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Cheng Man, the mother played by Liu Tao in the Lunar New Year drama "Holiday Warm Yangyang 2", grew from small to large, and was even more mixed up in the workplace.
As a high-quality human woman, nature cannot tolerate children drowning in the sea of people. But even if she hires famous teachers to make up classes one-on-one, her daughter still has mediocre grades in school.
In the matter of learning, Cheng Man could not understand his daughter, and his daughter could not understand Cheng Man.
Cheng Man did not understand that everywhere is a leader, the business tycoon also has to let the three-point self give birth to a daughter who is willing to be mediocre and has no fighting spirit.
The daughter did not understand why the mother with an IQ of 140 could not see through reality: even if she forced herself to die, it was difficult to replicate her mother's success.
During the Spring Festival, Cheng Man took his daughter back to his hometown for the New Year, and met a classmate who was a flight attendant on the train. During the greeting, she talked about her grades when she went to school.
The flight attendant classmates laughed at themselves: compared with Cheng Man, she was a crane on high, and the classmates could only look up to her.
Unexpectedly, Cheng Man's daughter took over the conversation and said, "Auntie, I am just like you." She's a crane, I'm a chicken, she has wings I don't have. ”
The so-called crane mother is that her ability level is not only beyond her peers, but even her children are beyond the reach of the dust.
However, "crane" is a social attribute, and "ma" is a family attribute. If you can't let go of social attributes, you can't play a family role.
Mother Crane actually wants to be a good mother. But helplessly, as long as it is related to learning, the crane mother only has the instinct of the crane, at all costs chicken baby, but forget the mother's self-consciousness.
01
"Crane mother" raising "chicken baby" is a strong trouble
The chicken baby and the crane mother are like joyful enemies, and the deepest love is mixed with the deepest disgust.
Some crane mothers just want their children to be better than blue, but they don't expect to be Murphy's law, and the more they want to get, the more they can't get it.
The more omnipotent the mother, the more incompetent the child.
Luo Yan, played by Li Gengxi in "Twenty Not Confused", is useless in the eyes of her mother.
Luo Yan's mother, as an elite lawyer, is accustomed to the supremacy of efficiency, and even communicates with her daughter only pays attention to efficiency.
Once communicated, only ten minutes of time was given to the daughter, and the communication place was still in the car.
The way to communicate is either to give a choice between two choice questions or to give a standard answer directly.
Either go abroad or go to graduate school, the tutor is his classmate, and the TOEFL only gives the registration fee once.
Even if her daughter encountered a salty pig hand on the bus and was exposed to the online platform, the daughter was criticized, and the mother's solution was only to buy a bunch of long sleeves and pants.
The mother has little choice for her child and has always oppressed her child with a downward look.
This is also the common disease of "Crane Mother", smooth sailing in the workplace, a hammer in the family, extreme self-confidence, and good to use strength as a weapon to give the answer directly.
The mother's strength penetrates into every pore of the child. As soon as you resist, your mother will tell you about hardship, and as soon as you quarrel, your mother will talk to you about democracy.
But in fact, their so-called democracy is only a superficial discussion, but in fact it is informed. Obey her kind words and persuade her to change the law.
There is no democracy in the strong mother, only obedience.
Chicken babies have 100 ways to fight, and Crane Mother has 101 ways to force chicken babies to obey.
The weeds overgrow the corn. Over time, the "chicken baby" is like a dog in the psychologist Seligman's lab lying completely flat, forever learning to be helpless.
02
Strong mother, broken family
Every mother wants to be the embodiment of warmth, and wants to run her own home as a shelter for her children. For strong mothers, however, high-pressure will only force their children to flee.
In the hit drama "Beginning", the asthmatic teenager Lu Di likes to keep cats and loves anime. But the "jurisdiction" of the mother completely destroyed Ludy's desire to keep a cat. Lu Di was forced to rent a house and build a "secret base".
Mother's strength is everywhere. Later, because of the discovery of the letters left by Lu Di after joining the "start group", the mother even went to the public security bureau. The father, who had endured for many years, immediately broke out.
He accused his mother: "Have you respected her for so many years?" Have we ever respected him? ”
Like Ludy, many children became appendages of the family. Many mothers, like Ludy's mother, will fall into the trap of false "respect" for their children and move themselves.
In the parent-child relationship, the more meticulous the mother is, the more estranged and evasive the child is.
Lu Di in the TV series is only secretly renting a house outside, and in reality, many children have different degrees of behavior, psychological problems, and even personality disorders because they have a strong mother. Some children who are forced to bear it so much that they even severe their relationship with their families.
The strong mother is like a plastic bag, wrapping herself around the child and suffocating the whole family.
03
Correct your personality, and Mother Crane can be a good mother
Mother Crane should be a good mother, a pillar of the family, and the pride of the child. However, the failure of identity conversion has made the strong personality of Crane Mother the biggest obstacle to the development of parent-child relationship.
In fact, to solve family problems, it is also necessary to take Jok Gang.
Softening the personality can eliminate the child's wariness and provide a relaxed and comfortable growth space for the child.
1. Examine the relationship between husband and wife and unite the front
In the first episode of "Female Psychologist", Yuna, played by Zhang Ruonan, clashed with her classmates and jumped off the building several times, seemingly because Yuna was ill.
The truth is that Yuna's mother does not approve of her husband's artistic work, and often belittles and accuses him in front of her daughter.
Almost any small thing can become the "fuse" of a husband and wife quarrel.
Children are more sensitive than parents think. Yuna had already discovered the abnormality of her parents' relationship, so she tried to help her parents repair the rift between them through self-sacrifice.
The American psychotherapist Augustus tells a similar case in his book Family on a Hot Pot.
He gave this explanation: This kind of problem seems to be a child's problem. In fact, children act as scapegoats for marital discord.
Mom pressed forward step by step, and Dad gave in everywhere.
The mother uses words to offend the father, and the child will take the initiative to carry the pressure on himself.
As hellinger, the German master of family therapy, said: "Children naturally want to be the protector of the family." ”
Most of the children's problems are the problems of the parents. If you want your child to grow up healthily, you must maintain a peaceful attitude towards your partner, less accusations and dissatisfaction, and more tolerance and thoughtfulness.
2. Diversification defines success and goes with the flow
The average parent defines success as a narrow misunderstanding, equating success with money, fame, social status, etc.
I think that only when the child succeeds, he can have a light on his face.
Regarding success, many big guys are obviously much more transparent.
When it comes to Dong Mingzhu, people will always think of "strong women" and think of vigorous action. Naturally, his son will be "speculated" by the public.
In fact, Dong Mingzhu's son, who works at a law firm in Chongqing, has a rented house, a salary of more than 5,000 yuan, and drives a car of more than 100,000 yuan.
It looks like the average person.
But Dong Mingzhu is still proud of her son, because in her eyes, her son is an ordinary person, and success is to be able to do what she likes and be a person who is valuable to society.
Many mothers chicken babies, mostly stem from anxiety. This kind of anxiety is not really worried that the child will not be able to cross the threshold of society, but that he is incapable of overcoming the inner obstacle.
3, only affect, do not intervene, do not compete with the child
Holiday Warm 2 has a classic dialogue.
After Doudou washed her feet, Liu Tao asked her to do the Olympiad questions, and her daughter asked why.
Liu Tao replied: I am your mother, and I have the final say.
This exposes a lot of crane mothers' management strategies for their children: there is reason to argue, not to argue big.
As actor Xiao Tao Hong said: "You are an adult, and you have won the battle with children, what is there to be proud of!" ”
In fact, Mother Crane herself is a good example. Having the ability, having the brain, having the means, can pass on a lot to the child.
Rather than forcing her children to do exam questions, It is wiser for Mother Crane to use her own personality influence.
Self-disciplined living habits, determination and courage to encounter setbacks, rich taste of life, attitude and will to strive for self-improvement...
These are the most valuable assets. The meaning of teaching by example is far greater than the meaning of words.
Children are the most sensitive observers of life, and the mother is their first imitation.
Matching words with deeds is the best preaching, and only influencing without intervention is the most powerful help for children.
Stepping out of the subjective world and observing the "chicken baby" from another angle, you may find that the "chicken baby" is also a "crane" that you do not understand the field.
The contradiction between the crane mother and the chicken baby is not difficult to resolve: the crane mother bows her head and bends down patiently to wait for the chicken baby to grow up.
After all, what the child really wants is a heads-up view from the mother, not a condescending look.
If this article is helpful to you, click "watching" at the end of the article, and leave a message below to say, are you a "crane mother"?
![Everyone in "The Beginning" is scolding Lu Di's mother, in fact, Lu Di's father's fault is even greater![fig]](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAP///wAAACwAAAAAAQABAAACAkQBADs=)