In the previous hit TV series "Beginning", Ludy's mother's love for him was suffocating. Because his son has asthma, his mother has been controlling him in the name of love.
Don't let Ludy play basketball, swim, keep pets, wait for his son to come back from work to eat, look through his diary, find That Ludy has cat hair on his body and hysterically accuse him.
Only 5 minutes of the plot, people feel depressed, can't help but feel sorry for this cat-loving boy. He had come of age, worked for several years, and in his mother's eyes, he was a child who couldn't do anything.
The mother thinks that she is just protecting her child and keeping her son alive. As everyone knows, my son finds such a life more unbearable than suffering from asthma.
As Bi Shumin said: "Keeping a distance close is the most appropriate way to communicate." ”
Whether it is family affection, friendship, or love, people need distance between people, need a sense of proportion, otherwise it is control in the name of love.
1
A sense of proportion between family members is a necessity for family harmony
In "The Beginning", According to her mother's request, Lu di also wears a hat and mask in the sweltering summer, has no friends, and hides her hobbies. Because everything was done according to his mother's request, everyone around him thought he was strange. Even the two protagonists, who knew that there was a bomb in the car, were the first to suspect him.
Ludy understands the love of her parents and understands her mother's worries. But it was this meticulous care that drove him crazy.
In the police station emotional outburst, he finally said his thoughts: "You have always felt that you are protecting me, in fact, you are under house arrest, I am a living person, with my own likes and pursuits, not your appendages." 」 ”
Many parents imprison their children in the name of love, without knowing it. The child waits for the parent's apology, and the parent waits for the child's gratitude.
There is no sense of proportion, let love become a bondage, even if it is a relative, they only want to break free from the cage of love.
Wu Zhihong, the author of "Why Home Hurts People", once shared a real case at the "Strange Flower Conference".
The girl and her boyfriend have been in love for 3 years, and the mother has always disagreed. It is said that boys are not good-looking and have low education, but in fact, girls are just ordinary people, and their salaries are not as high as boys.
Later, my mother broke down and cried, and only then did she say the real reason for the opposition. It turned out that it was because at the beginning of the daughter's love, she did not tell her at the first time, and secretly talked with her for half a year, so that her mother felt betrayed.
In the end, the daughter broke up with her boyfriend and left her mother's side, choosing to go to other cities to heal her injuries alone.
In the name of "good for you", parents make decisions and choices for their children, and if they violate it slightly, they do not understand the pain of their parents and do not filial piety to their parents. But have parents considered the child's idea?
Sylvia Claire, a female Doctor of Psychology in England, said:
"All love in this world has the ultimate goal of aggregation, and there is only one kind of love whose purpose is separation, and that is the love of parents for their children. True parental love is to separate children from your life as an independent individual as soon as possible. ”
There should be a sense of proportion between families, so that children can grow up healthy and happy, parents are not anxious, and family relations are harmonious.
2
The sense of proportion between lovers is the burning fuel of love
As the saying goes, "Distance produces beauty." ”
Between lovers, the distance is too far, there will be gains and losses. But if the distance is too close, it cannot warm up the love, but it may annoy the two.
The sense of proportion between lovers is to give him space, not too tired, two people get along easily and happily, and they can still maintain freshness.
In the previous hit TV series "Xiao MinJia", Liu Xiaojie met the young and handsome Xu Zheng after his first divorce. After the two got married, they found that Xu Zheng was considerate in front of him and extremely controlling after he was.
At first, Xiao Jie kept a distance from the opposite sex according to Xu Zheng's request. In exchange, she intensified, asking her not to talk to the opposite sex, even her nephew to stay away. Later, he also put away Xiao Jie's mobile phone and locked her at home, not letting her see anyone.
Xu Zheng said that he did this because he loved her. But this view of love is pathological. Because love abandons friendship and no longer promotes itself. What is on the mind every day is whether the other party has "returned" to his WeChat in seconds and whether he has spoken to the opposite sex.
In such a trough, people will become more suspicious, afraid, and irritable, and more and more quarrels will make both people tired. Love without a sense of proportion will eventually break. Xiao Jie couldn't bear it and quickly flashed away again.
True love, which is based on trust, should feel relaxed and at ease.
Zhou Guoping wrote such a sentence in "Confetti in the Wind":
"A sense of proportion is a sign of mature love, which knows how to observe the necessary distance between people, and this distance means respect for the other person as an independent personality, including respect for the other's right to be alone."
The most beautiful love is not that two people behave and think exactly the same, but that you are in the same room, each doing your own thing, occasionally looking at each other and smiling, and feeling each other's affection.
Just like a hot review in NetEase Cloud Music wrote:
"My ideal love is two people in the same room, I hold my computer to do things, she holds her favorite novel, does not evaluate each other, even if she does not open her mouth in the morning, she can still feel love from the air. Then she went to afternoon tea with her girlfriend, and I went to the party with my buddies, without interfering with each other, but our hearts were always connected. Because we already know and respect each other's possessions. ”
3
The sense of proportion between friends is the safe for long-term friendship
Zhou Xun and Chen Kun's more than 20 years of fairy friendship are exemplary in the entertainment industry.
Buy upstairs and downstairs as neighbors, and promote each other's new plays. When Zhou Xun got married, Chen Kun testified to the marriage; when he was gossiped about who was the mother of Chen Kun's son, Zhou Xun defended him and said that he was himself.
They did a lot for each other, but never interfered with each other's choices and lives. I show up when you need it; you want to be alone, I give you space.
Zhou Xun also talked about her friendship with Chen Kun in the show: "The biggest difference between friends and lovers is to accompany but not intervene. ”
Be with each other, support each other, maybe I don't agree with your ideas, but I respect your choices.
The sense of proportion between friends has become a very important factor in maintaining friendship.
The Social Investigation Center of China Youth Daily once did a survey. 89.1% of respondents said that they would pay attention to the sense of proportion of getting along with friends. 93.0% of the respondents admitted that when they got along with their friends, they encountered a situation where they did not have a sense of proportion. 76.3% of respondents believe that not having a sense of proportion affects friendships.
Xiaomei is often asked for help by friends who have no sense of proportion. She was a graphic designer, and someone always asked her to draw for free.
At one point, a friend even asked her to help design a logo for the company. Xiaomei was angry and replied: "My monthly salary is more than 30,000, even if I design a poster every day, it will cost more than a thousand, why let me work for you for free?" ”
No matter how good the relationship is, don't feel that friends should help you. Only take, do not know gratitude, will only make friendship drift away.
Sanmao said: "No matter how close the friend is, the measure cannot be lost, and he thinks that he is familiar, and the result is anti-birth isolation." ”
The sense of proportion is the appropriate distance between people, and it is the respect of putting oneself in one's shoes and from oneself and others.
Whether it is a relative, a lover, or a friend, and a sense of proportion, in order to moisturize this feeling, in order to make both sides comfortable.
People with a sense of proportion, behave appropriately, speak moderately, can give each other space, and give themselves dignity.
People with a sense of proportion, the road will go wider and wider.
Author: Xiao Aoi, an abnormal post-80s code word player who loves to read and travel