The ancients said: "The horse dares to be a unicorn, and the jackdaw can match the phoenix." This sentence refers to the ancient marriage that pays attention to the door. Since the concept of marriage can be passed down after thousands of years of wind and rain baptism, and is still respected by many people, it must have a reason for its existence.
But today, in the eyes of many young men and women, the concept of door-to-door rightness, which is both pedantic and snobbish, is a dross that should be discarded. What "good women do not marry, good men do not climb high", are floating clouds. They put Zhang Ailing's words in "Half Life": "In fact, you should know that love is not worth asking whether it is worth it." "Enshrined as a guideline.
I think that as long as there is love between two people, everything else can be left alone. In fact, as Charlotte Brontë said in "Jane Eyre": "Love is a game, and it must always be inseparable and evenly matched with the other party in order to rely on each other for a long time." Because opponents who are too strong are exhausting, and opponents who are too weak are tiresome. ”
The love of equal strength must come from the growing environment of the door-to-door pair. We're not saying that a marriage with the wrong door will not be happy, but at least the process must be difficult and the success rate is too low. Is it worth it to use the happiness of the second half of your life to fight for that very small probability? Obviously, in the beginning, we can avoid it, because each of us can choose a love that is evenly matched, and that is the best model for marriage.
01. Love does not need to be door-to-door, but marriage is needed
Wang Sheng was born in a poor peasant family, and due to his mother's physical problems, even though his father was very hard and industrious, he could only barely feed himself. At first, his parents expected Wang Sheng to study well, go out of the farm, and improve family conditions. But Wang Sheng is not the material for reading, as soon as he listens to the teacher's lecture, his brain hurts. So after barely finishing junior high school, I followed the villagers out to work.
They are all villagers, because he is young, and everyone takes good care of him. That's it, until I was 30 years old. Conditions at home have indeed improved, but only in general. Speaking from the heart, Wang Sheng's marriage should actually find a girl with a similar background to his growth background, so that the three views of the two can be consistent and have a common language. But he met Chen Yan, a female doctor with fairly good family conditions.
Chen Yan is a city girl, as an only child, coupled with the rich family conditions, she has been pampered by her parents and raised. And in academics, I have always been very smooth. It can be said that Chen Yan's smoothness from childhood to adulthood makes her "ignorant of the world" like a child, and her sense of security is extremely high. And such a person, love can be greater than everything.
Therefore, she and Wang Sheng will come together. Because Wang Sheng was different from the people around her, although he didn't speak any big truth, he was very good at talking and could always make Chen Yan laugh. Wang Sheng's mouth that has been mixed up in the pile of people for many years is simply overkill in the pursuit of a girl who is "not familiar with the world".
02. Good women do not marry, good men do not climb high
The two fell in love like this, which can be described as vigorous. Of course, this relationship was unanimously opposed by the families of both sides. Although Wang Sheng's parents also hope that their son can marry a capable wife and can struggle for ten years less, they really met, and the parents who really love their son are actually clear in their hearts. Gao Pan's marriage will always be a dwarf.
Besides, now that the two have a good relationship, they will naturally tolerate each other. Once the passion fades, people who are completely two worlds have no common language. Wang Sheng said that he can work hard to make progress and try to keep up with Chen Yan's footsteps. But parents say that there are some things that cannot be done by hard work.
Chen Yan's parents naturally told their daughter about the big truth that the door is not right and the future life cannot be long. But Chen Yan, who was immersed in love, could not listen. The two insisted on getting married, and finally came to the process of talking about marriage. Considering the boyfriend's family situation, Chen Yan only needs a dowry of 10,000, and then the marriage room or the wedding is borne by the woman.
To put it simply, it is a junior high school education, the family is ordinary, only took 10,000 yuan dowry, married a wife with a doctoral degree, as well as a marriage room and a wedding. Although the marriage room does not have his name, if he relies on his own ability, he may not be able to live in such a good house in this life. At that time, whether it was his friends or relatives, everyone envied him, and he himself felt that as long as he worked hard, such a life would be a lifetime.
03. Marriages with wrong doors are doomed to be difficult
The days after marriage were not as happy as Wang Sheng's expectations, nor were they as happy as Chen Yan imagined. In fact, shortly after their marriage, the two felt that their parents' original worries might be right.
After getting married, Wang Sheng entered the company of the old man, and then embarrassing things followed. Let him be the management, his education and ability are not enough, the whole person is still timid. It is a little inappropriate to let him start with miscellaneous work. To do technology, even if someone is willing to teach, because of the academic problem, he can hardly understand. Wang Sheng actually worked hard enough, but he still couldn't, so he was very tormented in the company.
In life, his relationship with Chen Yan actually had problems. Originally, in love, the two would tolerate each other and give in, after all, it was not the second time. But living under the same roof, getting along day and night, the problem arises. Wang Sheng has a heavy taste and likes thick oil and red sauce, even if he used to be poor, coarse tea and light rice, he also likes Chinese dining. But Chen Yan likes Western-style, not only likes milk bread for breakfast, but also basically eats Western-style for lunch and dinner.
So the occasional compromise in love, amplified after marriage, both are tired, but eating habits, for a while and a half will be difficult to change. In addition to the differences in diet, daily living habits are even more out of place. Wang Sheng felt that he had loved clean enough, but he still couldn't accept his wife's request.
When you come out of the house, you have to change your coat to wash, you have to take a bath in the winter, and you can't go into the bedroom without washing; after taking a bath, you can't touch anything outside the bedroom; not to mention the classification of laundry. Such a thing, Wang Sheng was overwhelmed, he felt that he had been so many years ago, not according to Chen Yan's standards, wasn't his life also very comfortable?
If these are just family affairs, they can also be solved from the inside, then integrating into each other's life circle makes Wang Sheng even more miserable. To put it simply, every time Chen Yan took him to some dinner, although he dressed up and dressed up, he was similar to the other party, but as long as he opened his mouth, the difference was great. And he couldn't keep his mouth shut at all, because he basically couldn't understand it. Chen Yan urged him to study and integrate as soon as possible, but Wang Sheng had more than enough and lacked strength.
It has only been half a year since they got married, and Wang Sheng and Chen Yan, a couple who insist on getting married, have already begun to regret it in their hearts. Wang Sheng understood his parents' original worries, remembering that although he used to live an ordinary life, he spoke hard, and now although he ate and wore without worry, he really felt inferior. He also finally believed that some things could not be done by hard work.
04. The end of the story
As the days passed, Wang Sheng missed his previous life more and more, and he wanted to divorce. He knew that divorce now might make him a joke, but at least there was a chance to change. If you don't divorce, then your life may always be in a state of resignation, or when Chen Yan can't stand it, she will be divorced.
Psychologist Karen said: The biggest gap between people is not status, rich and poor, education or beauty and ugliness, but values. This sentence is used in marriage, in fact, it is the door to the door. Two people whose values are too different, if they choose to enter marriage, the trivialities in life will drive both people crazy. And in fact, maybe neither of them is wrong, it's just not suitable for marriage.
In the TV series "The Marriage of the Two of Us", there is a classic line: "Marriage and love are not the same, love is only two people, one world, but there are many people in marriage, the whole world, love can afford to lose, marriage can not afford to lose." "Deeply believed, do not simply equate love with marriage, although love is the foundation of marriage, it is not the only foundation.
It must be remembered that marriage and love are not the same, love is emotional, and it may indeed not need to be a door-to-door pair, but marriage is rational and needs a door-to-door pair. Because the door is the right family, it is possible to create similar three views and circles. Only two people with similar three views and circles can have the same pace after marriage and the happiness rate will be higher.
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