Keep growing, like a tree.
Source | Xiaobei (ID: kuwoxiaobei)
What do you do when you like someone who is better than yourself?
Inferiority, flattery or unconditional giving to wait for him to look back at you?
Not really.
Because once you feel like you're a jack-of-all, and getting a little response is like winning the lottery, then it's easy to give too much in this unequal relationship and end up with nothing.
In "Who Said I Can't Get Married", Ding Shiya liked an investor because of the grace of saving his life, so she silently accompanied him for 6 years and paid for him wholeheartedly, but in the end he got married, and the bride was not her.
The girlfriend looked at her sad and sad, both distressed and angry, and wanted to scold her:
"Sooner or later, one day you will understand that if there is a long-term and comfortable relationship between people, it depends on commonality and attraction, not on blind giving and moral self-touching like you are now." 」
Later, she finally walked out of this relationship, met someone who really liked her, and decided to quit her job to take the MBA to improve herself.
Love that is not equal in relationship will not bear fruit after all.
The other person may enjoy your kindness to him, but will not give you the response you want.
So before you start a relationship, you have to understand what the other person likes about you.
Do you really like this person, rather than these additional auras created by his appearance, identity, wealth, etc.
When you can look at the person you like with a normal heart, and your like is because of the attraction and tacit understanding between two people, it is the right way to open love.
I once heard a saying,
The worst thing in a relationship is not to lose a loved one, but to lose oneself because of loving someone.
In a relationship, at any time, maintaining an independent attitude is an unchanging creed.
When Qi Wei participated in the program, she talked about her own concept of love, she said:
"It's not that I don't trust others, it's how I can make myself have the most comfortable state, which is not attached to anything as a carrier, and I myself am a part of myself."
No matter what I am detached from, I can live a healthy life in this sunshine. Whether it is to make money or to do it, women still have to be financially independent, and independent thinking can be truly independent. ”
In fact, many artists have also said this view.
Wang Ziwen once said in a variety show that at the age of thirty, if you don't want to get married, it's because you have taken care of your life, then the arrival of love at this time is just the icing on the cake.
So you see, we always say that girls should be sober in the world, and this kind of sobriety actually includes always maintaining the ability to be themselves in their feelings.
Falling in love is the process of two people needing each other and accompanying each other, and it is definitely not a person who regards the other person as the center of his own world and always revolves around him.
You can love someone very much, but you can't lose yourself at the cost of losing yourself.
At any given time, all you have to do is a tree that grows independently.
Instead of clinging to the vine on the tree, because once the tree falls, the vine cannot survive.
In fact, more and more girls have gradually realized that excellence is not because of who you are, but because of who you are.
When you devote yourself to a relationship with an independent and complete self, then even if the relationship will come to an end one day, you will accept it calmly.
I had an old friend who got divorced the other day, and on the day she went to the Civil Affairs Bureau, she dressed herself up beautifully, and she couldn't see the frustration and sadness at all.
Even when the other party hesitated, she also signed her name in a dashing manner, and then left with her bag.
Someone asked her how such a big thing as a divorce could be so calm and rational?
She said:
"When I was in love, I knew that I loved this person very much, but I didn't necessarily have to grow old with this person, I was very serious when I loved, but I didn't love, and the separation was also seriously considered." 」
Love has a beautiful filter, but life is often the process of breaking the filter.
When the outline of love slowly becomes clearer under the polishing of real life, you will find that the outline of the beautiful future of the past is just a beautiful imagination, and one day it will be embodied in reality.
So what kind of love concept should a mature girl have?
I think first, we must believe in love, and when we love, we must be brave and sincere. Second, also accept that most of the time a love story does not have a happy ending.
And what you insist on from beginning to end is that whether you have this person around or not, you must first love yourself, and first have the ability to live alone.
I hope that every girl can have an independent and complete self in love, not overly dependent, not suffering from gain and loss, dare to love and dare to leave.
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Author: Xiao Bei, founder of (Kuwoxiaobei) All the Way north culture media Co., Ltd., a well-known emotional anchor. Best-selling author, author of "This Fickle World Rarely Has You", "Meet Every You with a Story", and has a public account that accompanies you to say goodnight at 9:09 every night. I want to cure every lonely patient with sound and words. It's good that you're here. WeChat public number: Xiaobei (kuwoxiaobei) Weibo @ Xiaobei loves to eat meat. Jiang, who has a story, published it with authorization, please contact the original author for reprinting.