"In the World" has such a scene: Zhou Bingyi and Hao Dongmei, who have been separated in two places for many years, both want to go to the city where each other lives.
As a result, because of the lack of timely communication, which caused a misunderstanding, Hao Dongmei was transferred from her favorite post.
During that time, Hao Dongmei's temper was very explosive, and no matter what Zhou Bingyi said, she was frantic.
Zhou Bingyi, who had a good temper before, could not help but wonder: "Dongmei, are you menopausal?" ”
This conflict is the most serious quarrel between Bingyi and Dongmei since they got married, and the two even mentioned divorce.
For such a scene in the play, someone said: "If there is a child, it will be solved." ”
But Xiaobian does not think so.
Zhou Bingyi and Hao Dongmei's marriage did go wrong, but this problem had little to do with the children.
Before analyzing the problems of Bingyi and Dongmei, let's first compare Bingkun and ZhengJuan.
01. Why can Bing Kun and Zheng Juan love each other until they are old?
You see Bingkun and Zheng Juan, compared to Bingyi and Dongmei, the conditions for these two people are not good.
Bingkun is average, timid, and stubborn, and although Zheng Juan is beautiful, capable, and virtuous, her family conditions are very poor, and she also has a child.
Could it be that these two people can grow old with their heads in vain, all by the maintenance of Zhou Cong and Zhou Nan?
Whether it is Zhou Cong or Zhou Nan, when the child grows up, he will leave his parents, and it is the couple who ultimately determines the quality of marriage.
If a marriage is sustained solely by children, then the day the child leaves home may be the day the husband and wife break up.
This is why some families in modern society have disintegrated after their children's college entrance examinations.
The reason why Bingkun and Zheng Juan are sweeter and sweeter is that they need each other.
When she first got married, Zhou's mother was paralyzed in bed and needed to be taken care of, and Bingkun was in a difficult situation of "putting down work and no money to spend, and letting go of the family can't take care of the elderly".
The appearance of Zheng Juan solved his problem.
At that time, Zheng Juan, dragging a blind brother and a child waiting to be fed, had no financial resources, and was with Bingkun, solving the worries of her life.
The combination of Bingkun and ZhengJuan is the combination of "1+1>2", which is a combination of clear dependence on each other in the division of labor.
After so many years of marriage, the burden of family economy has actually been on Bingkun.
It is Bingkun's efforts and self-motivation that give Zheng Juan the guarantee of life.
Zheng Juan's new bicycle was stolen in the yard, and Bingkun asked Zheng Juan: "Are you still worried about the car?" ”
How did Zheng Juan respond?
She said, "What's the point of not having a car?" Don't I still have you? Are you still afraid of not having a car? ”
Zheng Juan said that this was confident, because Bingkun gave her a sense of security.
Zheng Juan was a very smart person, but, for various practical reasons, in that era, she was not good at making money.
In the years when Bingkun was imprisoned, the way she could think of making money was to sell roasted sweet potatoes and buns.
Her attitude towards life is right, and her strength is touching, but from a realistic point of view, if it were not for the help of Dongmei and Zhou Rong, it would be difficult for her to provide Zhou Cong with her own reading.
This determines that Zheng Juan cannot do without Bingkun.
And Bingkun, in fact, is inseparable from Zheng Juan.
When watching the TV series, there are many viewers who are complaining about Bingkun:
"After washing your feet, don't you pour water?" Waiting for the daughter-in-law to fall? ”
"Zheng Juan is not at home, and no one even cleans up the dishes?" Still have to wait for her to come back and pack up? ”
In the marriage of Bingkun and Zheng Juan, Bingkun did not do housework very little.
But Zheng Juan's efforts are not loss, she took good care of Bingkun at the same time, but also cultivated Bingkun's dependence on her.
In the play, the elderly Bingkun, Zheng Juan and Zhou Rong eat together, and Bingkun naturally says to Zheng Juan, who is sitting across the table: "Daughter-in-law, you give me a piece of meat." ”
At that time, Zhou Rong laughed and taunted Bingkun: "You haven't eaten?" I still have to be clipped! ”
Zheng Juan agreed with a look of enjoyment and clipped the meat into Bingkun's bowl.
The whole process is so tacit that there is no trace of performance.
In addition to proving the good acting skills of the actors in the play, this also proves how indispensable Zheng Juan is in Bingkun's life.
If one day Zheng Juan is gone, Bingkun's pain is no less than that of breaking his hand and foot...
02, what is Hao Dongmei thinking?
On the other hand, the marriage between Bingyi and Hao Dongmei lacks such a viscous sense of dependence and a tacit understanding of tight seams.
Zhou Dad, this person, is very insightful about people and things, but there is one thing he still misjudged before he died.
He once hinted at Bingyi, the men of the Zhou family, whether it was himself or Bingkun, could have the final say in the small family, only Bingyi, in front of Dongmei, did a small low.
In fact, Zhou Dad saw the surface.
The marriage between Bingyi and Dongmei has always been Bingyi leading Dongmei.
However, the intellectuals' expression is more euphemistic, not as direct as Bingkun shouting "daughter-in-law, give me a piece of meat" as Bingkun did to Zheng Juan.
The reason why Bingyi, who was born in the civilian class, was able to lead Hao Dongmei, who came from a high-cadre family, was because both in terms of IQ and emotional intelligence, Bingyi was able to directly crush Hao Dongmei.
Dongmei's parents failed to go to the Zhou family as agreed in advance, and Dongmei was very angry, and it was Bingyi who advised her not to clash with her parents after returning home.
When Dongmei and her parents have a conflict, it is Bingyi who reconciles in the middle.
Later, in the handling of those major events and serious matters, there was a lot of dialogue between Bingyi and Dongmei's parents, and they would directly bypass Hao Dongmei.
Even the matter of Bingyi holding hands and hugging a Russian beauty abroad was directly solved by Dongmei's mother finding Bingyi.
Winter plum is protected, at the same time, it is also isolated.
Dongmei is not as good as Bingyi in terms of talent and learning, and she does not have the big pattern of her parents, but she is not stupid.
She has the sensitivity and alertness of a woman.
After her parents died one after another, Dongmei found it emotionally difficult to leave Bingyi, but Bingyi's life would not seem to be good without her.
So, she panicked.
Panic to the extreme, you have to express it through "doing".
She was weird about Bingyi's yin and yang, counting her own sacrifices over the years, she complained that in this marriage, she did not have "self", she even blurted out "Let's divorce, Zhou Bingyi!" ”
All this is to let Bingyi see her!
She hopes that after the sentence "Let's divorce", Bingyi can show a weak side and say: "Without you, what can I do?" ”
But Bingyi's answer was: "Then listen to you!" ”
All the painful torments of Dongmei, the stubbornness that seems to be screwed, all collapsed after Bingyi said that he had stomach cancer.
When Dongmei grabbed Bingyi's clothes, she cried bitterly: "Zhou Bingyi, why?" Why can't you listen to me? "It brings tears to one's eyes."
Perhaps, at this moment, Dongmei finally felt that she was needed by Bingyi, leaving her wife who was a doctor, and the weak patient Zhou Bingyi really couldn't do it!
However, there is not much time left for the two to be together...
She hated why Bingyi didn't tell her about her illness earlier, she hated herself even more, how could she be so selfish, only when she heard that her husband was sick, did she find a sense of existence!
03, the stability of marriage is determined by not only the advantages of both husband and wife
Bingyi and Dongmei were the intellectuals of that era, and intellectuals were often at the forefront of the times.
Their marital problems can be used to explain many of the marriage problems of young people today.
Husband and wife, which one to take out, the conditions are not bad, interpersonal relations are good, put the two together, but the chicken flies and jumps.
At the end of the day, it's because couples lack the need for each other.
I have always disagreed with the advice of some emotional mentors to young people:
"The sense of security is not given by others, it is given to yourself."
"He goes out to play, you go to play, you can't get married without your own world!"
Indeed, we cannot lose ourselves in marriage.
But if a person's ego is too inflated and needs to be highlighted all the time, then, in fact, he does not need a partner.
Many times, the stability of marriage is determined not only by the advantages of each husband and wife; on the contrary, they have their own shortcomings, and the shortcomings of one party can be compensated by the other.
Just like Bing kun and Zheng Juan, who leaves whom, the quality of life and mental state will be greatly reduced.
Also like Zhou Rong and Cai Xiaoguang: Cai Xiaoguang's powerful emotional intelligence system in handling interpersonal relationships just fills the gap in this regard of Zhou Rong; and Zhou Rong's bookish temperament satisfies Cai Xiaoguang's adherence to the purest part of human nature...
So, are children important to marriage?
Definitely important.
But the importance of children is different for each couple.
At least for Zhou Bingyi, who has the heart of the world, the regret of "no children" is not enough to shake the marriage.
As long as he and Dongmei find the right way to get along, without children, they will also stand on the long bridge in the rain and say the most moving words, so that the audience is moved to a mess...