt others, and in the end, it is myself who is regurgitated.
Try not to drink, drink less, even if you drink, you must keep a clear head, and you can't say anything you want.
After all, don't wait until the moment you wake up to understand that some things are difficult to turn back, and some people are difficult to recover.
【3】
Don't take advantage of the fast and eventful.
There is a saying in the Tao Te Ching: "There is no dispute between husbands and wives, so the world cannot compete with them." ”
How many people who can't see through the world always want to sharpen their heads and scramble to grab the latter, lest they fall behind.
As everyone knows, the more we scramble, the easier it is to breed incidents, and the more we get away with it, the easier it is to lose more.
I have seen a news that on the city's elevated highway, a small car is constantly changing lanes in the traffic, which is obviously very unsafe.
Sure enough, at an exit, the car crashed into a van that was about to get off the elevated road, causing both cars to flip over to the outside of the guardrail.
No matter how urgent things are, no matter how important life is, the same reason, no matter how good the reason, is not an excuse to try to be quick.
Colleague Xiao Wu has an impatient personality, and the tasks assigned by the leader can be completed within one week, and he must do it within three days.
Therefore, there are often quarrels with people in the same group, everyone thinks that slow work makes small work, but Xiao Wu thinks that it is completed first and then perfect.
As a result, the last project, because Xiao Wu wanted to submit the task earlier than another group, there was a vulnerability in the system.
Xiao Wu, as the person who audited, did not find it at all, and finally led to the project having no way to close, and the company lost nearly one million.
The big leader was so angry that he trained Xiao Wu fiercely, and he also defended himself very aggrievedly: "I just want to finish it as soon as possible!" ”
The meal must be chewed and swallowed slowly bite by bite, which is conducive to the absorption of the body; things must be done step by step in a meticulous and practical manner in order to be done satisfactorily and effectively.
Don't mess things up in order to compare yourself with others, and remember the lesson of "if you want to be fast, you can't reach it".
Patience, sink your heart, according to your own rhythm, focus on every step, we will do things beautifully.
Any chase and scramble is not only not worth advocating, but everyone should always be vigilant about themselves.
You know, we should pay more attention to quality than speed, and only doing good things is the ultimate goal.
【4】
Don't end up tired.
In the collection of maxims compiled by the hermits of the late Ming and early Qing dynasties, the Jian Xin Lu (Jian Xin Lu) says: "The thief who strives to start and slackens at the beginning is also a thief who cultivates karma." ”
Whether it is academic or career, or even the success of the family business, it requires perseverance and perseverance from beginning to end.
It is an eternal truth that those who give up halfway because of burnout cannot succeed.
Some time ago, a literary friend approached me on WeChat and asked me if I was still writing?
I said I was writing, I've been writing for more than four years, and I've never given up writing, because I really like to write and I'm willing to write until I'm old.
After expressing her admiration for me, she said that she had also been enthusiastic about learning to write, but she couldn't stick to it for three months.
Every day to be busy with housework with children, there is no fixed writing time is just that, the most important thing is that I can't write a new article, resulting in myself not wanting to write.
Obviously, she was only one step away from earning the manuscript fee, but she gave up on herself because she didn't want to insist on writing day after day.
I shared with her what I did when I was tired and asked if she would like to pick up her pen again and write?
She thought about it and said forget it, now that her child is in junior high school, she needs more time to accompany her, as for her writing dream, it is still sealed in her heart.
It is a very normal thing to feel tired because of insisting on doing one thing, and people who can overcome tiredness and grit their teeth and persist can do it with a beginning and an end.
There is a saying in the Book of Poetry: "There is no beginning, but there is an end." ”
Not a thing at the beginning, will definitely be able to do the end, which requires us to continue to improve, but also need to persevere to the end of the determination and perseverance.
Really, only by keeping in mind the principle of "starting carefully and respecting the end" can we get more possibilities of success.