Friends, I am a psychological consultant of the Gansu Provincial Women's Federation, a national second-level psychological counselor, Zhou Zhiling, and the president of the Gansu Women's and Children's Psychological Counseling Association.
Recently, information about the epidemic has touched the hearts of each and every one of us. There are generally some panic, anxiety, nervousness, worry and other emotions. An outbreak has changed the lives of almost all families, and children have to attend classes at home. Therefore, I have also received many private messages from parents, saying that because of the epidemic, the children in the family have been exposed to electronic products for too much time, and they have become a headache for "Internet addicted teenagers".
According to the concept put forward in the "Theory and Practice of Addiction Medicine", Internet addiction is a group of behavioral addictions that cause individuals to lose control of the Internet for various reasons, compulsively use the Internet frequently, and are addicted to online activities that are difficult to get rid of, thereby damaging the individual's psychosomatic health and social function. This includes not only game addiction, but also various media platforms, such as WeChat, Weibo, Douyin, QQ, etc. According to the Internet Addiction Scale (IAT), in China, 10.2% of adolescents aged 13-18 use the Internet moderately and 0.6% are severely addicted, compared with 1.83% in the UK, the incidence of Internet addiction in China is higher by 5%-10%. And the epidemic has made this proportion even more serious!
In 2018, the World Health Organization for the first time classified "game addiction" as a mental illness, with the "aggravation" of adolescent Internet addiction, adolescents may appear depression, anxiety, paranoia, impulsiveness, compulsion and other mental and psychological disorders and behavioral problems, need to seek medical treatment in time.
A few days ago, a friend told me that it was so difficult to take children during the epidemic. I asked her how she took the baby? Friends said that she was really broken, worried that the child would not pay attention to the lesson, almost every half an hour, she would push the door in to supervise. Once she saw the child snoozing, or stealing snacks, she would not be able to control her emotions, count the children, and then simply move a chair to supervise him. The children in the next door are also studying at home, but they are quiet and orderly. On the other end of the phone, my friend was indignant and very incomprehensible; but after I listened, instead of sympathizing with her, I sympathized with the child a little. The friend is indeed accompanying the child on the surface, and he has done everything in detail and done his best. But she didn't realize that her companionship was done in the wrong way, not only suffocating the child, but also making herself feel miserable.
Below, let's first talk about why children are addicted to the Internet.
In addition to the school's policy of "suspension of classes and non-stop learning", the objective reasons why children have to use electronic products to punch cards to learn, the poor self-control ability of adolescents, and the value of their own existence on the Internet are also very important reasons. But the most important thing is the lack of family education.
Due to changes in children's brains and mental structures, they are prone to anxiety. At the same time, it also suffers from pressure from parents, school and society, which can easily cause insomnia, emotional depression, and even emotional fluctuations and abnormal behavior.
Adolescents at this time often have the following psychological characteristics:
01
Aggressive impulses
At this stage of development, adolescents begin to become more and more independent and will gradually show aggression. In online games, they can release their subconscious attack impulses by playing and killing, achieving the same cathartic effect as participating in confrontational sports such as basketball and football.
02
Explore the needs of the world
In the stage of adolescent development, they begin to learn to detach themselves from the dependence of the family and explore the outside world, presenting a contradictory state that requires independence and desires dependence. On the Internet, teenagers can see a lot of fresh information beyond the physical environment around them, and they can learn about the outside world through the Internet, so the Internet has an irresistible attraction to them.
03
Establish self-identity
Establishing self-identity, that is, building self-identity, teenagers will gradually form a perception of themselves during this period: "What kind of person am I?" "In real life, teenagers are often subject to various rules, wearing school uniforms and combing hairstyles, and the online world gives them room for change. Making self-evident statements, doing maverick things, and freely setting up your own character nicknames and appearances in the game can meet the needs of teenagers seeking uniqueness.
An education expert once said: "Excellent children are the fruits of quality education, and problem children are the products of problem families." "Parents' wrong way of companionship may ruin their children's efforts and potential." All in all, accompanying children is about strategy, and "quality" is far more important than quantity. Companionship is not the same as companionship.
But all those children who are academically excellent, mentally healthy, confident and independent, and rich in heart. Most of their parents do one thing – high-quality companionship. The company of parents is the highest level of family education. Whether parents will accompany them, the future of the child is a huge gap.
So, what are the inappropriate behaviors that parents have in their company?
Patience is too poor to control the emotions.
Warm atmosphere, harmonious parent-child relationship is the premise of family education, but also the background of companionship; tantrums at every turn, impatient companionship, will become a dose of "poison" in the growth of children.
Preach at every turn
In the process of communicating with their children, many parents like to preach and reason with a condescending attitude. Reasoning is actually a kind of authority, ignoring the child's feelings, just hoping that the child can obey. The result is that the more reasonable the parents are, the more hysterical the children will be, and even bored with their parents.
Disturb children often
Many parents are either for the good of their children or lack trust in their children, in short, when the children are concentrated, they like to disturb their children every three to five. This can easily lead to the child's attention that has just been concentrated, which is inadvertently destroyed by the parents.
04
Expect too much and put pressure on your child
Accompanying a child is not only to make him get good grades on the test; nor is it that no matter how much effort and attention we put in, we will definitely get the same reward. So you may wish to calm your mind and treat companionship as an unparalleled journey to grow up with your child.
What should parents do?
Parents need to correctly understand and look at their children's adolescence.
Before learning how to guide their children to surf the Internet properly, parents need to properly understand and view their children's adolescence. In addition, as adolescents grow older, it is more difficult for adolescents to learn, is the child left alone, and does he feel inferior or guilty about it?
The network can buffer the parent-child conflict
It is difficult to solve the child's rebellion from the root, and parents should learn to tolerate the child's rebellion and respect their own ideas, rather than asking the child to grow exactly according to your wishes.
If parents can give their children freedom and children can feel the tolerance of parents, they may take the initiative to establish communication channels with parents and talk to parents about their pressure and confusion.
Make rules for your child to surf the Internet
In the process of teenagers going online, parents need to play a guiding role. After communication, the two sides negotiated a practical plan, which can not only ensure that the child can surf the Internet safely and standardly, but also give the child enough autonomy.
When accompanying parents, they should regard themselves as a good listener to their children and listen to their children's inner thoughts. Only by taking equality and respect as the premise, and communicating with children face-to-face and heart-to-heart like friends, can we truly build emotional bridges. The highest level of parental accompaniment to children is to open up the child's new world, expand the child's thinking, and broaden the child's vision; the child is still young, many ideas are not mature, and they are not comprehensive enough, and what parents have to do is to guide the child to think from multiple angles and contact new knowledge. Such companionship is fulfilling, rewarding and valuable.
Warm tips: Of course, if we find that children are gradually addicted to the Internet, become bored with school, rebellious, and even change their temperament, we should pay attention to and seek the help of professional doctors in time to scientifically truncate addictive diseases.
Friends, there is not a winter that cannot be overcome, and there is no spring that will not come. Confidence is gold. In the end, we will succeed in defeating this catastrophe. Tell yourself that if you have a firm belief in victory, the virus will be defeated, and as long as we work together, the difficulties will always pass.
Gansu Provincial Women's Federation Psychological Public Welfare Hotline During the Epidemic: 0931-2660670.
Contributed by the Rights and Interests Department of the Provincial Women's Federation
Propaganda Department of the Provincial Women's Federation
Produced by the Provincial Women's Federation Network and New Media Center