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Princess Teacher
Founder of Yuelai Yue Ai
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Women want to make themselves
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Counselor: Hello teacher, I have something to tell you, I have been married for 8 years and have not had children. It is also because of this matter that I feel that my husband has disliked me from the beginning of his love to now, and he feels that I have done nothing wrong. Even if I drag the floor at home, he can find you some stubble. I feel very tired now, I feel like I can't walk anymore. And I have not been pregnant, his family is also very anxious, always come to urge, and the mother-in-law has always been weird on me, the words are particularly irritating to me, I feel particularly uncomfortable.
Counselor: And my mother-in-law has always said that I have a problem and can't get pregnant. For this matter, we often quarreled.
Teacher Wang: What is the reason for that?
Counselor: I didn't know if I was pregnant, and their family insisted that I had a problem. But I feel that pregnancy is a matter of two people, why insist on me, and then we went to the hospital for examination, and the result was that I didn't have too much of a problem, but my husband had a problem, not very healthy.
Teacher Wang: In this case, your husband should consider going to treatment.
Counselor: Yes, I thought I would let him go to therapy, but he felt that he didn't want to face this matter, didn't admit that he had a problem, including my mother-in-law didn't believe it, just thought that her son must have no problem, because he was with me, I didn't take good care of him, and said I Kefu You know, I was particularly sad at that time. My mother-in-law was present when she said this, and he didn't help me at all.
Teacher Wang: The key question is that you have already gone to the hospital for examination, the doctor has clearly said that you have no problem, it is your husband's problem, your in-laws are so unreasonable, why can they still deny this situation and push it on you?
Counselor: My mother-in-law is that kind of person, just didn't care to stir up three points, you know, even if it is the son's problem is because I did not take care of it, and then my husband did not protect me at all, and said me, let me not provoke my mother-in-law to be angry.
Teacher Wang: So what is your biggest contradiction now?
Counselor: Now I feel that the relationship between the two of us is almost gone, I have a heavy atmosphere in this house every day, and he is not willing to talk to me more. Because I was married from afar, our eating habits were not the same in both places, and he actually said that this was also a reason that affected his body. I have always stressed that the responsibility for his physical problems is also very large.
Teacher Wang: This is his problem, many men look strong and strong, the quality of that aspect can not keep up with some, said that you did not take good care of him, he himself is also an adult, and not a child, do you still have to feed him milk powder? So are you guys now on the point of breaking up?
Counselor: There is no breakup, but I am now in this family all day long mood is very heavy, I almost did not laugh, I want to ask the teacher how to change this situation, I think the husband and wife are obviously a heart, face the problem together, why he always treats me as a problem I do not understand.
Teacher Princess: Honey, there will be a few points in this. The first point, in this relationship, there must be a problem with the relationship between you, in any family, if the relationship between husband and wife is relatively close, the influence of the mother-in-law must be small, but if your husband and wife relationship is not close enough, then the mother-in-law's words, or her participation will have a great impact on you, so your emotional foundation in the marriage is relatively weak. Now we have to look at the problem of feelings, is there no in the beginning, or is there no later?
Counselor: At the beginning it was good, but then it was gradually gone, especially in the 7th year when there was no child, and the mother-in-law began to urge it all the time, and I couldn't get pregnant.
Teacher Wang: This situation is especially in the northern cities, and it is true that many families will feel that it would be a pity not to have children, but why doesn't the man make efforts and do not reflect in this process? In this way, his approach is also problematic. If it's really because you can't conceive, they can talk about you, but this matter is obviously your husband's problem is not you.
Counselor: I understand what you mean, that is, I feel that the two of them are now unreasonable, so they have to put the responsibility on me, and I let him go to the treatment and he will not go.
Teacher Wang: I ask you if you have a job now?
Consultant: I don't have a job, I'm used to it, and the usual expenses are given by my husband.
Teacher Wang: Why don't you work when you are young? Do you know why your mother-in-law and your husband are treating you this way now? There are times when every woman in our marriage has her own value, and when your value is high, they are less afraid to do something more out of the ordinary for you. Even if you don't have children now, if you are better in all aspects, such as economic independence, independent thinking, good image, and good relationship, they don't dare to be brazen in front of you, understand?
Consultant: Teacher, you are right.
Teacher Wang: So the first question you have now is definitely not ok without a job, understand? You are equivalent to eating white rice at home, many mothers-in-law are very despised by the daughter-in-law who eats white rice, you watch many TV dramas are like this, in the face of eating white rice daughter-in-law and mother-in-law simply look down. You said that if you have a child, you can understand that you have to take a baby, but you don't have children, which is the first problem.
Teacher Wang: The second question is, how much does the husband and wife usually have a common language?
Consultant: Especially rare.
Teacher Wang: This is also a question, so does he have any improper contacts with other members of the opposite sex now?
Consultant: I didn't find this.
Teacher Wang: Okay, I think it's not right for people to say that you are naturally wrong, but we also have to reflect on whether we are good enough in this marriage. If we were strong enough ourselves, they wouldn't be able to kick your nose in the face like you did. The foundation of your feelings is now declining, at first he may think that you are beautiful as spending money to support the family is OK, but it is not OKAY for a long time, he will begin to analyze the pros and cons, if all the money in this family is out of him, he will feel unbalanced, but many men will not say it, he will express his feelings through some behavior, such as not communicating with you much, ignoring you. So if that's still the case, if it doesn't change, it's going to be a big problem.
Teacher Wang: So when there is such an obvious card point in the marriage, we must make changes in time, we can't have the idea of partnering to live a life, once it becomes a partner to live a life, there is no passion and no communication, at this time, men's needs can not be met, it is easy to go outside to find. Many people think that it is the woman outside who causes the breakdown of the marriage, but in fact, the core reason is that there is a problem with the foundation of your feelings, and the person outside is actually just a fuse, because our foundation is too weak.
Teacher Wang: So a very important point now is how we want to make changes, you see if you can't conceive a child is obviously his problem, but they must say that it is your problem, then there is a big communication problem between you. You haven't expressed each other's thoughts clearly to each other, so the most important thing for you now is to break through the communication barrier and establish an emotional connection with him. Usually in life, it is recommended that you often give him appreciation and praise, and to achieve a higher expression of emotional intelligence, and then find a way to increase the common language between husband and wife, these are what you want to improve, the problem of pregnancy is only the appearance, not the core, the core or the problem of the emotional foundation, to first find a way to maintain your feelings, other problems will naturally be alleviated.
Marriage requires us to be attentive to each other.