According to the survey results of China Youth Daily, since the mainland fully liberalized the two-child policy in 2016, the number of "two-child" families has increased sharply, and 70% of "two-child" families have eccentricity. And the remaining 30% of the families, many of them are just better disguised.
6-year-old Xiaoice was originally the only child in the family, and his parents only focused on him on weekdays, and in the past, when there were delicious and fun things in the family, they would give him priority. However, the arrival of my sister two years ago completely broke this state.
"Every time my mother cooks my sister's meal first, sometimes she will feed my sister first, and then she will start to prepare food for me", Xiaoice talking about my parents' love for my sister, it was gushing and full of grievances. However, mother Linlin did not really pay attention to it, thinking that it was just that the child did not adapt to the original exclusive pet becoming today's "rain and dew evenly dipped".
Until two days ago, Linlin went downstairs to get the package, let her son help take care of her sister, and before leaving the door, she gave her a small piece of cake to eat in order to coax her daughter.
At that time Xiaoice was already very unhappy: "Mom, I want cake too!" Lin Lin did not hesitate to return: "There is only one piece of cake in the family, my sister is still young, you are a brother, how can you not let your sister?" ”
"But she can't eat so much", seeing her son retort, Linlin was a little angry: "My sister still wants to eat at noon, and I will buy it for you tomorrow!" "After saying that, I went out.
Unexpectedly, I took the courier back, and as soon as I opened the door, I saw my daughter crying in the living room, and the cake all fell on the floor. "Why did my sister cry?" What is the cake again", hearing her mother's scolding, Xiaoice directly threw the toy down, while going back to her room while saying: "I threw it, I don't have a cake, she doesn't want to eat it!" "And after returning to the room, I also locked the door."
It wasn't until the husband bought the cake after work for a long time that the son came out of the room. After this incident, LinLin realized that they didn't seem to really achieve "rain and dew", and her son's resentment was already so deep!
Professor Li Meijin, a well-known psychologist, once pointed out: "Nowadays, many parents do not have the idea of preferring sons to daughters, and they feel that they are not biased. But eccentricity is not gendered. ”
This sentence of hers precisely points out the "new eccentricity" that has a high rate of existence today.
"New eccentricity" is widespread, and many parents don't know it!
Traditional bias is mainly a preference for specific genders, such as the well-known "son preference", which is the traditional idea of eccentricity. The new eccentricity has emerged from the mainland's opening up of the "two-child policy" and even the "three-child policy" gradually implemented this year.
The new eccentricity is not limited to gender, after all, the backward idea of "son preference" has now been abandoned by many young parents. Generally speaking, as mentioned above Xiaoice the difference between his parents' treatment of two children requires him to tolerate his younger sister at every turn, completely ignoring Xiaoice thoughts.
In turn, some parents are more favored because their first child is accompanied for a long time. These behaviors make parents who think that they do not have the idea of "son preference" more unburdened eccentricity, and the negative impact on the psychology of children is more difficult to estimate.
Confucius mentioned in the Analects of Ji: "Do not suffer from widowhood but from inequality." ”
This sentence is put into the "new eccentric" concept of education, the most direct embodiment is "I prefer the big treasure", "or the small treasure is deep in my heart" and other favored actions.
And under this concept of partial preference, it not only has a negative impact on the children who are not favored, but also on the children who are favored!
For families with two or more children, how should parents balance the relationship?
In the book "Even if the family will hurt people, love still exists", it is said: "Every parent will find more or less commonality or preference with a child, and if they cannot find themselves biased and corrected in time, family development is unhealthy." ”
That is to say, parents can find the shining points of their children, but they should treat each child with the same attitude, look for the unique shining points of each child, and give the same love and encouragement. Moreover, do not compare children, protect children's self-esteem, and make children better with an appreciative and encouraging mentality.
And when children make mistakes or perform well can be praised and rewarded, it is necessary to achieve "a bowl of water flat" and treat all people equally. Whether it is punishment or reward, there can be no particularity. Even if it is only the degree of eating and wearing on weekdays, it is necessary to be consistent and not to have eccentric behavior.
"Kong Rong let the pear" is certainly a virtue, but if the child is unwilling, parents should not force or be harsh. Only when parents give their children enough respect can they make children self-respecting and confident, know how to respect others, and will not resent another child for seeking perfection and reluctantly sharing.
In the early hours of the morning, mom came to nag:
Survey data shows that in families with more than one child, 75% of parents will favor one of the children because they have some commonalities with them or because they are excellent and younger.
But this kind of eccentric family is often difficult to develop in a good and healthy direction! Therefore, in the second and third child families, how to balance the family relationship has become a matter that parents cannot ignore!
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