Intensive Reading Mom: As parents, the best love we can give our children is to let them be the protagonists of their own world, the stage has been set up, no matter whether it is wonderful or lonely, we applaud our children.
Author: Mo'er's mother (Parents Intensive Reading Author)
Some time ago, in the hit drama "Beginning", Lu Di's mother's airtight love for Lu Di was suffocating.
In just a few shots, the audience has been depressed.
As soon as Lu Di left work, his mother kept calling him to urge him to go home.
No matter how much Lu Di persuaded her not to wait for dinner, Lu's mother would still wait.
When Lu Di was not at home, his mother peeked into his diary, and after Lu Di knew, he asked his mother: "Why do you look at my privacy?" It's against the law! ”
But the mother asked, "I look at my own son, what law is broken?" I'm your mom, what's not to see? ”
Isn't that familiar?
In life, many parents "in the name of love, capital punishment", this is the current situation of how many parents!
In the name of love, treat children as their own appendages.
As a result, many children, as if living in the cage of love, have listened to this mantra all their lives: You were born of me, you belong to me, you have to listen to me.
Teacher Wu Zhihong said: "There is no soul that is willing to be bound by the will of others, and every life is born to be himself." ”
Children who are bound by their parents' will cannot walk out of the cycle of helplessness and humility all their lives, and cannot be happy.
Controlling parents will eventually ruin their children's lives
A study in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that too much parental control has a similar impact on children's happiness.
There is a netizen who shares the experience of being overly controlled by his mother and never being hurt.
Girls from childhood to adulthood, in addition to the school uniform, all the intimate clothing is chosen by the mother, what hairstyle to keep, ponytail or short hair, are the mother's decision.
The girl grew up and earned money, and her mother was worried about her spending money indiscriminately, and asked her to hand in all her salary to help her save.
Even when dating a boyfriend, my mother has to keep an eye on it all the time, constantly making video calls, making herself and her boyfriend very uncomfortable.
The boyfriend bought her expensive gifts, and she also wanted to give her boyfriend gifts back, but her mother did not let go of her salary.
She wondered why the money was firmly controlled by her mother.
But if you don't listen to your mother, your mother will threaten to break off the relationship.
The girl is very entangled, feeling that she is not worthy of love, and her mother's control, like a high-pressure net, covers her sky, forcing her to live or die.
She began to self-harm, depression, and even wanted to kill herself. She stood in front of the window, trying to jump down, and her mother not only did not stop her, but also pushed and shoved her, pulled her, and wanted to die with her.
She was very afraid and very conflicted, she was a mother, how could she let her mother die with her?
The control of parents makes the girl fall into despair, want to die, can't die, want to live, and have no strength to live, this division tears the girl's heart.
She said, "I'm so tired! ”
In a word, the voice of thousands of children who are controlled by their parents!
They are puppeteers manipulated by their parents, and the "magic of love" of their parents reaches all corners of their lives, so that their lives have no freedom to speak of, and their lives are destroyed.
Educator Montessori said that from the time a child is born, the parents begin to control and bind, but sadly, they do not know it.
Parents play themselves as omnipotent gods, but they do not know, but they are the true colors of the tyrants who have a strong desire to control, and such a tyrant has ruined the child's life.
Sometimes, the more dear the child is, the deeper it hurts him!
Parents who let go are lucky for their children
The grandfather of the protagonist of Gorky's "On Earth" once said: You are not the necklace around my neck, you must be provided for, and you must make a living for yourself!
The youngest Winter Olympic gold medalist, Su Yiming, choked up and bowed to her parents after winning the gold medal.
Su Yiming's parents were his first teachers on the ski road, and since he was a child, his father has always taken him to ski.
"He was standing on my board, even at home, and he had to wear a snowboard outside and take him out." Sue dad said.
The reason why Su Yiming "feels good about snow" is inseparable from her father's sparring when she was a child.
He said that the happiest thing is to stand on the snowboard, no matter how hard the training, it is a pleasure for him.
But seeing that the child was injured, mom and dad were very worried and distressed. In the end, it is still the choice to respect the child, believe in the child, and support his decision.
In preparation for the Winter Olympics, Su Yiming suspended other work and concentrated on skiing. He said that in preparation for the Olympic Games, we must remain focused and not distracted.
Such a calm, rational, and bold decision came from a teenager, not a parent!
Su Dad said that his and Yiming's mother's original intention is to support his son to complete his dreams, and does not require that he must be a professional athlete, if one day, his son does not want to ski, he can give up at any time and come back to a good university.
Life, can be in and out, parents let go, the child's road is wide, parental control, the child is cornered.
Parents do one more thing for their children, and the child's competitiveness in this society is reduced by one point.
Parents do less, give children the space to exercise and grow, and the child's competitiveness in society will increase by ten.
Parents don't let go, children have no future; parents let go, respect children, the luckier the child.
In the book "Reading children": the child's life belongs to himself, and growth requires self-exploration, and no one can replace or take care of it.
As parents, we create opportunities for our children to try, to stimulate their talents, and to strive to be what we want to be most in later life, rather than what we want him to be.
Just like Su Yiming, the parents let go and achieved the Olympic champion, which is the luck of the child's life.
Only when parents have the right mindset can they truly love their children
GIBRAN: You can do your best to become like your child, but don't let your child become like you.
Because life does not go backwards, nor does it stay in the past.
I once read the story of a Korean mother who had two children and grew up living under her control, but she didn't know it.
Until one day, the two children in high school, who had taken a break from school, and had depression and suicide, did she suddenly wake up.
She cried in her room, wondering all night, when did she start? What was done to the kids? Why is it that the child has taken a break from school and still does not realize what the problem is?
She reflected deeply and realized that her education of her children was only a manager, not a parent.
She never really cared about her children, even if the children were out of school at home, they were forced to ask their children every day, when to go to college? Why are you still fooling around?
With a heart of atonement and repentance, she tried to communicate with the children.
She repeatedly trained to praise her children and recorded her experiences of controlling the children so that the children could hear their remorse.
She walked with the children for two hours a day, chatted gently with the children, and no longer asked eight hundred times a day: "When are you going to study?" ”
She also stopped forcing her daughter to wear a plus-size T-shirt and allowing her to wear clothes she liked.
As time passed, the gap between parents and children disappeared and everything became better and better.
After more than a year of suspension, the two children were re-admitted to college, the son dreamed of becoming a writer, and the daughter wanted to be a counselor.
Psychologist Li Xue said: A person's body can only bear a soul, if the parents control, airtight, the child, in fact, has been mentally dead.
Controlling parents let their children lose control of their hearts, mental disorder, and eventually lose the direction of life.
The hardships that a child should suffer and the detours he should take are all inevitable experiences in his life.
The love of parents to let go of their hands not only unloads the burden of their children, but also loosens the shackles on themselves. The child is easy to fight, and the road will go farther and farther.
Parents set the right mentality and let the child become himself, which is the real love of the child.
Write at the end
Goethe said: Even if a person is driving a fragile boat, as long as the rudder is in his hands, he will not be at the mercy of the tao, but has the opinion to choose the direction.
Give the child the right to choose, give the child the space to stretch, let the child become himself, in order to spread his wings and fly.
If the parents control the child's life, the child will be trapped in the same place for the rest of his life, unable to get out of the shackles of harm.
As parents, the best love we can give our children is to let them be the protagonists of their own world, the stage has been set, no matter whether it is wonderful or self-congratulatory, we applaud our children.
May every parent let go of the lifting of their children, let the children grow up in the storm, experience the wind, experience the rain, and look up to see the rainbow.
About the author: Mo'er's mother, parents intensive reading columnist, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, unauthorized, may not be reproduced, infringement will be investigated
Note: The picture source of this article is online, if there is infringement, please contact to delete