If you love someone who doesn't love yourself, how can you let go?

I have a little sister, a teenage little girl, but she has a crush.

She came to my house and didn't answer the phone and didn't reply to the message at my house. I don't think she eats much, doesn't sleep much, and can only sigh - for the first time in her life, I meet someone I like who doesn't like herself, and it's always hard.

She said to me, sister, I just wanted to see him again. I've gotten thinner and prettier, and my hair has grown. I hope he will see me like this, he can not reconcile with me, but I can't let him see this, I feel very uncomfortable when I think of it.

Naturally, the boy didn't want to see her again. I think it's decent. For the sake of my little sister, I would like to talk about "relief".

1.

I know that there are many people who, when they were young, had the experience of paranoia and obsession, and in that state, they really felt that it was "life should come back, death should be Sauvignon Blanc".

Some people will become "unforgiving" in this state, just like Ah Zi loves Xiao Feng, the more he loves, the more he wants to possess and control, the more he wants to let the other party conform to his own wishes, once he can't achieve it, he will be angry, and he will not hesitate to "end up together".

Others will feel that there is nothing to make them feel worthy except for each other - just like my little sister, she feels that her excellence and beauty, only when she is seen by that person, is "not in vain". Sometimes love makes people put themselves very low, thinking that all of themselves can be "dedicated" to that person.

One person being able to do this for another is, to a certain extent, moving. But if it really stops at this kind of love, then one's life is too narrow.

2.

As Rilke said: "Young people are often so wrong in this respect (because they have no patience in their nature) that if they love them, they throw their lives at will, even into a state of suffocation, inversion, disorder: - but what then? Can this fragmented aggregate (which they themselves call union, and are willing to call happiness) anything that can be accomplished in life? Can it be passed? What about their future?

In the meantime, everyone loses himself for the sake of others, and at the same time loses others, and loses many others who still have to come, and loses many farsightedness and possibilities. ”

Rilke is talking about the wrong perception of love that many people have. He also said, "The essence of love is not to be devoted, to devotion, to union with the second (what kind of union is it, if it is an unclear, unfulfilled, unimportant union?"). It is a sublime motivator for the individual to mature, to accomplish something within oneself, to complete one world, to complete one world for another person. ”

He seems to be talking about love, but in essence he is talking about life. We have a responsibility to move our lives in a better direction, to take it seriously, and not to break it easily.

In his view of love, love should serve life. When we fall in love with another person, we have the responsibility to continue to become more mature selves and improve our lives because of this love. I strongly agree with this view of love.

3.

We should believe that our lives are valuable and that the world is vast.

Your beauty, if he is not willing to see, you can also show the goshawk soaring in the sky, to the horses galloping on the grassland; to the blue sky, to the Gobi, to the mountains, rivers and seas. Your life doesn't have to be dedicated to someone, it can be dedicated to the world.

When you encounter something that makes you sad, you can cry, you can drink, you can sing. If you're lucky, you'll have a close friend to accompany you to drink and sing. Yes, not being able to get two-way love, or losing someone you love, is great pain, but it is still insignificant compared to the breadth and possibilities of your life.

You have more important things to accomplish, so you must move on with your wounds – exploring the possibilities of your own life is an inescapable mission for everyone. When you can remember that there is a wider world waiting for you and accompanying you, how can you not arouse a heroic intention?

Open-mindedness and boldness are qualities that I particularly appreciate. Dare to pick it up and dare to put it down, this is open-mindedness. Falling without regrets, willing to gamble and lose, this is heroic. Whether it is a man or a woman, with these two qualities, there is a sense of free and proud beauty.

Human love is priceless. But this love is not just the private love of children. This righteousness can be the great righteousness of the family and the country. The bigger the mind, the less the pain becomes. Heroic, open-minded, and serious about righteousness, who says that such a person is not a hero?

4.

There are also many ways to attain fulfillment by loving someone.

When I was in high school, I especially liked one of my teachers, and I went to her after class and followed her ass. After graduation, I had very little contact with her, and I didn't see her for many years.

But I often dreamed of her and my own high school days, and I was always happy in my dreams. Although she is far away from me in reality now, I still love the past her, and I can dream of her from time to time, who can say that it is not perfect?

Even sometimes, you love the wrong person. But because that mistake is so deep, you understand something you didn't understand in the past. You know that the next path you will go well, and you will never go back or experience similar mistakes again, which is also a kind of consummation.

As you understand more and more that everything in the world is beyond your control and that the arrangement of fate is largely real, you will become more and more accepting that you have unfulfilled wishes. You do your best, you don't fail yourself, you accept any kind of result, you don't complain about others — this is a perfect one.

And there are still times when just knowing that that person exists in this world and lives his own life is already a kind of consummation.

5.

Some people are indeed unforgettable, and even if they are relieved, they will not forget. But this doesn't necessarily mean love anymore.

At the end of the day, we remember those who have profoundly shaped ourselves. At that time, experiencing this person in that particular way, and then deeply influencing our own perception of ourselves, others, and the world, even leaving traces of that person at the bottom of our personality.

Such a person, even if he does not love and let go, he will not forget. But this unforgettable is only related to oneself. It does not equate to "the aftermath", nor does it mean that we still want to be with him at this moment - or even that we will choose to be with this person again when we go back to the past.

What we remember is only our own influence. Therefore, the pursuit of relief and the pursuit of forgetting are fundamentally two different things.

You remember, but you don't have any special feelings for the present moment; at the same time you know that that person can no longer arouse your special emotions, and you can remember them calmly, which is the true way to let go.

6.

Of course, relief requires effort. The first step in the effort is to make up your mind to let go and start doing practical things.

Tell yourself that your life is far more expansive than this relationship.

Knowing that your future is still possible, you will meet more people who understand love.

Control yourself so that that person no longer appears in your own life.

Take yourself and your life seriously.

Finally, wait for an opportunity for you to let go completely — there will be a moment when you suddenly stop wanting to show your best self to that person, and he will be submerged in the multitude of sentient beings again.

When I see people here, I wish you a sense of relief.

Today's Interaction: Do you have anything to say about "letting go"? Come and share your thoughts and stories with us in the comments section